Metropolis

I was worried about my future

But then I remembered you are my future

And then it didn't seem so worrisome

 S.D.

New month

How the hell is it November? I was just crying about having to wear summer clothes and now I have to cry about being an adult. STEPHANIE NO LIKE.

But yes, November. It's cold. It's rainy. It's bearded. It's here.

I haven't been blogging because I've been pleasantly distracted, but I'm well. Let's play some catch up:

• I was runner up in a writing contest. I'm not even joking, it happened. I got money and published in an awfully coloured and kind of sketchy magazine. But, it's good.
• I've been reading
• I've been drinking tea
• I've been going to school
• I've been eating a lot of chocolate

I don't live an exciting life. But, November. Will it be exciting? Hopefully more so. I'll be an adult. I'll hopefully win the lottery. I'll do awesome things. Go awesome places.

It's a scary thought, being an adult, but I'll be sure to post a scared birthday letter when that day comes.

I am happy. I think I got my future pretty well figured out. I love talking to adults about it. I was looking into a program and telling my teacher about it and she said, "I bet a lot of people who think they're funny apply to this. The difference is, you are funny." It probably made my life.

A few things I need to remember are:

• Have a backup plan
• Nothing is certain
• Do what you love

Apparently November calls for impromptu lists. I like it. I need to blog more. This has been a mess.

Olympics

I really got into the Olympics this year. I watched it pretty much all the time. I'm very sad to see it come to a close. It makes me so proud to be a Canadian, no matter how many medals we got and how many of them happen to be bronze.

I don't consider myself a sports person, but when I was younger I did and now I regret giving up sports. I was a track and field star from grades 4-8. I made it to the next level most years. I remember in grade 4, on track and field day, in the morning it was all track. I think I got one fifth place ribbon or something random. I went home for lunch slightly disappointed, but excited for the afternoon. I ended up winning first place in high-jump, triple-jump, and long-jump. It might be one of my proudest moments. High-jump was always my best sport. I came in first in grade 6 too. Such a magical time.

This Olympics I watched every sport like nobody's business, but the sport I fell in love with was soccer.  And the players. Woman's soccer to be specific. The Canadian ones. But it's such a weird feeling to put yourself in their shoes. They play professional soccer for a living. They took home a bronze medal winning the hearts of all Canadians. People know their names and are watching them do what they love, and it's just so real. And so amazing to me.

It's a weird concept, putting countries against each other to compete for chunks of elements. But it brings out so much beauty and so much pride. And I'm really sad that it's over because now what am I going to watch at 5am when I can't sleep?

Another thought came to me while watching the closing ceremonies. The summer Olympics is every four years. Where will I be in four years? Last summer Olympics it was the summer I was going into grade 9. I didn't think, "Wow, next summer games I'll be a high school graduate that has really nothing going for her."

And while the Canadian Woman's soccer team practices to get ready for the next Olympics and the World Cup and stuff, what will I be doing? What will I be doing in two years for the winter Olympics? I honestly have no idea, and I think that's a good thing. But I'll be in my 20's which is just weird.

I hope, wherever I am, there is a television that constantly has the Olympics on.

Pie

I've been rethinking my life, like usual, and I've been thinking about what truly makes me happy. I've been making pro/con lists in my head about everything and everything has so many cons except for on thing. Pie. I have a deep love for pie. I'm not even kidding. By belly is full of pie right now and I am content for once.

I don't want to make pie; I want to taste pie. I want to fill my mouth with all different kinds of pies from all around the world. I want to look at a pie and say, "Get inside of me." And the pie will because I said so. I want gorgeous people to put pieces of pie in my mouth and not get angry if I can't finish it or don't like it or ask for some water, because it's just pie.

The reviews I would write would all be positive, maybe a little sexual, and have underlining wit, because tasting pie is one thing, but writing about it is another. It wouldn't be to rate it, it would simply to describe its many qualities. Hundreds, thousands, millions around the world would welcome me to put their pie in my mouth. My blog would be pilled with pictures of pies, pictures of me eating pie, and discussions about pie.

