Goodbye

See you all next year. 

LOL DO YOU GET IT!? CAUSE IT'S LIKE NEW YEARS. SO LIKE IT'S JUST TOMORROW. SO I'M LIKE TOTALLY JUST TROLLING!!!1!!one!!1!!!

Whiteboard trees

I spent an hour of my life doing this today. I think it's really cool. I would like to tell you the story behind it and how it changed from my original idea. I spent an hour on this, but like another hour beforehand on a completely different picture that I erased.

My original idea was city on top with a forest refection upside down. So I drew the line across and started with the buildings. I used a ruler. Have you ever used a ruler on a whiteboard? Not easy. But I did it. There was a line of different sized buildings across the top in black. Then I was going to make blue windows. I thought it would be cool to not use a ruler and have messy square windows. So I did that. They turned out okay. It was looking good. To add another level, I drew a satellite over the buildings in blue and was going to draw stars over the trees.

It was a real smart play on society, because that's the kind of deep stuff that comes out of my whiteboard drawings.

Then I drew the first tree. The black, upside down one. I loved it. It was on a whole other level then the buildings. It just looked so cool compared. So I said screw the buildings. I said that trees are cooler. And I killed my buildings off with a wet paper towel. They were gone. No going back now. I then drew the opposite blue tree. Loved it. Then I drew the others. And I added the 2012 because it needed something else. I might change that. Upside down twos are harder to draw then I thought.

To me, I guess it represents the unknown. It shows how there is always two sides of everything. It would make a really good album cover.

So there you have it. My work of art whiteboard that should be in a museum because of how smart it is and just its beauty in general. I might make a better copy on paper sometime. I have more ideas revolving around the same thought.

I would also like to mention that it was inspired by the EP I have been listening to all day, including while I was drawing this. It's Of Monsters And Men's new EP called Into the Woods. You should go buy it because it's wonderful.

Questions! 2.0

Name?

I have one, yes.

If you could change your eye color what would it be?
I really distracting colour, like a really light green or blue. Or purple.

What is the wallpaper on your phone?
I picture I made that says 'Blurgh!'

How many pillows on your bed?
Six. I regret nothing.

Are you sick?
No, I'm Stephanie.

Is there someone you can't stop thinking about?
Yes. (Tina Fey)

What was the worst thing that happened to you this year?
I realized I had to grow up.

Do any of your friends annoy you?
All of them. They are all stupid bitches.

Do you have a crush on somebody?
Of course.

Who was the last person that made you laugh?
As in real life person? Because I was laughing at 30 Rock a bunch, but I did see Bella last, and she would not take the damn Skittles. That was pretty funny too.

Who do you make fun of the most?
Everyone. I like to give to all.

What's the longest you've ever talked on the phone?
Probably like 3 hours.

Have you seen your best friend cry?
My friends are too cold hearted to cry.

Are your parents in love?
I'm guessing that's why they put up with each other.

Would you rather sleep at a friend's or have them over?
Sleep at a friends. Well, go to my friends and stay up while they sleep. And watch them. Watch them all.

Who is in your house right now?
The call is coming from inside the house!

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
I'm never wrong, so no.

What colour is your laundry hamper?
White. I would like to applaud this fucking brilliant question.

Does your mom make you wear a winter coat?
I wear one myself because, as a young adult, I understand that it's cold out. My mom does not need to tell me that.

Do you own any Hollister polos?
Do I look like a gay golfer?

Whats your favorite number?
Six. (ty-nine)

Do you get along with your parents?
Sometimes.

Have you ever been in love, if so, how many time?
I am always in love. With television. Who needs people?

Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you just wanted to give up?
I've never really sat down and thought my life was bad, but sure, I've been there.

Name a lyric from the last song you heard?
Cynthia is a real cool dancer. The sad part is, I'm not even joking.

What did you wear today?
Strapless gown with Spanxs underneath.

What are you doing after this?
I am going to do some writing.

Do you like hugs?
I love them, but I never get them.

Are you a loud person?
In bed? Yes.

What did you do before you went to sleep last night?
Played with Le Kitten.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
I usually do.

Has a girl sat on your bed before?
If I say yes, does that make me a dirty whore?

Who’s the funniest person you know?
I actually am.

What is your worst subject in school?
Boy studies.

Have you ever been around someone who was high?
As in tall? Yeah, I know a lot of tall people.

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
Lemon and Li'l Sebastian.

