New things with added ramble

So, I've been doing new things that I don't usually do this summer. This is not a breakthrough, because some of the things are not good at all. I don't know what it is, but I guess it's good to get out of your comfort zone. It's the only way you learn anything. If you're stuck in the pattern then you go crazy. If you branch out from the pattern, you could end up even more fucked, but at least you learned something.

I should write a book. I really should. Hmm... It would be called 'The Normal Life of a Non-American, Non-Call Girl, Sexually Frustrated, Delivery Person"

No it wouldn't.

Everything has just been weird lately and I hate thinking that there is so much summer left and what else is going to happen and where else is it going to take me because I honestly don't think I want to go.

Everything still makes me feel awful.

People make me feel awful.

And I keep telling myself to breath and move on because there are people out there dealing with way worse shit than you, but no matter how small you are, if something is affecting you personally, than I guess it's the most important thing because in the end, all you got is you.

In the end, all you have is yourself to worry about.

Ramblings from an unhappy outsider

They walk down together. Not really in a romantic way to an outsider. Why would it be romantic? One of them was wishing it was that way. They were wishing that their hands would grasp each others and continue walking. But this is not their time nor their world. So, they keep walking and one keeps wishing while the other keeps smiling and they're both just dying. Are they dying for the same reasons? Are their thoughts thinking the same thing? You'll have to ask them yourself as I am but an outsider.

So, how do I know? It's the same story told a million times. Girls, boys, boys, girls, frogs, lions, rattlesnakes. There are too many chances in this land of vast opportunity that makes it hard to guess how everything will properly line up. So yes, the one fancies them. Now, what is the chance that they are fancied back by the same individual that stays up at night thinking about them. I'm not a mathematician, but I would say the odds are not looking very good and their eyes continue to droop from lack of sleep while person number two is well rested.

We live in a sad wold where the people living are not always sad. Always being the key word. Sadness is a mysterious force that takes you over. It effects your soul like no other. It takes you down deep into the ocean where the sea life is not beautiful and the sun cannot reach and the pressure is unbearable, but somehow you're still breathing. And if you're breathing, even if you're breathing for just that one face, you have no choice but to smile.

But who knows what tomorrow will bring. Do you know? If you do then please call me and tell me. Sometimes your mind needs to be put to rest.

For I am sad; simply sad.