Maybe love will find me and begin to outshine my love for pie so we would settle down in the country next to an elderly couple who own a cherry orchard and the man bakes cherry pies while the wife picks the not-so-perfect cherries because they don't believe in gender roles. They gift me a pie on the odd occasion and I eat it and enjoy every bite, but my pie days are over and my blog is virtually dusty.  


Our Christmas cards have me and my significant other wearing beautifully vintage sweaters with a pie shaped baby in my arms. Every year the joke does not get old. I send it to a lot of people, but with no return address so they know I'm happy, even though I have not seen them for many moons. 


And everything would finally be wonderful.


Everything is pie and nothing hurts.

The future is bright, and by all means beautiful

The big future post. Here it is. Of course nothing is certain. I could change my mind tomorrow, but this is the first time I'm excited. I'm excited and I'm not scared and worried. I probably should be, but I need to just keep thinking that you need to risk it all to get it all. If I don't, then what? I'll be forever wishing I did and we can't have that.

So, the first part of the plan involves me not going to university. Yes, we are starting out bold.

The second part is coming back to high school, part-time, for another year. I need this. Who the hell am I kidding? I am in no way ready to move away. I need to face reality.

The third part is to focus on my for the year. Not what he's doing with his life, or how successful she is, just me. I do that too much. It kills me when I don't stand level with other people, so I shut down. I need to just do me. But not in a sexual manor. Well, maybe... I'm going to stop now.

The fourth part is going to college. The big C. I would be going to college for writing. Writing in television. Also, there is another program for writing in comedy, as well as performing like improv and sketch comedy and such. This is exactly what I want. It's so perfect it hurts.

The fifth part is moving. The college I would need to go to is around an hour and a half away, so it's not too far, but I would want to live there.

This is the plan I formed on my own. I don't know what the sixth part is. I know what I want it to be, but I don't know what it will bring. I haven't even talked to my guidance counselor yet. This is all me, and I don't know how it is going to work out.

It's funny how much my life has changed in the last year. I never thought of even considering this route, but it feels right somehow.

I love writing

I do. I love it. And I want to do it forever.

I want to create characters and jokes and story lines and plot twists. Why? Because I'm good at it. I can actually say, "Yeah, I'm pretty good at this stuff," and I love it. I love to do it.

So, guess what? I am going to be Tina Fey one day. And I will mention you in my speech as I'm winning the Emmy for Best Female Writer. Maybe by then I will have an actual fan base that I will call, "The Causal Hello's". If you are reading this then you are an honourary Casual Hello, so welcome.

I'm thinking about writing a screen play. Just for fun. I have the idea all planed out. I've had it planed out for a while. Guess who it stars? Tina Fey and I as mother and daughter. Yes. Well, those who would be ideally in the movie if it was made into a major motion picture. Hehehe

Quick writes 2.0

Today my teacher asked a question somewhere along the lines of, "Do you want to get married sometime in the future? Would you live with them first? What qualities would your 'ideal mate' have?"

My response:

"I guess I want to get married. I would live with them first because I guess you don't really know someone until you live with them. My 'ideal mate' needs to be nice, with a good sense on humour, but an understanding that I am, and always will be, a little bit funnier. He needs to love TV, and love to talk about it, but needs to know to be quiet while the show is happening. A good cook would also be ideal."

I regret nothing. Now, if you are a young man that has stumbled across this blog and you fit these characteristic, please comment on this post so we can get married.

Hopes up

Isn't it the absolute worst feeling in the world when you get your hopes up for something and your mind is set upon it and you're super excited, but then something changes and everything comes crashing down in front of you? The answer is yes. Yes, it is the worst thing in the world.

This is why I never get my hopes up for anything. This is why I do not allow myself to become excited. This is why I am a pessimist. It's like not taking any risks so you don't get hurt. I can't handle that feeling. That feeling that what you've pictured and went over perfectly in your mind has turned into an ugly memory that never even happened. You just wanted it to so bad it felt real. The memory isn't real, but the pain is.