Are you usually the first to say sorry when you’re in a fight?
I make them apologize to me for getting their blood on my lady blazer.

If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
Yes. I would move to Australia and start my new life as a free lance writer.

How was your day?
Lazy, but enjoyable.

Could you go a day without eating?
Yeah, if it was a conscious effort.

What is something you have in common with your bestfriend?
We all enjoy my company.

Vegetarian?
No thank you, I just ate.

Hair color?
No thank you, I just ate a vegetarian.

Last person in your bedroom?
My hooker.

What are your plans for tomorrow?
I am going to take a shower. Those are my solid plans.

What brings out the worst in you?
Lack of TV.

Would you rather things be predictable or unpredictable?
Sometimes a girl likes a little surprise.

Screenplay

If I ever finish this screenplay, what are the chances it would actually get made into a movie? What are the chances that someone important would read it and be like, "Yes." What are the chances that this character that I based off myself would actually get played by me? Are there statistics on this sort of thing?

I'm not stupid. I may be a big dreamer, but I'm not dumb. I just love it so much. I want to do this forever. I'm not writing it because I think it will be made into a movie and I will be able to star in it. I just want to see if I can do it.

I am doing it legit. With legit formatting, as well as I can. It's not like I took a class on this. All I am going off of is some Commotion teachings about rough work, a Mean Girls script, and Googling anything I don't understand. And I am using Open Office. So, there's also that factor.

I have this idea. I have all the rough work sorted out. I know where I want the story to go. I know where I want it to end. I am enjoying the process.

All I have done today is write and watch 30 Rock. Good day.

Hey Jude

I was in one of those, "Let's film what I'm playing!" moods. I've been playing this song for a while and I just love it. This is the toal shortened version of it. I wish I went off at the end for like ever going, "JUDE-Y JUDE-Y JUUDEEE!!" But I digress.

As a distant relative to Mr. John Lennon, I hope I did alright. It's rough, but I enjoy it. I hope you get some enjoyment out of it too. I should have but put my Christmas lights up in the background! Oh well.

Hey Jude - The Beatles

So, if your name is Jude, call me up sometime and I will sing this to you. It will be magical, I swear.

This is what I did today:

• Cleaned my desk
• Listened to Justin Bieber's Christmas album 6 full times iTunes tells me... (I regret nothing)
• Entertained my aunt for too long
• Brushed my dog
• Dusted for my mom
• Entertained Li'l Nin
• Had wonderful, unproductive, fun times with my pals
• Wrapped gifts
• Made this cover

It's been a long day. Christmas Eve is tomorrow though! Wow. It came out of no where.

Oliver

Remember those auditions I told you about? Well, I got the part. I am shocked because the auditions went awful. It was not new Stephanie up there auditioning, it was old Stephanie who is bad at everything. I don't even know what happened. I guess it's just weird being out of the Commotion environment. And I never auditioned for anything before either. Anyways, you are now looking at (I hope you aren't actually looking at me) Old Sally! It's not a big part, but I didn't join it to act anyways.

I'm in a real play now. This is weird. If future Stephanie came up to me in August and said, "Hey, loser, guess what? In the near future you're going to be auditioning for a play! Can you believe it? Looking at you now I can't. Why are you getting up... Woah easy there! I am you from the future! Stop beating me! You're killing me! YOUR FUTURE IS OVER!" So, what you got out of this is two things. One: I would be shocked to have heard those words, and two: I would have killed future Stephanie because I would have thought I had gone mad.

I now know that I never want to audition for anything again. Being cast as a role is fine, but auditioning for one? Not so much. I think it also has to do with the fact that I am not good at picking roles for myself. I will stick with my initial plan: Write things and cast myself as the lead. It's foolproof.

Hey guess what! It's not my Christmas holidays! Two weeks of doing nothing and hating myself! I can't wait! It's so close to Christmas it's scary. I have big plans for tomorrow. I am going to clean my room because it's gotten awful. Tonight I will just watch TV and movies and eat because hell, I'm free.

Auditions

My audition is tomorrow for the musical Oliver being held at my school and I am freaking out because I am having a hard time learning my lines. I am trying out for two people, and the one I am fine with, but the other not so much. I have to memorize two scenes, one for each character.

I have never auditioned for anything before so I don't really know what to expect. Oh well, we will just see how this goes. I never thought in the history of my high school career that I would ever be auditioning for anything, let alone a play.

