Uplifting Playlist for the Haters

Here are 8 tracks that I hope you will listen to, enjoy, but think, "I am never going to listen to this song again."

I find music so fascinating. How we all like different genres and artists. How we can't stand others. Let's all just appreciate each others music. You obviously don't have to listen, but you should. Music tells stories. It let's you in on a very personal level with the person sharing it with you.

Click to listen to my Uplifting Playlist for the Haters.

(Also, thank you to Carling for showing me this website, her blog here.)

Blame the cucmbers

When something goes wrong in my house, whether it is a computer not working, or the satellite, or any type of electronic, my mother won't be far away to make up some crazy story. She knows absolutely nothing about computers or electronics, so she makes up some kind of explanation that only makes sense to her. 

Yesterday my dad changed the theme packages on our TV so we would get a better variety of channels. It worked fine with our receiver in the living room, but today I noticed that my receiver did not change. My receiver is old and it never works out. So, we call Bell and get this nice little Asian woman named Blanch. Yes, Blanch, I don't know either...

After trying multiple things, it still didn't work. And there's my mother, "I bet it's the cucumber plants outside blocking the signal." AHHHH. Like, no mom. It isn't. It works in the other room. Just because there is a fucking plant near the satellite dish means nothing.

She always does this. And it pisses me of every time. 

I cleaned Lemon's bowl the other day, and it's really murky. I don't know why and it worries me.

I decided to finish watching Lost. I am on the last season. It's a really crazy show, and it's weird because it's not the sort of show I usually watch. I was thinking about what shows I've watched this summer. Here is a list:

3 seasons of Arrested Development

2 seasons of Community

Around 5 seasons of SNL

2 seasons of Lost

And countless movies.

Those are the things that I planed on watching anyways. TV, you are my life. I am yours. Never leave me.

Best of Me

This is one of my favourite songs. It's the only song I know by them. I always have it stuck in my head.

The video is very cute too. It's an older song.

Be calm

"Don't become something just because someone else wants you to, or because it's easy; you won't be happy. You have to do what you really, really, really, really want to do even if it scares the shit out of you." -Kristen Wiig


This quote just made me insanely hopeful. I'm going to talk to my guidance councilor a lot this year. I can just see them being like, "Okay, well, what do you want to do after high school?" and me saying, "Well, I want to be Tina Fey with a splash of Kristen Wiig and Amy Poehler." Then when they look at me blank faced I will say, "Bitch please, you don't know my life." Then we will start the journey on my future. 


Also, happy birthday in 1 and a half hours Kristen Wiig.

Future

I'm freaking out about the future right now. Why do we have to decide all so quickly? We have to apply to university soon. I don't know what I'm going to do.

A part of me wants to take the risk. I love television and writing. Combine the two and you get a television writer. On top of that, I'm hilarious. Comedy writer. But, back to reality, I would never make it. To become this, I don't even need a degree. I could take some local classes in script writing. I could go to The Second City in Toronto and take some improv classes and learn how to write like that. I would send my scripts into different shows. I could work as a writers assistant until I get my break and become a writer for NBC. I would move to New York, or wherever they need me. There's the dream. But it wouldn't happen. I know that. But, that's what I want.

I'm probably going to go to some university that I can't afford and take generic courses to get my bachelors. Then get some nice little office job that doesn't pay nearly enough. Maybe write on the side. Try my luck at it anyways, but go no where with it. I guess I could always learn French and apply to CSIS. There's another dream.

I just think there's so much pressure on me to go to university, but I don't know if that's what I want. Collage might not be that bad and it might have what I'm looking for.

I need to stop dreaming. I have too many dreams. It hurts seeing them all crumble before they even have a chance.

Fuck. I have no idea. Also, Fuck, Stephanie, what are you doing with your life? Ugh. Get your shit together. Maybe I'm just destined to be a failure.

On a happy note: FUCK. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!?

