In The Dark I See

Here is my final cover.

In The Dark I See - Lights Cover

I hope you enjoy it. I love playing this song, once again I think it sounds better in my head. But, whatcha gunna do?

I registered for school today. I am not looking forward to it but I'm going to try and stay positive. Le sigh. The summer has gone by fast, which is good, but now I have to face this. I didn't want to become this, but here I am. 

Random note to self: Never fucking buy waterproof mascara again.

Rivers and Roads

This is one of my favourite songs. Whenever I play a song acoustically I sometime think it and I sound amazing, but it never transfers on camera, and this is one of those times. I don't know if it's me thinking too highly of myself, or the camera, or my fear of cameras. But I don't think it's horrible.

Rivers and Roads - The Head and the Heart Acoustic Cover

My hair looks so different than yesterday when I shot this video! I didn't take a picture of it normal, but here is one of me and experimenting with it. I like it a lot better shorter and I like being able to do stuff with it.

Embracing the camera

I feel so much more confident with my hair short. I'm not always worried about what it looks like what I'm out. It's just there not doing anything. I love it and I feel fantastic. I wish I did it sooner.

You and I

Today was a cover kind of day! I did three, so look for those periodically, or stalk my Youtube to watch or they are already all on here because you're reading this in the future.

You and I - Lady Gaga Acoustic Cover

Just click the link and go to Youtube. It's so annoying to post videos on here if they are from a different account than the one set up with your blogger. Arg.

Blogger, fix that.

Now.

Anyways, I'm getting a haircut tomorrow! Again... I will post more pictures because I am turning very vain because hell, I like my face and I like to look at it, so sue me.

You want to know something else that's hilarious? I started watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians and I love it. I'm on season four... This is my life.

Insight for the foolish

Everyone has their little quirks. Everyone does little things that everyone may not notice, or that they don't show to anyone. Every single person is fucking insane, but we're too afraid to let others in on it. We're so afraid to let people see the weird things we do behind closed doors.

Truth is, it's so easy to fall in love with someone. It's so easy to fall in love with the little things they do. It's so easy to look at someone and think, "I love when you do that." It's so simple to find little quirks about a person that you love, if they let you.

If you were able to follow someone home and watch them sing along to their favourite song, and watch them play with their dog, and watch them smile when they text, and watch them get frustrated at the news, and watch them interact with people that have nothing to do with you, you could so easily fall in love.

This could be that person that doesn't say anything in class, or that other person that smokes by the street, or that other person that eats lunch alone. We're so consumed in being liked, instead of being loved. We're consumed in our own lives, instead of realizing there are others out there.

In the end, we all want someone that you can show your weird quirks to. We want someone who won't judge us for what we do behind closed doors. We want someone to love us. If you're looking for love, let people see who you are. Allow them to fall in love with you one piece at a time like you will fall in love with them. Open your eyes and notice everything about them. Observe.

And then you'll realize you don't just love the way they smile to themselves, you love them.

I am

I am not a happy person

I am not the flowers and sunshine that put light on your face

I am not a simple person

I am not that caterpillar destined to grace the Earth with new wings

I am not a optimistic person

I am not a bird ready with wings to soar

I am a thinker

I am a dreamer

I am an observer

I am in the darkness hoping the rays of life will not skip past me

I am hoping you will not need to share yours

I am willing to let you keep them

I am willing to stay in the dark

I will never be that happy person

I will never put light on your face

Multitasking

This is a video of me singing and playing guitar to When You Were Young by The Killers on Rock Band! I did this a while ago but forgot to blog about it. And I didn't even do that well and I was playing on hard when I play this song on expert now! Whatever. Enjoy!

Olympics

I really got into the Olympics this year. I watched it pretty much all the time. I'm very sad to see it come to a close. It makes me so proud to be a Canadian, no matter how many medals we got and how many of them happen to be bronze.

I don't consider myself a sports person, but when I was younger I did and now I regret giving up sports. I was a track and field star from grades 4-8. I made it to the next level most years. I remember in grade 4, on track and field day, in the morning it was all track. I think I got one fifth place ribbon or something random. I went home for lunch slightly disappointed, but excited for the afternoon. I ended up winning first place in high-jump, triple-jump, and long-jump. It might be one of my proudest moments. High-jump was always my best sport. I came in first in grade 6 too. Such a magical time.

This Olympics I watched every sport like nobody's business, but the sport I fell in love with was soccer.  And the players. Woman's soccer to be specific. The Canadian ones. But it's such a weird feeling to put yourself in their shoes. They play professional soccer for a living. They took home a bronze medal winning the hearts of all Canadians. People know their names and are watching them do what they love, and it's just so real. And so amazing to me.