Oh Stephanie. Look what has become of you. How does one do a complete 180 but still stay relatively the same? I am the same because I started a new TV show and it's wonderful but also super scary. It's called American Horror Story. I'm only seven episodes in but I am kind of in love. The name is true to the show though. It is literally a horror show.

Maybe typing my lines out from memory will help:

Hello, Noah, I brought you a little bit of bacon left over from master's breakfast. Oliver! Shut the door!

And take them bits and your tea and go over there and eat them! Make haste because they'll want you to mend the shop. Do you hear?

Lor Noah. What a tease you are! Let the boy alone.

Ha ha ha, you are a one!

What's up?

What a horrid wretch! You ungrateful murderous, villain!

Dear, dear, she's going off again!

I don't know mother, maybe we should send for the Bow Street Runners.

Oliver - he's run off!

Fuck. Those weren't even right. There aren't even that many! I don't know what's going on. The gist of them are right, just not the proper wording. Blurgh. The old lady has more lines and I like her better.

I am going to go cry myself into a 30 Rock coma.

The Mandarin experience

I had a really wonderful day. I spent 12-10pm with my friends from Commotion. Yes, I have other friends now, so suck it bitchezz! (That was a joke, I still love you guys the most). It's weird having friends at school though. Like I am friends will boys and girls in different grades that all go to my school. I can joke with them, laugh with them, and just be myself around them.

At noon we all met up at the Mandarin. There were ten of us there. We were that obnoxious group of teenagers that everyone hated and I kind of loved that. We ate too much and stayed too long. We gave weird amounts of change and the little Asian woman wanted to murder us. We just had fun.

We left around three and went to Macintosh's house. We needed somewhere to go until six where we were all going to Allie's house. That was already planned because she had to work and couldn't go to the Mandarin. Confused yet? Anyways, at Mac's house we pretty much just played dance video games on his Xbox and Wii singing games. Glee's 'Don't Stop Believing' was a huge hit. So much obnoxious singing, but also some nice songs. Jess and I have an ongoing joke that hers and my characters from the play are secretly lesbian lovers, (too be told in the sequel), so we also pretend to flirt and stuff. Needless to say, we did a duet together.

Then off to Allie's house. At this point there were only seven of us, but we still had a wonderful time. Allie has a pool table, and let me just tell you, I am amazing at pool. I won every game except one, but that's only because my partner was bad. I don't like playing partners. Everyone was like, "Guurrrll, you've got some mad skillz!" and I was like, "You know it homie!" because that is how we talk apparently.

It has been a fun day. Long, but fun. Filled with inappropriate jokes, singing, and pool. Yep.

Jimmy Fallon is on SNL tonight and I am beyond excited. Tina better be on it. They better do amazing sketches. Ahhh, I am so excited! Do not disappoint me Jimmy.

It won't matter

I'm sitting in my room freaking out over this data management test tomorrow because I don't really know what's going on. I can blame my hardcore commitment to Commotion for that one because I haven't really been doing my homework... I regret nothing.

Anyways, here I am freaking out. I cried a little. I lashed out at my mom. I ate ice cream. I talked to my parents about how I am going to fail. They tried to help but failed. What I am getting at is that it doesn't really matter. School and education is such a weird experience. I can't remember learning how to read or write, but I did and I can. I don't remember learning how to add and subtract, bit I did and I kind of can. It's the repetition and growth. It's not one test.

Of course it matters now. My mark will go down. My average will go down. But will doing bad on this one test affect my future? Will it hurt me so bad that I won't be able to do the things I want to do? Of course not. I am going to come out of this test tomorrow disappointed. I know that. I will study and study, but I am not going to do as well as I want. I accept that now.

This is why I am saving my Wonderbar for tomorrow.

Let's talk about my weird chocolate habits because it's legitimately messed. If I get a chocolate bar then I must save it for a 'special occasion'. This goes for chocolate I get for Christmas and other holidays. I usually wait to eat it when a show I enjoy is on or a movie. And I usually am too distracted to watch it fully. I will never learn.

Anyways, wish me luck on this test. I need it. Though, like I said, in the long run it doesn't really matter. But I guess people do say to live in the present. Okay. Everything matters. Fuck. Let me go study forever now.

Seasons greetings from someone hilarious

Because nothing screams the holidays like pretending to roast a marshmallow on your television screen!

