Screenplay feedback

A while back I made a blog about how I was going to write a screenplay. And for my writers craft class, for our final magnum opus, we had to write a minimum of ten pages, any format we wanted. I decided to submit part of my screenplay. It's not finished and I don't know if I ever will finish it, but I handed in the first 20 pages. Well, it's the first part and then a random scene that I needed to write because it kind of started the whole thing.

Anyways, my teacher read it and she gave it back to me with comments and it just feels so good. It just makes me think, "Stephanie, maybe you're not an idiot for wanting to do with with your life."

Brief Summary:

The screenplay follows Vivian, a workaholic mother of one. As she spends majority of her time at her office, she is shocked to learn she has the whole summer off in light of a promotion. Sam, her sixteen year old introverted daughter, is also surprised as she is used to doing things on her own. Together, the two must learn to coexist by ultimately getting to know each other. While this brings conflict and obstacles they must overcome, it also brings the pair closer than they've ever been before.

It's a dramady (dramatic comedy). And it's just fun, I think. I based Sam directly off myself. She is awesome, of course. I have the whole thing planned out, but again, have the 20 pages written in screenplay format.

There is a whole scene where Vivian and Sam start to connect through Guitar Hero. That is the scene I read to the class and it was weird, but sort of awesome.

So anyways, this wast the feedback from my teacher (the most wonderful teacher of all):

• This is perfect - your reader knew the 2 plots were coming together in this way and its neither surprised or disappointed with the way they do - it feels natural.
• I love this exactly as it is. The characters are believable and likable. By the time Vivian picks up the guitar we know she's ready for a life change and it does not seem at all forced or contrived. You have accomplished something that is not east to do. Mother, daughter and maid are in for some good times :)
• I must add that the dialogue is masterful - nothing is over or underwritten. It's like you've been doing this for a long time!

Of course a big part of this blog is for me to look back on my life, and this just makes me insanely happy so I needed to write it down. I'm taking the same class again next year, with the same teacher. I am looking forward to it.

Over thinking

This was one of my journal entries I thought I would share because of the feedback I got from it today. It's kind of a short story.

           The moon was high in the sky. Well, I guess the moon is always high in the sky. That will make me sound dumb. Maybe something about how it is full? But is it full or is it in one of those awkward stages when it looks full but it secretly has a sliver taken out of it? It's probably in an awkward stage like me. He's known for a while. Why am I just finding out?
           Wait... did he just say something or was that a yawn? His mouth definitely opened. Should I flip my hair and laugh like one of the Kardashian's? I wonder if he likes them. Maybe I should say that the woman ahead of us kind of looks like Kim. But what if it makes me seem that I like them when I really only like when they make fun of them on SNL? What if he is a member of the Kardashian fan club and ditches me to try and get a picture with the fake Kim?
           I sip my drink. That's safe. Sipping a drink, not talking, and not making eye contact. Just sipping and trying not to choke. Choking will not help my case right now.
           "Wow, the moon is huge tonight. It must be full, right?" He spoke. He spoke. He said something. It didn't even sound dumb. I make sure to carefully swallow my drink before answering.
           "Yeah, it looks pretty full to me." Am I smiling like an idiot or like a sensible woman? Probably like an idiot.
           "I dare you to go up to that woman and ask her for her autograph." He wasn't smiling like an idiot. This is too perfect though; I had to ask.
           "Which woman?"
           "The one that looks like that one Kardashian... what's her name? They do a great impression of her on SNL. Do you watch SNL?"
           I feel like this is the start of a great evening.

__________________________
I seemed a lot longer in my journal, but I think it's cute. There was no topic for that one, just whatever you wanted.

This was the teachers comments: "I LOVE THIS! You have talent! Write a book. I will buy it. I will read it!"

I am still smiling. She also came up to me and told me that she loves to read my journal and that, "You will make a great comedy writer one day," and that's when I couldn't stop smiling like an idiot in class. I think some other people heard her tell that to me so that was also awesome.