It's a weird concept, putting countries against each other to compete for chunks of elements. But it brings out so much beauty and so much pride. And I'm really sad that it's over because now what am I going to watch at 5am when I can't sleep?

Another thought came to me while watching the closing ceremonies. The summer Olympics is every four years. Where will I be in four years? Last summer Olympics it was the summer I was going into grade 9. I didn't think, "Wow, next summer games I'll be a high school graduate that has really nothing going for her."

And while the Canadian Woman's soccer team practices to get ready for the next Olympics and the World Cup and stuff, what will I be doing? What will I be doing in two years for the winter Olympics? I honestly have no idea, and I think that's a good thing. But I'll be in my 20's which is just weird.

I hope, wherever I am, there is a television that constantly has the Olympics on.

Let's answer some questions!

1: When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last?

Strawberry! 

2: Would you rather be caught in a thunderstorm without an umbrella or a snowstorm without boots?
Snowstorm, as long as some sort of footwear is available

3: Let's say you have access to a time machine, but it can only go either backward or forward. One or the other. Which do you choose and where do you go?

Honestly, I'd probably go back to grade 8 and get my shit together before high school knowing what I know now.

4: If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick?

The power of seduction

5: Tomorrow morning, you wake up in the body of a celebrity, like in a '90s body-swap movie. Who is it? How do they react to your life? What do you do when you're "them"? Would you choose to switch back?

Tina Fey. She is scared to death to be me. I do amazing things, like go to work and call Amy Poehler. Yes, I would because then I could talk to her about the weird thing that happened, forever forming a friendship like sisterhood.

6: Any allergies?

Only to your mom's perfume. 

7: What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers?

Adult diapers, because it's not like there's a specific store dedicated to adult diapers.

8: Did you get enough sleep last night?

Ha, no.

9: You're the sole witness to a Mafia murder. Witness protection has to set you up with a whole new life in a totally new country. You have to leave everything behind, but you can pick where you move to. Where do you go?

Ah, I don't know! I want to say like Grease or Australia, but realistically, probably NYC bitches.

10: If you could star in a biopic about any famous person ever, who would it be?

Tina. Fey.

11: What's the biggest animal you've ever killed? Bugs count.

Mountain lion with my bare hands.

12: Would you rather have millions of dollars but always feel nauseous when you go outside, or be dirt poor forever but never get sick again in your life?

Rich. Who needs the outdoors?

13: A wizard offers you immortality in exchange for your two front teeth. Do you take it?

Yes I would.

14: Could you win the Hunger Games?

I wouldn't want to win. 

15: What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid? How about as a teen/adult?

Barbie as a child. Barbie as an adult.

16: Do you bite your nails?

Nope

17: What was the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?

I remember going to go see Pokemon very clearly.

18: Do you prefer music with male or female vocalists?

Usually male

19: You and the love of your life are having a baby, and you get to choose the name! There's only one catch: your partner INSISTS that it be the name of a place, real or fictional. What do you name your baby?

Pawnee

20: If you could reboot or remake any movie, what would it be and who would you cast?

Charlie's Angels. Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Maya Roudolf would play the girls. Lorne Michaels would be Charlie. Jimmy Fallon would be Bosley.

21: If you could automatically know how to speak any language or play any instrument, which would you choose?

I would choose to know how to flawlessly play guitar, or piano.

22: For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing?

Probably

23: If you curse loudly and then realize that there are children nearby, what is your reaction?

"Oh fuck, sorry."

24: Of what animal are you most afraid?

Velociraptor

25: Pizza or oral sex?

Oral sex from someone who just ate pizza. (I'm only half joking)

26: Without looking them up, can you explain the rules of football? How about Quidditch? What do you think that says about you?

Not really. Like, in someways. I think Quidditch more than the technical aspects of football, unless by football we mean soccer. 

27: You're in the car, switching channels on the radio when you hear a song that makes you go "OH SHIT, THAT'S MY JAM!" What song is it?

Hold On by Wilson Philips

28: Have you ever paid to see a Step Up movie? If not, how much would someone have to pay YOU to see a Step Up movie?

I saw the first one in theaters... twice.

29: If you were being executed tonight, what would you choose for your last meal?

Chicken fingers and smile fries.

30: Have you ever bought an item of clothing because it reminded you of something a fictional character would wear?

Ahahaha, yes. I don't even regret it.

31: If you were invisible for a day, what would you do?

Stalk a whole lot of people

32: Have you ever been punched in the face?

No, and this saddens me. Someone punch me in the face!

33: How do you take your ramen noodles?

Cooked

34: Do you ever rehearse or plan conversations before you actually have them?

Almost always

35: How much black do you wear on a regular basis (not counting funerals)?