I have a thing for thinking of hilarious picture ideas. I just rarely actually do them. I got this idea last year and finally took it.

Happy that it happened

So, I just got home and I really felt the urge to blog while everything is fresh in my mind. Such an amazing day. Both our performances went really well, for me anyways. The crowds were packed. My parents were there! It was weird having them there because I've never done anything like this before. The littlest Nin wouldn't stop complementing me. It was so strange and new and wonderful.

At the end of our last performance it really just hit me that this happened. I came so far in these short 12 weeks. My schools drama teacher came up to me and told me how far I had come. She also said, "Now we just have to get you to join Oliver!" and this time I agreed. Guess what guys. I'm going to be in a musical.

One of the leaders, Colin, pulled me aside and also shared his praise. For my acting, but mostly for my writing which I was very excited to hear. He told me that I should pursue this and that I have talent for it. He also mentioned his famous dad. I don't even know. It was very nice though.

Then the part with the goodbyes. I am so horrible with goodbyes. Of course I started crying. We gave our group leaders Tim Horton's gift cars and cards with all of our names signed because we are super nice like that. I drew a cat face next to my name. I gave them hugs because I am cute like that. One of asked me if I was going to Second City and I said, yes, I was thinking about it. He told me I should. That followed more complements on how amazing I am.

This post is not me bragging about how amazing I am, even thought it may be true, it's about how I would not have known any of this talent if it wasn't for this amazing group. I am so grateful that it came to my school and that it came this year because it if would have come any other year I probably would not have joined. They say that senior year is the best year, and that would not be true if it wasn't for Commotion.

It made me realize that this is what I want to do. I want to write and do improv and act because I love doing it and apparently have some talent towards it. My mom was like, "Do you want to be an actress?" and I said, "I don't know," and she said, "We will see your name in lights." I don't know why, but that just made me smile hearing it from my mom.

I came home and cried, but not for the reasons I thought I would. I was just so happy, but also very sad. I am happy that it happened, but sad that it had to end.

P.S. I just got invited to a real teen drinking party with some of the kids from Commotion, but I didn't go. I just wanted to state, for the record, that I got invited.

Commotion

So I joined this group 12 weeks ago. I thought that I might as well do it because it seemed that it appealed to me. Of course I was worried. Of course I had doubts. I never would have expected it would have turned out like this.

I used to be that quiet girl who didn't talk, watched too much TV, and spent her time writing on this blog. These 12 weeks have helped me grow as a person. I am preforming for audiences and showcasing my talents and getting to know strangers and letting them know me. I have found new passions and explored interests and best of all, found out that I am actually good at them.

I was talking to one of the leader people and he was telling me that he really thought I was doing a good job. He was saying that I was listening to my scene partners and making eye contact and just really engaging in the performance. He asked if I was friends with anyone in my group beforehand. I said not really, just a couple were acquaintances. He said, well, you must have been in a drama class with some of them or something. I told him that I've never taken a drama class in high school. Whenever people hear that they are shocked, which I take as a great complement.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say. I guess that I am extremely grateful that I continued through with this program. I am glad I got to experience this side of myself because even though I have huge dreams, I never thought I actually held talent in the acting department. I am proud of myself that I took all the nerves and stress and turned it into an actual play. I am glad that I made friends, some of which I think will stay. And, lastly, I am devastated that it ends tomorrow.

We have two more shows tomorrow. One at 3pm and one at 7pm. And then what? I will go home and watch SNL and life will resume into the mess it was. My Wednesday's and Thursday's will not be special anymore. My weekends will be blurs.

I need to do something else, but I don't know what and that scares me.

Real life conversations 2

My mother and I were in Shoppers Drug Mart today doing some casual shopping.

A wild stand of Playboy Body Mist appears..

Mom: (Jokingly) Do you want some of this?
Me: Yes I do!

So I pick the sample one up to jokingly take. We are all about jokes. The lid was faulty and a significant amount spilled on my hand.

Me: Oh no! Now I smell like a whore!
Mom: What!? (Laughing sounds) What do you smell like?
Me: A whore.

Then we laughed the night away, even though it was only 4pm.

Busy

I've never been this busy before. It's insane. Getting home past 7pm and having to do homework and watch my shows. How do people do it? I do really enjoy it though.

I'm only able to blog now because I'm skipping school... LOL I'M SO REBELLIOUS.

Happy December 1st though! My December tradition starts today; going on Neopets and getting the advent calendar everyday! I live such an exciting life it's insane.