Real life conversations

Mom: What are you going to do for lunches when you go back to school?
Me: (yells) I am not going back to school!
Mom: Oh yeah?
Me: Yes. I am going to drop out and move to Australia.
Mom: What are you going to do there?
Me: I heard the economy is good. I will easily find work... as the youngest surgeon ever! I will tell them I did my schooling in Canada. They won't doubt me. Everybody believes Canadians.
Mom: Has anyone ever told you how weird you are?
Me: They won't be saying that when I save their lives... as the youngest surgeon ever!

Then I grabbed my grilled cheese and ran.

Community

The best part of any show is the unlikely friendships. In 30 Rock you have Jack and Liz, in Parks and Recreation you have Leslie and Ben, in Chuck you have Casey and Morgan. Every show has them.

I started watching Community. I'm only 8 episodes in, but I only started watching tonight. It's a pretty good show so far. I started watching it because it's on at 8 on Thursdays on NBC. Now my Thursdays can start at 8 instead of 8:30. I think for the future.

Community is about people attending a community collage. The cast is so diverse, which leads to so many unlikely friendships. You have the sassy black lady who is friends with the young overachieving white girl who is friends with a football star who is friends with a TV obsessed guy who is friends with a creepy old man who is friends with a charismatic lawyer who is friends with a girl named Britta, like the filter. Together they make their Spanish study group.

It's a funny show. I have a weird sense of humor. I usually like smart funny with a shit load of satire. I like flashbacks, and one-liners, and snappy comebacks. I was thinking about how I can go a whole movie or show without actually laughing out loud, but still find it funny. Is that normal? I don't laugh at a lot of things it seems. Like YouTube. I almost never actually laugh at YouTube videos, but I will still find it funny and worth watching.

I also have the ability to watch the same episode of a show, or a movie, or read a book, over and over again. Like, my favourite episode of 30 Rock is called Retreat to Move Forward. I watched it again yesterday. I have seen it like 10 times and it doesn't bother me that I can say the lines with the characters, if anything, it makes it more enjoyable. That goes for any show. Flu Season is my favourite Parks and Recreation episode, I also watched it again yesterday. I have seen it like 10 times too. I would watch the both again today.

The more I watch something, the more I like it. I don't care if I know what happens. You just enjoy it in the moment.

I just learned that Late Night with Jimmy Fallon will not be new for two weeks. TWO FULL WEEKS WILL NO JIMMY.

Pictures show my emotions. I hope you like them. Now, back to more Community and SNL.

4am thoughts

Why am I still awake? I'm verging on 24 hours with no sleep.

Can I just virtually scream? Not about sleep, just about everything.

I need a better control on life.

I think I need a psychiatrist. Maybe I will look into local ones. Somethings you can't confide in a blog.

I know I'm tired when my bed actually feels comfortable. I don't know if I will be able to sleep. Here goes nothing.

Blue whales

First of all, let me start this by saying how I like writing blog posts in the wee hours of the morning better then other, normal hours. Now, let's move to the topic. Blue whales.

Blue whales fascinate me more then a lot of things. They blow my mind. Let me throw a few quick facts at you.

• 30 meters long
• Weighing 180 metric tons or more
• Largest known animal to ever exist

30 meters long. This is hard to imagine.

Blue whale compared to an average sized human.

Your average 30 meter whale would be about the same size as a 10 story building. Go look at an apartment building near your house. Count the stories. Picture a blue whale casually standing beside it. Is your mind blown?

This amazing creature is in our oceans. There are thousands of these in our oceans. Think about how large these bodies of water are. 

Our world baffles my mind. How can something so large live in the same world we do?

The ocean. So many bizarre creatures down there. I find it so amazing how everyday we discover so many new species. We definitively will never know the variety and abundance of life. If something can survive at the bottom of the ocean, why can't something survive on another planet?

Right now I'm looking at Lemon. Such a tiny little fish. She will never know what's it's like to experience such a vast body of water. She will never have to worry about predators. She just has to coexist with Lil' Sebastian.

