Over thinking

This was one of my journal entries I thought I would share because of the feedback I got from it today. It's kind of a short story.

           The moon was high in the sky. Well, I guess the moon is always high in the sky. That will make me sound dumb. Maybe something about how it is full? But is it full or is it in one of those awkward stages when it looks full but it secretly has a sliver taken out of it? It's probably in an awkward stage like me. He's known for a while. Why am I just finding out?
           Wait... did he just say something or was that a yawn? His mouth definitely opened. Should I flip my hair and laugh like one of the Kardashian's? I wonder if he likes them. Maybe I should say that the woman ahead of us kind of looks like Kim. But what if it makes me seem that I like them when I really only like when they make fun of them on SNL? What if he is a member of the Kardashian fan club and ditches me to try and get a picture with the fake Kim?
           I sip my drink. That's safe. Sipping a drink, not talking, and not making eye contact. Just sipping and trying not to choke. Choking will not help my case right now.
           "Wow, the moon is huge tonight. It must be full, right?" He spoke. He spoke. He said something. It didn't even sound dumb. I make sure to carefully swallow my drink before answering.
           "Yeah, it looks pretty full to me." Am I smiling like an idiot or like a sensible woman? Probably like an idiot.
           "I dare you to go up to that woman and ask her for her autograph." He wasn't smiling like an idiot. This is too perfect though; I had to ask.
           "Which woman?"
           "The one that looks like that one Kardashian... what's her name? They do a great impression of her on SNL. Do you watch SNL?"
           I feel like this is the start of a great evening.

__________________________
I seemed a lot longer in my journal, but I think it's cute. There was no topic for that one, just whatever you wanted.

This was the teachers comments: "I LOVE THIS! You have talent! Write a book. I will buy it. I will read it!"

I am still smiling. She also came up to me and told me that she loves to read my journal and that, "You will make a great comedy writer one day," and that's when I couldn't stop smiling like an idiot in class. I think some other people heard her tell that to me so that was also awesome.

Maybe

Maybe it's not fear, maybe it's ambition.

Maybe it's not possible, that doesn't mean to give up.

Maybe you're finished, 

Maybe you want to stop,

Maybe there is more.

There is more.

March break movie madness

This is a list of movies that I watched over my March break. It's been a beautiful week and I'm sad to see it go.

• The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• A Little Help
• Hugo
• Game Change
• Away We go
• Paul
• Animal Crossing Movie
• National Treasure
• National Treasure: Book of Secrets
• The Descendants
• Garden State
• Little Miss Sunshine

Away We Go was my favourite and I will have to watch it multiple times. They were all pretty good though. I do not regret watching any of them.

My initial list had 9 movies on it. I watched 12 and didn't even finish the list...

These are just the movies I watched. I watched a lot of TV too.... lololol I love March break

Li'l Nin and the comedy closet

I spent most of today with my Nannie. We went to the Mandarin, and we talked. My Nannie likes to ask me about what I'm doing next year. She also likes to tell stories about her past and I love to listen. My Nannie has had a long and tough life. She was telling me stories about her early working days. I would like to share some.

When my Nannie was 15, she set out and told her mom that she wasn't coming home until she found a job. She ended up lying to this company about her age and future plans. She told them that she was 16 and that she wasn't planning on going back to school. It was a factory to make men's socks. My Nannie worked three machines and she had to shove something on a needle so the sock could sew or something. Anyways, she worked full time for the summer, but she did want to go back to school so she told them the truth. They were angry, but still took her back for the winter holidays because she was already trained.

How crazy. At 15 she is lying and working a dangerous job. It just makes me think about how much things have changed. Imagine trying to do this now? My Nannie is 80 by the way, so this was in the late 40's. (I did math guys).

This story is my favourite. Nannie was hired at a fancy dress shop as a sale associate. This very short woman comes in looking for a dress for her daughters wedding. Li'l Nin helps her and gives her opinion on each dress. When the woman comes out each time, Nannie tells her that the dress isn't doing anything for her. Since she is so short, they all just looked like a bunch of fabric with no where to go. The lady thanks her and says she will try someplace else. Her boss calls her into her office. (What a poor sentence. So many 'hers'.) Boss lady explains that she should have told the lady that she looked fine in the dresses to make a sale. And my Nannie says, "I'm not going to lie to people just to make a sale. Don't bother firing me because I quit." Props Li'l Nin. She worked there for one fun day.

I then asked her what made her want to go into nursing. She explained some heart filled story about when her brother was dying and he only wanted her to make him his scrambled eggs. She explained how rewarding it was and how is was a challenge to her. She explained how she still loves it to this day. (She looks after an elderly women with a program called Seniors for Seniors). She then asked me if I would ever want to go into nursing. LOLNO. I told her I have zero people skills.