Because funerals are a regular basis. Not that much usually.

36: Do you have any tattoos? Do you want any?

No, and yes

37: If someone offered you a free pet snake, would you take it? It's not dangerous or really big or anything. They're just moving to a place that doesn't allow pets.

If I lived alone, sure

38: Do you know how to pronounce the word "pinochle"?

I do after I asked Google

39: Can you think of anything more boring than birdwatching?

Being outside and there being no birds

40: Are you better with numbers or words?

Words, as in writing down words

41: At the movies, do you stay for the credits?

No

42: Is morality universal or relative?

Universal

43: Let's say you're getting married to someone you absolutely adore. The only catch is that you met them through a Craigslist hookup ad that was supposed to be just for one night of casual sex. Would you tell your friends how you and your fiance met?

Yes, and it would be awesome and everyone would support me. (No.) (I'd probably make a joke about it at the wedding.)

44: What's the worst name you've ever been called?

Oprah Winfrey

45: Would you eat human flesh if it had been harvested and prepared humanely? (Say, from someone brain-dead who had marked him or herself down as an organ donor - same difference, right?)

Of course, without a second thought. Let's dig in.

46: At what age did you stop believing in Santa? Alternately, if you never believed in Santa, did you ever ruin Santa for anyone else?

I don't remember. Grade 6 was complete ending point for me. I don't know what the thought process was before, it's not like I was that convinced.

47: Do you get along better with old people or little kids?

Oldies are my homies

48: If you had to choose, would you rather become a nun/monk or a drug dealer?

Drug dealer

49: What's your best bodily feature, objectively speaking?

My booty.

50: Who is your favorite late night talk show host?

Jimmy Fallon! 

Just another sleep analogy

Waiting for sleep is like waiting for a late bus; you're there on time, standing with your money in hand, after a few moments you lazily shove your change deep into your pocket, after a few more minutes you decide to sit down. Just as you get comfy you see a bus coming your way so you jolt up in time to realize it's not even your bus. Now you're back at stage two. Do you bother to sit back down? Of course you do because you really don't have many other options. Sleep is a complicated waste of time, but you would literally be no where without it.

Know your age

Everyone has those moments where they freak out over something. Whether it's the future, their relationship status, their job, or their family. It could be anything no matter how big or small. I do all of this daily. I'm sitting here feeling like a heap of steaming shit (visual needed) because I am a fucking failure and horrible person. But at the end of the day I am still a 17 year old girl trying to figure out her place.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone younger than me complains about something in their life, especially about their future or their love life. Everyone needs to be able to step back and realize everything will change in a few years. Realistically, life doesn't start until you're in you're totally self reliant and facing the real world. And that's scary.

I am no where near that, and I am scared to death. I sit here and think that it will never come. That I will forever be the worst, and blogging about it. I will forever be unhappy and alone. But I keep reminding myself that this year of my life really means little. I need to keep that hope that things will get better.

I've never felt so fucking alone. Even when I'm with people, I feel alone. I just want things to be different, but they can't be right now. I want things to be in my favour, but they might never be. I want to not come home and crumble to the floor and have to pick myself back up everyday because I don't know how long I can do this for.

I want to be able to say, "It did get better," instead of, "It will get better," because I'm tired.

But once again, at the end of the day, even when I crumble, I am still 17 with years ahead of better experiences, more people, and happiness. As long as I keep reminding myself of that, I might just be okay.

Let's write

So I started writing this book I guess. I don't know where it will go, but I keep coming back to it and I think I have a pretty solid idea. I find that when I write, if I know the whole plan completely, than I don't feel the need to write it and it's a horrible quality to have. For this one I legit just opened a word document and see where it went, and it's going.

I also realized that I'm such a slow writer! Like, I am legit the worst. It takes me like an hour to get like half a page, and it's not from writers block, I just get distracted and it's awful. Last night I wanted to seclude myself and just write, but that failed.

Do you have a room in your house that you're completely unfamiliar with? It's a room rarely used and you don't know really what's in it. That's our spare bedroom for me. It was 2am and I sneaked around and got my mom's laptop, went into the room, and everything went downhill. Where are the plugs? Well, after searching for what felt like forever I finally located them... all behind large pieces of furniture and unreachable. Oh, how I was angry. I guess I need to find an extension cord or something. I'll have to do that sometime soon because I actually want to get a lot of writing done!

The story is kind of personal in a way, which makes it easy to write, but it's also nerve racking. But, like I said before, I'll see how it goes. It's funny though! Of course. Always. I also feel like it might make a better movie than book, so who knows, maybe I'll just write a screenplay again.

Off to do more writing! I have three pages done... Shh... At least they are full pages!