I hope, one day, I will be able to see a blue whale. I hope that I will be able to see the ocean. Nothing is more fascinating then something that is beyond possible, but out of your reach.

Welcome new one

A big part of me wanted Tina to name her baby Stephanie. She was close, but so far off.

Nonetheless, welcome baby Penelope Athena Richmond.

Late night television

As a lover of TV and an insomniac, I tend to watch a lot of late night TV. Every weeknight from 12:37am to 1:37am I watch Late Night With Jimmy Fallon. Later then this I catch an episode of Friends, or The Office, or what ever is on. These wonderful shows are not what I have come to rant about.

The commercials.

I can't stand late night commercials. Those fucking commercials where they get a bunch of hot, boobs falling out of their shirts, blonde, baby voiced, women to prance around pretending to look sexy on the phone so desperate men will call and pay money. To talk. To a fake lady. Those ones where it is like 'local singles' and 'easy meet-ups' make me want to die. They should have a disclaimer about whoring around, because let's face it, this is not to get to know a person.

I wonder how these things stay in business. Do any actual women call? If they do, they must be very popular. I kind of want to call one day, just to see if it's like instant phone sex with some creepy forty-year-old married man that's hiding in his garage so no one will hear him, or if it's just like, hey, what's up, I'm Jack, for legal reasons that is not my real name, meet me at this address in ten.

The whole idea of it pisses me off and the fact that they play the commercial every five seconds pisses me off more. This brings me to my next point.

The Network.

Late Night With Jimmy Fallon is aired on NBC. Since NBC is an American network, I get transferred to a Canadian network that is also airing it. I would be fine with this if it was Global or CTV or one of the other bigger, Canadian networks, but no. It's called A Network, whatever the hell that means. It is like super ghetto and I hate it. The graphics are bad. The commercials are horrible.

Another commercial that plays a lot is an ad for a wall clip that you can put your tissue box on. The ad shows how if the box is on a counter, babies can wreak havoc on it or it can fall in a toilet. Like shit man, my tissues need a better place to live! Sure, in some ways I can find this useful. But it is ugly. There are these two, metal clips that you have to nail onto your wall. The commercial shows, with abuse, how easy you can smash your box onto the clips and how it is just as easy to take the box off. But what about the hanger? No, it's there forever.

You can tell this old man was fed up with his tissue box falling in the toilet, so he bent some metal and drilled it to the wall. His daughter came over and was like, "Daddy! You is so smart man! Sell this! THE WOLD NEEDS TO KNOW!" This is probably the only ad time they could afford, on the ghetto network. It's quite sad. I hope they sell a lot. That is all their investments. That is their future. (Also, they had a bunch of different tissue brands, that they probably didn't have permission to use, maybe they will get sued.)

It is worth it though, to be able to enjoy Jimmy Fallon.

I FOUND THE COMMERCIAL!

No hate, give it some love. Like it. It had 18 views when I found it. It needs love. Maybe we can kill it with kindness.

I wrote the first comment, it says: I see this commercial like 90 times when I'm watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. It really brightens up my late night TV experience.. Thank you. Your product seems very useful.

They better appreciate it.

Wait, this is actually really fucking weird. It was uploaded on the 9th. So, like yesterday. And I decide to write about it today!? Ahh. I know too much!

Airborn

Today I started to reread one of my favourite books. It is called Airborn and it is by the wonderful Canadian author, Kenneth Oppel.

The story is set in a imaginary past, but a believable one. It takes place on an luxury airship, which I guess is like a giant blimp. It is filled with hydrium, an element that is lighter then helium or hydrogen. It is 900 feet long and weighs about two million pounds on take-off. The story follows Matt. He is a fifteen-year-old cabin boy. Matt is an interesting character. He loves nothing more then the sky and flying. It also follows Kate. She is a rich passenger on the airship and is around Matt's age.