I told her about my plan to come back to good ol' high school for another year to think everything over. I told her that I am unsure about what I want to do. She kept asking about if I want to do a specialized skill. I don't even know what that meant but I blurted out something along the lines of, "I want to be a writer. Like comedy. I want to write for TV or something..." and she just looks at me like, "Excuse me?" but asks, "Like an author?" and I say, "No, more like scripts..." and she's like, "That's good because you have a big imagination." Thanks Nannie.

She then left to get some dessert and think over my life choices. It's so hard to tell people that you want to go into comedy because they get so confused. Everyone in my family thinks I'm so smart and shit, but really, I'm not. I retain information and then try to make a joke about it. My mind works with movie and show references. I just want to be funny so everyone just be cool about it!

When she came back she asked me if I would ever consider going into childcare and I was just like no. And that pretty much concludes that conversation. She is happy that I am probably going to go back for the year. I don't think it's that she won't support me, I just don't think she knows why I want to do it. That's everyone's problem. They don't know anything about me but they think they do.

The comedy closet is here to stay.

For me

The world needs fuck ups, just be your own fuck up. No one expects anything from you, and that's where you need to stay. No expectation means to failure. It means you can do whatever you want. Why are you so scared? It's because you keep thinking you have to be something. You keep comparing yourself to everyone that wants to be something and that has a plan. You've always been independent. You've always been an introvert. You need to branch away. Not cut the ties, but move a little away from them. You don't need to prove anything by doing something you don't want to do. Learn more. Watch more. Write more. Live fucking more. Finish everything. Be happy. You're happy now. You've been happy. Stay this way. Deep breaths.

You don't need to be Tina Fey, but you need to be as brave as her.

Movies are awesome. They teach you something. I watch a lot of movies and I love it.

Perspective

Have you ever thought about how you're the only one in your head? You're the only one reading this post from where you are at this very moment? I'm the only one coming up with these words to type out for this blog. We are all inside our own heads and the person next to you will forever be a mystery.

I often think about this. Maybe too often. I think about it when I'm walking or in car and I pass by someone I've never seen before. I think about how small I am because all these people are going to their destination. They have their plan set and are putting it into motion. What is their plan though? Who are they? Where are they going? Do they wonder who I am? Will I ever see this person again?

As I am looking at this strangers face, what are they seeing? Our eyes see two completely different things at the same time. They are thinking thinking about something I can't even think of because we're different. They know different things then me. They're brains don't work the same. What they're doing or thinking of could actually matter. It could change something. It could be important.

Have you ever thought about how your problems are that of one person? There are so many people doing their own thing, fighting their own battles, living their own dreams, and here you are. Do you matter? Of course you matter. You matter to yourself and to the people around you and to me.

It's just that unknowing. It always comes back to the unknowing. The things that we will never know. What are they thinking? What are they doing at this very moment? How are they living? What are they doing? I remember when I was little and I often thought about what celebrities were doing, particularly Sporty Spice. My imagination went as far as playing soccer, I'm sure I was close... I just like to know and wonder.

I love observing people. Seeing them laugh at something I can't hear or make a face or any sort of reaction because it's probably a reaction I will never understand because I am not them. Let's create a scenario: I start talking about tacos to someone I do not know very well. Their face crinkles up in slight disgust. I notice, but do not say anything. Little do I know it's because she ate tacos last week with her boyfriend and he got food poisoning and barfed taco chunks on her favourite shirt.

The word taco triggered her memory. But if you said taco to me, I would just think of eating tacos at my house, which is quite wonderful. Everyone is different. Everyone is going to have a different thought process and reaction and you will never understand. You'll just sit there thinking, "Why did I tell that stupid taco story? She obviously thought it was stupid because of that look on her face." But no one knows what people are thinking. No one except them

This blog was kind of everywhere. This is what you should have learned: You're forever your own person, you will never know everything, you matter, people are different than you, tacos are good and bad.

Real life conversations 4

This was a while ago, bu my mom and I were reminiscing about it today and it's still just as funny.

My mom fell asleep on the couch, and it was getting late so I decided to go turn the TV down. (This happens almost every night and it is beyond annoying.) So I walk into the living room and a funny commercial is on. My mother kind of wakes up my by quiet laughter.

Me: Do you know who is in this commercial?

Mom: What? No.

Me: It's Will Arnett!

Mom: ....I thought he was black.

Me: What? Who?

Mom: Will.i.am.

Me: (Lots of laughter) No mother, Will Arnett. The actor married to Amy Poehler.

Mom: What time is it?

Barely awake mother is always hilarious. I really wish she would have said: Wil.iam from Fergie! Oh movie references.