I'm trying

I'm trying to be wonderful

But it's hard

Because I miss you

But it's hard

Because I don't know what to do

But it's hard

Because I am still thinking

But it's hard

Because I worry so

And it's hard

But I'm trying to be wonderful

For you

Metropolis

I was worried about my future

But then I remembered you are my future

And then it didn't seem so worrisome

 S.D.

The Ferret

The ferret pops its head out of its hole welcoming a day just like any other. We pan to the left and see the sea of the world just a treetop away. We pan to the right and there's that little ferret again, sniffing the afternoon breeze. Let's pan more to the right to the forest, dark and mysterious, not unlike the ferret's burrow to an unknowing animal or a too large human.

Shall we see what the ferret's day will bring? Pan to the right again to see the boats and the people and the cars and there's the sea again and then there's our little ferret friend. Still sniffing the breeze, just its little head poking out of its little hole. I wonder when it will make a move...

Maybe if we name the creature it will become more lively. First of all, is it male or female? Is it fair to us, as bi-standards to label this simple ferret with a gender for our own selfish purpose? Of course not.

“Little ferret,” my whisper becoming the breeze. “Little ferret, would you prefer a manly man's name, or perhaps a girly girl's name? Or a beautiful boy's name, or some sort of lavish lady's name? Really, the choice is yours.”

The ferret blinks, bows his head and ducks back into the hole. That is not an answer in the slightest. I guess I'll have to get creative. Reggie is as good as a name as any other. Reggie is your name you little ferret. Reggie the ferret that resides in a hole, a treetop away from the sea. Reggie the ferret that doesn't like to go into the forest alone. Reggie the ferret that is on the move!

Look at him go, bouncing along the earth. Why is Reggie stopping behind that tree so close to the sea?

I hear giggles. That certainly is not Reggie. Pan down to the waters edge. Why, there are humans down there. Is Reggie watching the humans? They are captivating. Are they practicing some sort of witchcraft? Picking up stones and having them dance along the surface of the water before plunging in seems like an odd game.

Maybe I am out of touch with the humans. Maybe I should take after Reggie and spend my days watching them. Their laughter and buoyancy is so odd compared to this simple ferret named Reggie. Should I give these two names?

“Excuse me laughing humans. Would you like to choose your names?” But, alas, my whisper was simply the breeze.

Questions ft. Katrina

1. What is your middle name?
Katrina: Helen
Stephanie: Lynn

2. Are you wearing makeup?
Katrina: No, I'm beautiful naturally
Stephanie: Just the residue from earlier glued to my eye lashes

3. What colour is your toothbrush?
Katrina: A beautiful shade of sea foam
Stephanie: Justin Bieber purple chic

4. Approximately how many posters are hung up in your room?
Katrina: I don't have posters
Stephanie: Like 4 maybe

5. What does your hair product smell like?
Katrina: I don't use any
Stephanie: Fabulous

6. Where would rather be right now?
Katrina: With my honey
Stephanie: With my honeyyyy

7. What is the temperature outside?
Katrina: Warm!
Stephanie: Very nicee

8. Have you ever dyed your hair? If so what colour?
Katrina: Every colour ever imagined
Stephanie: Never

9. What is the funniest word you know?
Katrina: Meliorate
Stephanie: Moist.

10. Name your favourite band starting with the letter 'M'
Katrina: Miley Cyrus
Stephanie: Motion City Soundtrack

11. What is your favourite pick up line? And has anyone ever used it on you?
Katrina: I don't need pick up lines, I'm too awkward for that
Stephanie: Baby you a song, you make me wanna roll my windows down and cruiisee (nawt)

12. Describe your first icon using only verbs
Katrina: Jump
Stephanie: Eat

13. What is the most expensive thing you have ever bought with your own money?
Katrina: Jamaica
Stephanie: An iPod

14. State your favourite letter of the alphabet
Katrina: P because I don't think it gets enough credit
Stephanie: I C U P

15. What is your favourite accent?
Katrina: Southern
Stephanie: Australian

16. How did you celebrate the new year?
Katrina: With a bunch of old people
Stephanie: With my home girl Carl in Niagara Falls!

17. What do you call a brown fizzy drink that usually comes in a can?
Katrina: Pop
Stephanie: Coke

18. Do you like fish?
Katrina: Not particularly
Stephanie: Only mahi-mahi

19. What is your most used phrase?
Katrina: You little jerk or my honey
Stephanie: That's rude

20. Would you rather ask someone out or be asked out?
Katrina: Be asked
Stephanie: Be asked. (How did this work?)

21. What is your favourite Olympic sport to watch?
Katrina: Soccer
Stephanie: Women's soccer!

22. Have you ever dumped anyone?
Katrina: Yes lol lol lol
Stephanie: Noppee

23. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Katrina: I have no idea, she says in a distressed tone.
Stephanie: Happy

24. Have you ever been to the United States? If so, where?
Katrina: Yes, everywhere
Stephanie: Don't judge me

25. What instrument have you always wanted to play?
Katrina: Drums
Stephanie: My dreams have come true

26. Describe your dream partner's eye colour
Katrina: Sort of like caramel
Stephanie: A cheeky shade of brown

27. What do you order at diners?
Katrina: Cheese omelette
Stephanie: Chicken fingers. Always.

28. Coffee or espressos?
Katrina: Espresso, how is that even a question?
Stephanie: Iced coffee, but only from McDonald's

29. What is the most annoying song on the radio at the moment?
Katrina: I don't listen to the radio
Stephanie: I love my mainstream jams. But maybe Drake. Drake.

