Anyways, here I am freaking out. I cried a little. I lashed out at my mom. I ate ice cream. I talked to my parents about how I am going to fail. They tried to help but failed. What I am getting at is that it doesn't really matter. School and education is such a weird experience. I can't remember learning how to read or write, but I did and I can. I don't remember learning how to add and subtract, bit I did and I kind of can. It's the repetition and growth. It's not one test.
Of course it matters now. My mark will go down. My average will go down. But will doing bad on this one test affect my future? Will it hurt me so bad that I won't be able to do the things I want to do? Of course not. I am going to come out of this test tomorrow disappointed. I know that. I will study and study, but I am not going to do as well as I want. I accept that now.
This is why I am saving my Wonderbar for tomorrow.
Let's talk about my weird chocolate habits because it's legitimately messed. If I get a chocolate bar then I must save it for a 'special occasion'. This goes for chocolate I get for Christmas and other holidays. I usually wait to eat it when a show I enjoy is on or a movie. And I usually am too distracted to watch it fully. I will never learn.
Anyways, wish me luck on this test. I need it. Though, like I said, in the long run it doesn't really matter. But I guess people do say to live in the present. Okay. Everything matters. Fuck. Let me go study forever now.