Annoying

I feel like I am always annoying people. I'm awful.

Television influences my life

I find myself doing/buying/keeping things only because they remind me of a character on a TV show, or they were on a TV show. Mostly Liz Lemon. I can't tell if it's making me lose myself or just finding out more about myself because it's not like I, on a personal level, don't like the things, I love them. I just starting liking them because of TV.

For example: A couple days ago my mother bought me this sweater and surprised me when I got home. It's just a plain greyish zip-up hoodie. At first I was iffy about it, but I put it on and realized that it reminded me of something Liz Lemon would wear, so I kept it and will wear it. Is that weird? Probably.

I also bought a huge bag of cheese balls. Like Cheezies but spherical. They caught me attention for two reasons. 1. On The Office they always have them and throw them up and catch them in their mouths. 2. They are kind of sketchy brand wise so they reminded me of these cheese puffs Liz Lemon always eats. They were giving her a false positive on her pregnancy test due to a bull semen ingredient. So yes, I wanted them for the bull semen.

Speaking of cheese balls, I have eaten way too many of them. Like, it is a huge bag and there is less then 1/4 left and I just got them on Saturday night. I've pretty much been the only one eating them. I am really good at catch them in my pie hole though. My record is like ten in a row. I regret nothing.

 I pretty much just stared writing this so I wouldn't have to go to bed. Last night I had really bad insomnia. On a Saturday night. Like, why? Tonight is going to be worse so I am putting off getting into bed. Smart: No. Logical: Nope. Any benefits?: Not at all. Blurgh.

I love writing

I do. I love it. And I want to do it forever.

I want to create characters and jokes and story lines and plot twists. Why? Because I'm good at it. I can actually say, "Yeah, I'm pretty good at this stuff," and I love it. I love to do it.

So, guess what? I am going to be Tina Fey one day. And I will mention you in my speech as I'm winning the Emmy for Best Female Writer. Maybe by then I will have an actual fan base that I will call, "The Causal Hello's". If you are reading this then you are an honourary Casual Hello, so welcome.

I'm thinking about writing a screen play. Just for fun. I have the idea all planed out. I've had it planed out for a while. Guess who it stars? Tina Fey and I as mother and daughter. Yes. Well, those who would be ideally in the movie if it was made into a major motion picture. Hehehe

Quick writes 2.0

Today my teacher asked a question somewhere along the lines of, "Do you want to get married sometime in the future? Would you live with them first? What qualities would your 'ideal mate' have?"

My response:

"I guess I want to get married. I would live with them first because I guess you don't really know someone until you live with them. My 'ideal mate' needs to be nice, with a good sense on humour, but an understanding that I am, and always will be, a little bit funnier. He needs to love TV, and love to talk about it, but needs to know to be quiet while the show is happening. A good cook would also be ideal."

I regret nothing. Now, if you are a young man that has stumbled across this blog and you fit these characteristic, please comment on this post so we can get married.

So, I didn't win the contest...

I was going to blog about how pissed I am, but something totally strange just happened, so I thought I would blog about this instead.

So, I finally get home, and I go into the bathroom to be pissed in solitude. I hear the phone ring. I hear my dad talking to someone. He mentions something about Indiana. Then he comes and knocks on the door. I'm like, "What?" heatedly and then he walks away and continues to chat. Then a little while later, he knocks again and I hear my mom yell like, it's someone from a contest.

So I'm like super confused. So I come out and get the phone and it's some random dude from some random guitar guy from some random place I've never heard of. He's like, "Did you enter this blah guitar contest?" Me, "Uh, I guess? Yeah..." and then he was asking me about my guitar and if I do any recording and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And he's like, "Well, I will shoot you and e-mail and you can ask me any questions and stuff."

The e-mail is very personal and as confusing. I don't know if this is like a runner-up prize or something. He seems like he is a legit musician and stuff, it was just super random and really bad timing.

I'm pretty sure the contest was to win a nice guitar that I entered a really long time ago. I don't know if I am going to answer him. I should and be like, "I am more into ukulele at the moment." Or maybe he will become my online boyfriend from Indiana.

Today has been a weird day.

Best line from the e-mail:  It may seem extraordinary that I'm writing with all this info, but I want you to know that when you call me, you're getting a real music industry professional and not an order taker.

