Auditions

My audition is tomorrow for the musical Oliver being held at my school and I am freaking out because I am having a hard time learning my lines. I am trying out for two people, and the one I am fine with, but the other not so much. I have to memorize two scenes, one for each character.

I have never auditioned for anything before so I don't really know what to expect. Oh well, we will just see how this goes. I never thought in the history of my high school career that I would ever be auditioning for anything, let alone a play.

Oh Stephanie. Look what has become of you. How does one do a complete 180 but still stay relatively the same? I am the same because I started a new TV show and it's wonderful but also super scary. It's called American Horror Story. I'm only seven episodes in but I am kind of in love. The name is true to the show though. It is literally a horror show.

Maybe typing my lines out from memory will help:

Hello, Noah, I brought you a little bit of bacon left over from master's breakfast. Oliver! Shut the door!

And take them bits and your tea and go over there and eat them! Make haste because they'll want you to mend the shop. Do you hear?

Lor Noah. What a tease you are! Let the boy alone.

Ha ha ha, you are a one!

What's up?

What a horrid wretch! You ungrateful murderous, villain!

Dear, dear, she's going off again!

I don't know mother, maybe we should send for the Bow Street Runners.

Oliver - he's run off!

Fuck. Those weren't even right. There aren't even that many! I don't know what's going on. The gist of them are right, just not the proper wording. Blurgh. The old lady has more lines and I like her better.

I am going to go cry myself into a 30 Rock coma.

Commotion

So I joined this group 12 weeks ago. I thought that I might as well do it because it seemed that it appealed to me. Of course I was worried. Of course I had doubts. I never would have expected it would have turned out like this.

I used to be that quiet girl who didn't talk, watched too much TV, and spent her time writing on this blog. These 12 weeks have helped me grow as a person. I am preforming for audiences and showcasing my talents and getting to know strangers and letting them know me. I have found new passions and explored interests and best of all, found out that I am actually good at them.

I was talking to one of the leader people and he was telling me that he really thought I was doing a good job. He was saying that I was listening to my scene partners and making eye contact and just really engaging in the performance. He asked if I was friends with anyone in my group beforehand. I said not really, just a couple were acquaintances. He said, well, you must have been in a drama class with some of them or something. I told him that I've never taken a drama class in high school. Whenever people hear that they are shocked, which I take as a great complement.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I guess that I am extremely grateful that I continued through with this program. I am glad I got to experience this side of myself because even though I have huge dreams, I never thought I actually held talent in the acting department. I am proud of myself that I took all the nerves and stress and turned it into an actual play. I am glad that I made friends, some of which I think will stay. And, lastly, I am devastated that it ends tomorrow.

We have two more shows tomorrow. One at 3pm and one at 7pm. And then what? I will go home and watch SNL and life will resume into the mess it was. My Wednesday's and Thursday's will not be special anymore. My weekends will be blurs.

I need to do something else, but I don't know what and that scares me.

Forever sadface

How the fuck do people do this? How do they decide what to do with the rest of their lives? How do they make it through high school?

School today was horrible.

Every class was blah this about university, and blah that about grades and scholarships.

I don't want to do this. I don't know if I can handle university.

This is only the first day back and I already want to give up and continue my hermit lifestyle.

I really hope this gets better before it gets worse.