This is why I am so reluctant to think about the future. I hate thinking about it because then I start to get hopeful. I start to form this map in my mind about how things are going to go and expect everything to just fall into place. There are always cracks in the road though, and those cracks turn into detours, and those detours turn into dead ends. Then where are you? Trapped.

And I know you can't live like that, but somehow I manage. I always pinpoint the absolute worst things that could happen. I never think, "Everything is going to be fine and everything will happen the way it's supposed to and everything will be wonderful," because it doesn't and I'm left even more sad.

This is one of my favourite things about writing. These characters rely on me for their fate. They have no say whether they fall in love or fall in front of a bus. That's all me. Their pieces fall into place eventually. Their lives live on through text and imagination, while the writer is stuck in the real world where they can't just make up some deliberate plot twist to make everything go the right way.

I have to constantly remind myself that I do not live in a novel or a show. I am not someones character. No one is writing my future. No one is staying up late turning the pages of my life and wondering how it will turn out. It's not as fun writing your own story because if you have an idea of how it will end, your life will just be full of disappointment. I'm not ready for this.

It's my birthday

Today I turned 17. It's been a good day. I gave my friend who has the same birthday a birthday napkin, as tradition. I was serenaded twice, not once, but twice, in my play meeting. I got a bunch of FaceBook wall writes from people I never talk to. I had chicken fingers and smile fries. I got a nice little cake. I made a wish on some candles. I lost on a scratch card.

So now I must write myself a letter because that's what I'm best at.

Dear 17 year old Stephanie,

        You're not 16 anymore. Maybe you should get some of your shit together. Start caring. About anything. About yourself, about others, about life. Become busy. I know that all you want to do is watch TV, but you're going to get off that sexy ass of yours because there is a real world out there. The real world is scary and may not follow the normal patterns a show does, but it's real. Read more. I don't care how busy you are or when your shows are on; you need to get into the habit of reading more, and spending less time here. Follow your dreams. By this time next year you will hopefully be in university stressing over some assignment. Things are going to get hard, but remember that you're doing it because you love it. Go out of your comfort zone. How will you do this, I don't know. Just don't be afraid to try new things. You're supposed to be a little bit stupid. Get over yourself. Spend less time on yourself because you're kind of the worst. Let more people get to know you. Get to know more people. Sleep more. I know, sleep is death. Sleep is impossible. Sleep is totally necessary. Talk to people. People are the worst. I get that, but you need to be a little more likable. Don't forget.
        I can't tell the future, but I remember your past. 16 year old Stephanie went down the wrong path and got lost. Turn around and try and find a new one. It may take a lot of time and effort but it will be worth it. You're cooler then anyone thinks. Make them see that.

17 is the age I will graduate high school. It's the age I will go to university. It is the age I will move away from home. It is the age I will learn a lot about myself. Let's get this done.

Dinosaurs

Stop for a second. Just clear your mind. Stop worrying about this, or over thinking about that. Just stop.

Now that your mind is empty. Think about this: 65 million years ago.

Think about how different our world was. The continents have shifted. The climates have shifted. The wildlife have shifted. There were no humans. There were no superior beings. No buildings, roads, art, language, documents. The world was just kind of as is. Humans didn't start to destroy it for millions of years later.

Think about how long you've been on the Earth. Think about how long your parents have been. For me, I've been here for a mere 16 years, while my parents have been here for 47. Think about how much has changed just in those years when your parents were growing up, to when you were growing up. The changes are drastic. Humans have made that happen.

In today's world, we live for a purpose. We become educated, we work, we form families, we have a place in society. So what was the purpose for dinosaurs? It was just solely survival. Of course they cared for their offspring, but they are animals in the bigger picture. Just animals roaming around, looking for food, mating, surviving. When one of them died, they died. They were probably eaten, but they died where they died. For us to find.

It's completely impossible for me to wrap my brain around the fact that this world in which humans dominate and change and destroy was once home to just animals doing whatever they want. It's the same world. Our world. Our Earth. All we have now is bones of a past life to tell us stories about how these mysterious animals lived.