30. How many contacts do you have on your phone?
Katrina: No many
Stephanie: A bunch of randoms and like 7 I care about

31. What type of music player do you own?
Katrina: An iPod
Stephanie: An old iPod that is dumb and old

32. Describe your favourite painting
Katrina: Marilyn Monroe that is a close up that catches all her facial features
Stephanie: I believe in pencil crayons

33. What was the best present you have ever received?
Katrina: A necklace from my honey
Stephanie: My wonderful Olie from my honey :)

34. Spring or Fall? Why?
Katrina: Fall because I like the leaves and my allergies aren't as bad
Stephanie: Fall because birthday and fun times and weather

35. What was the last text you received? Who was it from?
Katrina: "Are you going to wear it tomorrow? :) Skype now? :)" -Stephie
Stephanie: "It really has" -Macintosh

36. Would you ever paint your room pink?
Katrina: No
Stephanie: Nope

37. What colour is your underwear?
Katrina: I'm not wearing any
Stephanie: Pink and blue and white and purple because they're stylish

38. Favourite perfume scent?
Katrina: Lady Gaga
Stephanie: Lady Gaga because it smells like my honey

39. What celebrity do you think needs to drop off a cliff?
Katrina: First of all, that's harsh. But I wouldn't mind if One Direction did
Stephanie: Chris Brown, or Charlie Sheen

40. Do blue eyes turn you on?
Katrina: Nah. I'm more of brown or a green eyes type of person
Stephanie: Yes, sometimes, maybe

41. What meat do you prefer in a sandwich?
Katrina: lol lol lol lololol lol
Stephanie: Ham!

42. Would you ever wear a sweater to school?
Katrina: Everyday
Stephanie: My life is sweaters

43. What is the name of your current ringtone?
Katrina: Jonas Brothers Burning Up
Stephanie: Ringtone 1

44. Glasses or contacts?
Katrina: Glasses on me
Stephanie: Glasses on everyone

45. What shoes do you normally wear to school?
Katrina: My Value Village tennis shoes
Stephanie: Fake Keds that I adore

46. Where is your nearest television?
Katrina: A few inches away
Stephanie: Across my vast room

47. What is your favourite vegetable?
Katrina: Asparagus
Stephanie: Broccoli

48. When was the last time you drank milk?
Katrina: A year ago, but chocolate a week ago
Stephanie: Chocolate at Katra's house

49. What was your lowest grade in school?
Katrina: 76% in grade 10 math
Stephanie: 74% in grade 12 biology

50. Are you using Google chrome?
Katrina: No, I'm using Firefox
Stephanie: Hellz yeah

Things I never want to forget

• Serenading a cat outside my window with you to Mandy Moore's musical song in A Walk to Remember as my mom gives us weird looks
• Every time we have a bath
• The ferret on your neck who keeps coming back
• Waiting for you to get home so I can kiss you again
• Crawling into bed and having sleepy conversations with you that you don't remember
• Thrifting with you, shopping in general
• Singing old songs together instead of doing homework
• Lily Allen's passive aggressive song
• Having a week with you not be enough
• Cooking for you and with you
• Making our dream house on the Sims
• Not missing anything else but you
• Waking up early to shower with you
• Watching a crazy storm with you
• Waking up next to you
• You.

Some more feels

There's something so completely satisfying about being able to be your complete self around someone. To be able to show them your most weird, vulnerable, broken, ecstatic, paranoid, loving side and have them accept you and show their different sides around you is so perfect. Knowing you're the only two people who get to experience this with one another. Knowing that this is what love is. All the laughter and smiling and tears and happiness is love. And that, my friends, is all you need.

I never thought I could be this comfortable in all my life. I never thought I would be this kind of person.

My blog has turned into a mush fest and I hope it will never turn around.

I love

being in love

Crash

It's after such a good, long weekend that the world comes crashing down on you again.

What the hell am I doing with my life?

How can some things be so wonderful and others so nonexistent?

Why do I have no motivation to do anything?

It's like I am the happiest person in the world until I start to think of my life around that. I just want to burrito myself in that state and not care about the rest.

And I keep telling myself that if I do one thing everything will get better but how do I bring myself to do anything? How do I know it won't just get worse?

So I will reenact the weekend in my head (and it will not cause incident) for I want to live in it for as long as I can.

It's going to be a long week. I look to sleep to save me.