It's weird that things that are so crazy and unbelievable can feel so very normal and believable in a novel. This book has nonexistent elements, impossible animals, and sky pirates, and it all works. It also has adventure and romance.

I love how it is set in the past. I'm guessing around the 30's or 40's from the clothes styles and other factors. It could easily take pace in an imaginary time period or alternate reality though. It's refreshing to step back in another time though. Things are so different, sometimes it's frustrating. Like how women have to be so proper and they are expected to wear certain things at certain times of the day, whether it is dinner or simply lounging around.

The book definitely draws away from that with Kate though. She has set her priorities and she doesn't care how she looks when she fulfills them. She is a woman of science, even though it was frowned upon. Women doing science  No, leave that to the men. Go sew something pretty. She's like bitch please, look at this new animal, zoology here I come!

It is simply a wonderful book that is easy to reread because so much happens. I recommend you go read it. Now. Stop reading this blog and go to a book store. I'm serious. You better have left by now. Why are you still reading this?

Weird Dreams

I've been having weird dreams over the past couple days. I am going to tell you about them.

Okay, this one dream I had, I came home and my house was completely different. I was really confused. It was really awesome, like all new and complected. And it was huge. I kept wandering around, trying to find my room. There was so many people over. I think they were my family visiting or something. I got mad at one lady. I was still trying to find my room, when I went up this ramp thing off the kitchen and I found a nursery. There was some like 10 year old boy in it with a toddler. I think he was supposed to be my cousin. At that moment I realized that all these people were going to be living with us.
It was weird after that because I was like, "This better be a dream. I need to wake up." When I didn't wake up, I thought it was real. I texted my friend saying, "This better be a dream or I'm going to freak." Which, thinking back, is really funny. I finally found my room, and it was big, but none of my old things were in it. There was a fish tank, and I ran up to it trying to find Lemon, but there was just a bunch of exotic fish. Then this dragon looking fish and some other random one started fighting.
It was a really weird dream.

This other dream I had last night. It was an awesome dream, but, once again, weird.

I was at some sort of camp or something. We were having a spaghetti dinner. Tina Fey was there. She came up to me and asked if I was going to sit next to her. I asked if she wanted me to because there was an obvious separation from the adults and kids. She said of course. So, I got my food, which was a challenge because there was a lot of people. I sat down across from Tina, and Seth Meyers* sat down next to me. Tina and I didn't talk much, but Seth started talking to me. He was asking me random questions about high school, I think he thought I was younger. He then said something like I was quiet or something, and I told him I didn't really like to talk. And Tina was like, what, you talk all the time! And we had a good laugh. Seth offered to drive me home, even though it was like a 4 hour drive from this camp. I said yes. We stopped at his house first because he had to get something, and I thought it was weird that he still had a Christmas tree up. It was one of those small, fake ones. I assumed it was because he works a lot. He also had a cat. When we were driving, this car literally fell down a giant set of stairs and hit us, but it wasn't bad and we kept driving.
I was a weirdly awesome dream.

Sometimes I will go for months without remembering my dreams, but then I will have a week where I remember a bunch. I hope you enjoyed my crazy dreams.


__________________
*Seth Meyers is the head writer of SNL, and he also does Weekend Update. Here is a picture of him for visual purposes. (Or just because he is gorgeous. Either way, look at his face.)

Things I will never understand 2

I thought of more. Here goes nothing. Once again, you could probably explain it to me, but I will probably go on and not understand.
Things I will never understand 1


1. Cameras
They can take a screenshot of your life. Exactly how it looked. I don't understand how something can do that. Everyone uses them, but sit down and think about what it's doing. It's mind-blowing. Same with videos. A moving picture of something that happened. Exactly as it happened and how it happened. Freaks me out.

2. Domestic Pets
Have you ever just looked at your cat or dog and thought, "This is a beast. A real life creature. And it likes me." Watch it move and skulk about. They are so different from humans, yet they can build relationships with them. We can train them to do our evil bidding. Then look outside. Those animals don't like us.