The world goes on after you are dead. You can't know that. You can't see that. But it happens. My bones could end up in a museum one day with this blog post next to it with other humans looking at it, making fun of the technology, comparing to it their own and thinking, "People lived so differently back then," and they will try to understand how we made it. But they never will because if you didn't live through something, you can never truly understand it.

We will never know everything there is to know about dinosaurs, and that's what makes them so fascinating.

Past Stephanie pointing at
a creature from the past

Future

I'm freaking out about the future right now. Why do we have to decide all so quickly? We have to apply to university soon. I don't know what I'm going to do.

A part of me wants to take the risk. I love television and writing. Combine the two and you get a television writer. On top of that, I'm hilarious. Comedy writer. But, back to reality, I would never make it. To become this, I don't even need a degree. I could take some local classes in script writing. I could go to The Second City in Toronto and take some improv classes and learn how to write like that. I would send my scripts into different shows. I could work as a writers assistant until I get my break and become a writer for NBC. I would move to New York, or wherever they need me. There's the dream. But it wouldn't happen. I know that. But, that's what I want.

I'm probably going to go to some university that I can't afford and take generic courses to get my bachelors. Then get some nice little office job that doesn't pay nearly enough. Maybe write on the side. Try my luck at it anyways, but go no where with it. I guess I could always learn French and apply to CSIS. There's another dream.

I just think there's so much pressure on me to go to university, but I don't know if that's what I want. Collage might not be that bad and it might have what I'm looking for.

I need to stop dreaming. I have too many dreams. It hurts seeing them all crumble before they even have a chance.

Fuck. I have no idea. Also, Fuck, Stephanie, what are you doing with your life? Ugh. Get your shit together. Maybe I'm just destined to be a failure.

On a happy note: FUCK. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!?

Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!

Saturday Night Live is a digital time capsule. It started in 1975, way before my time. Since then it has been challenging society with sketches based on utter nonsense to pure, satire gold. Saturday Night Live is literally a timeline of humor, politics, and horrible hairstyles.

The show consists of an opening sketch starting at exactly 11:29:30, then moves to the opening monologue from the celebrity host, multiple sketches, the first performance from the musical guest, Weekend Update (the best part of the show), more sketches, the second musical performance, more sketches, and then the closing remarks. The show is 90 minutes long, including commercials.

Now that you know a little about it, let me just say this: I love Saturday Night Live.

Some of my favourite people have come out of it: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon, Kristen Wiig and Seth Meyers are still on it. I bet you would be surprised who has been on SNL over the years.

I have recently been watching SNL, season 30, which is from 2004-2005. Tina Fey and Amy Pohler are the Weekend Update people. Okay, I'll do it. FROM STUDIO 8H IN ROCKEFELLER CENTER, IT'S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH TINA FEY AND AMY POEHLER!

I find it so weird when they talk about news stories and I already know the outcome. Michael Jackson's court case was a very popular news story at the time, I just sit here going, "Well, he's dead now, it was never proven that he did, in fact, molest all those children." Or when they talk about Osama, I'm like, "You guys just killed him!"

I love the live aspect because anything can happen. If they laugh, they laugh. If a prop breaks, it breaks. If Ashlee Simpson is caught lip syncing, she is lip syncing. There is really no way around it, you just have to deal.

I also have so much respect for any celebrity who goes on SNL because they are there to pretty much make a fool of themselves on live TV.

If you have never watched SNL, I suggest you start now. Right this second. Also, tune in when I am on the show. I will start off as a writer, then get put on Weekend Update with some cute boy because I am reliable and he is cute and funny. We will have an on screen romance, and I will not be married, so it will blossom into a real romance. He will leave to start a talk show and I will get placed with my best friend. Oh, the fun we will have. I will then leave to start my own sitcom about behind the scenes of live TV.

OR, I will be on with my band 'Casual Hello'. I will offer to be in a sketch and it will be awesome.

OR, I will host when I get famous. In my monologue I will talk about how I want Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to be my lesbian moms. They will show up dressed as stereotypical lesbians and it will be super funny. The musical guest will be Owl City, and that's how I meet my husband.

Oh, SNL, how you make me dream.