Be nice

Do you ever look at a strangers face and realize that this person has something going on in their life that makes them want to curl up in a ball and cry? That every single person has that one element, whether it be a memory, person, or thought, that makes it hard for them to sleep and even harder for them to get up in the morning. That your negativity that crushes you is no where as deep as the person smiling next to you. This does not make yours any less important, it just makes you think. Think that we all have these complex brains and lives and that horrible things happen to us all, yet we still stand. And then there are the people who still don't understand this. Who push people down and may not realize how deep they're pushing.

You don't know what goes on in someone else's head; be nice to everyone.

Dates

October 18, 2012

October 19, 2012

October 20, 2012

November 16, 2012

November 23, 2012

December 7, 2012

December 21, 2012

December 25, 2012

January 12, 2013

And every single day in between.

Here's to future days and future milestones. Here's to us. Here's to love.

Questions, 2013 addition

6 of the songs you listen to most?
According to my iTunes they are all Owl City... don't judge me...

If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
Tina Fey, obviously

Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
"Theo starts jumping again. The tooth escapes his hand and leaves a 'ping, ping, ping' on the tile floor." (This is an original)

What do you think about most?
My love

What does your latest text message from someone else say?
"Woo"

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
Depends on the night, but both

Ever had a poem or song written about you?
Yes :)

Do you have any strange phobias?
Nail guns...

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
Getting into a car

Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?
In front, look at this face

Do you believe in karma?
Very much so

Who is your celebrity crush?
Right now I have got to say Anna Kendrick

Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?
Either is fine, as long as it's with wonderful people

Are you happy with the person you've become?
Yes I am

Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
I believe in both because why not

Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
My computer monitor for both...

Choose: East Coast or West Coast?
East coast represent!

Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?
The Biebs... don't judge me

To you, what is the meaning of life?
To live however you want to

What's the weather like right now?
Freezing, but clear

What time is it?
3:07am

Do you have any nicknames?
Jane, Steph, Stephie, Pookie

What was the last film you saw?
Looking for a Friend for the End of the World <3

Do you believe in magic?
Only in a young girls heart

Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
Not even intentionally, but yes

What is your astrological sign?
Scorpio!

Do you save money or spend it?
I like to save it

What's the last thing you purchased?
Tim Horton's

In a relationship?
Why yes I am

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
I just succeeded in doing so. I am very impressed with myself. This is a big surprise. Hold your applause. I'll be signing autographs after the questionnaire.

Where were you yesterday?
At my house, alone. This is a horrible alibi.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Yes there is, and I'm not ashamed about it

Are you wearing socks right now?
My feet are nude

What's your favourite animal?
Strigiformes

What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
My charm paired with my moody writer vibes

Where is your best friend?
Which one? Does this have to do with where I was yesterday?

What is your heritage?
Irish, Scottish, Romanian, and Ukrainian

What were you doing last night at 12AM?
Again, I was alone in my room... I need to get better alibis.

What do you think is Satan's last name?
Peppercorn. He probably think's your name is weird.

Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?
This is a very British worded question

Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
Hellz yeah

What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
Take Me Somewhere Nice - Sky Sailing

What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?
1468, the year I was born

What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
Agreeing to go to a leadership conference

What size shoes do you wear?
81/2 or 9

What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
"Bitches be crazy"

What is your favourite word?
Casual

What is a saying you say a lot?
Such a struggle

What's the last song you listened to?
Little Things - One Direction

Basic question; what's your favourite colour/colours?
Yellow right now

What is your current desktop picture?
Tina Fey x3

If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
Now that would just make a mess

One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Shit my pants.

You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
Teleportation! Yay!

You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
I would like to spend some time with my grandparents that have passed, that would be nice.

Do you have any relatives in jail?
Not that I know of, but probably

If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?
"I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy..."

This must be it; welcome to the new year

This is going to be a heartfelt 'goodbye 2012' post because I like to reminisce about the year and have good things to say about 2013. First of all, 2013 does not roll off the tongue very well. It was so easy to type 2012 because of twos, and now I'm just going to type 2012...backspace 2, 3. It's a struggle.

Let's see, what has happened in 2012? Well, I graduated from high school, that is a fairly big deal. I became an adult in age, so I can cash in my own scratch tickets. I fell in love! That is a definite highlight of this year and the one thing I can remember the most.

2012 had significant ups and a lot of downs which can be tracked through my erratic blogging, but at least it's ending on a high note. A bitter-sweet high note for reasons relating to southern USA... But it's good, I'm starting off a new year in love, being loved, with amazing friends, and with brighter days ahead.

2013 (I did the whole backspace thing again) will be a year of brand new experiences and opportunities and I am excited and ready to plunge right in and I still need to get a calendar. I still have no idea what to choose. Life is difficult.

I don't have any resolutions. Maybe to just stay happy because life is good. Life is good.

The song from the lyrics in the title, a.k.a one of my favourite songs that relates to new years:

And I am going to smell like Beyonce this year, so that's a thing.