3. Taste
How one thing can taste like heaven to me, but like shit to another person. How the taste of something can alter our moods and feelings. How things can taste sweet and bitter and salty. How I can say sweet, bitter, and salty and you know the distinctive difference.

4. Flying
Birds can fly. They can flap those little wings and take off. They fly over such long distances. Same with planes. It is a freaking hunk of metal in the sky! People travel across the world in them.

5. Language
I find it so weird that I can type this out and understand what it says. I place each individual letter to create words of the English language in which I speak. How did the word tree get named for that giant thing outside?How did any of these words get named? How does our brain process all these random squiggles in our alphabet to form something comprehensible? How do I know all these words? How do you teach someone this? Why do we have so many different languages? Sophisticated language is one of the things that separates us from primates. It is truly amazing.

SNL monologue 2

This is the first one I've ever thought of. Please, feel free to judge me.



STEPHANIE DOUGHTY MONOLOGUE ~ Stephanie Doughty/Tina Fey/Amy Poehler




(OPEN ON: STEPHANIE COMING DOWN TO CENTER STAGE.)




           STEPHANIE


Hello everyone! Wow, it's so amazing to be here a Saturday Night Live! Every Saturday night I would blow off all the cool teen parties and social events, that I was of course invited to, and stay in my room to watch SNL. It feels just like yesterday that I was spending my summer vacation watching old episodes. Episode after episode, hour after hour. Best summer ever. The seasons with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler doing Weekend Update were by far my favourite. Actually, let me tell you a little secret. My most deep, dark, wish is that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are my lesbian moms.


(TINA AND AMY COME OUT, HOLDING HANDS, LOOKING BUTCH.)


           TINA


Didn't anyone ever tell you sweetie?


           AMY


When you make a wish on the SNL stage, it comes true.


(OUT OF CHARACTER)
           
           TINA


No matter how very weird it may be.


           AMY


Yeah, seriously. What teenage girl dreams of this in her spare time?


(REALIZING THEY WENT OUT OF CHARACTER, GOES BACK INTO CHARACTER.)


           TINA


She is our daughter though, and we love her.


           STEPHANIE


Oh moms! I love you too! We have a great show for you tonight! The Submarines are here! Stick around, we'll be right back!


(CAMERA PANS AWAY WITH STEPHANIE, TINA, AND AMY BECOMING BEST FRIENDS.)

Animal Crossing

Animal Crossing is my favourite game ever. I've played it since the ever popular GameCube version. I then played Animal Crossing Wild World for DS, and currently play Animal Crossing City Folk for Wii.

If you know nothing about the game, here is a little summary: You live your life in a small town with residents that are only animals. You earn money, customize your house, enjoy the seasons, participate in event, and make friends. They time changes like real time, so as I'm writing this, the game is technically changing too.

You make the game your own. There are no winners or losers, only players. I love that. I love the community aspect of it. If you leave for a couple months, you can always come back. Things will have changed, but you can always get right back on track again.

Every month there is something different to look forward to. Everyday there are simple tasks to do. You can celebrate your birthday, Christmas, Easter, Thanks Giving, New Years and many more. It adds to the excitement of the day knowing that there is always something waiting for you on Animal Crossing.

There are no bad days on Animal Crossing.

Punching light switches

When I'm mad I punch light switches off. It's like punching a wall, but with a purpose. I'm so fucking pissed off; I could punch all the fucking light switches in this damn house.

Have I mentioned lately that I hate my family? I fucking hate my family. I hate when they have people over. I hate when those people happen to be more family.

When they pick up on my foul moods they are just like, "Oh, you're tired." and I'm like, "No." Then I go into a corner and whisper swear words to myself.

I'm going to go watch a movie now. When it's over I will go and survey the damage and look after this household for another night.

I can't do this anymore.