Hopes up

Isn't it the absolute worst feeling in the world when you get your hopes up for something and your mind is set upon it and you're super excited, but then something changes and everything comes crashing down in front of you? The answer is yes. Yes, it is the worst thing in the world.

This is why I never get my hopes up for anything. This is why I do not allow myself to become excited. This is why I am a pessimist. It's like not taking any risks so you don't get hurt. I can't handle that feeling. That feeling that what you've pictured and went over perfectly in your mind has turned into an ugly memory that never even happened. You just wanted it to so bad it felt real. The memory isn't real, but the pain is.

This is why I am so reluctant to think about the future. I hate thinking about it because then I start to get hopeful. I start to form this map in my mind about how things are going to go and expect everything to just fall into place. There are always cracks in the road though, and those cracks turn into detours, and those detours turn into dead ends. Then where are you? Trapped.

And I know you can't live like that, but somehow I manage. I always pinpoint the absolute worst things that could happen. I never think, "Everything is going to be fine and everything will happen the way it's supposed to and everything will be wonderful," because it doesn't and I'm left even more sad.

This is one of my favourite things about writing. These characters rely on me for their fate. They have no say whether they fall in love or fall in front of a bus. That's all me. Their pieces fall into place eventually. Their lives live on through text and imagination, while the writer is stuck in the real world where they can't just make up some deliberate plot twist to make everything go the right way.

I have to constantly remind myself that I do not live in a novel or a show. I am not someones character. No one is writing my future. No one is staying up late turning the pages of my life and wondering how it will turn out. It's not as fun writing your own story because if you have an idea of how it will end, your life will just be full of disappointment. I'm not ready for this.

Things I'm looking forward to

Here is a list of things that I am excited for. I want them to come faster, but they won't.

• Christmas
• New Years
• 30 Rock starting up again
• Next semester
• Graduating high school
• Never having to go back to high school again

These things of course have downfalls too, like exams and applying for university and not getting into university. That worries me everyday. What if I don't get in? What will I do? 

Move to Toronto and become a homeless person is probably my best bet. But realistically I would probably go back to awful high school and try to bring my grades up or something. I don't even want to think about that.

More news: I am giving blood on the 23rd! Which I just remembered I forgot to hand in my form... I shall do that tomorrow! My blood will save lives! I will be a life saver! Suck it Oprah, who's saving lives now!? Oh, you are? Cool.

It's my birthday

Today I turned 17. It's been a good day. I gave my friend who has the same birthday a birthday napkin, as tradition. I was serenaded twice, not once, but twice, in my play meeting. I got a bunch of FaceBook wall writes from people I never talk to. I had chicken fingers and smile fries. I got a nice little cake. I made a wish on some candles. I lost on a scratch card.

So now I must write myself a letter because that's what I'm best at.

Dear 17 year old Stephanie,

        You're not 16 anymore. Maybe you should get some of your shit together. Start caring. About anything. About yourself, about others, about life. Become busy. I know that all you want to do is watch TV, but you're going to get off that sexy ass of yours because there is a real world out there. The real world is scary and may not follow the normal patterns a show does, but it's real. Read more. I don't care how busy you are or when your shows are on; you need to get into the habit of reading more, and spending less time here. Follow your dreams. By this time next year you will hopefully be in university stressing over some assignment. Things are going to get hard, but remember that you're doing it because you love it. Go out of your comfort zone. How will you do this, I don't know. Just don't be afraid to try new things. You're supposed to be a little bit stupid. Get over yourself. Spend less time on yourself because you're kind of the worst. Let more people get to know you. Get to know more people. Sleep more. I know, sleep is death. Sleep is impossible. Sleep is totally necessary. Talk to people. People are the worst. I get that, but you need to be a little more likable. Don't forget.
        I can't tell the future, but I remember your past. 16 year old Stephanie went down the wrong path and got lost. Turn around and try and find a new one. It may take a lot of time and effort but it will be worth it. You're cooler then anyone thinks. Make them see that.

17 is the age I will graduate high school. It's the age I will go to university. It is the age I will move away from home. It is the age I will learn a lot about myself. Let's get this done.

Happy Endings

No, this is not a post talking about how things are happy in my life, of course not, look where you are! This is a blog just adding to my crazy television addiction. Which probably makes a lot more sense to the avid reader.

I started watching this show called Happy Endings (Wednesday's on ABC), and I adore it. It's hilarious. It's kind of like a modern Friends, but of course I won't compare it to it, but there are some similarities. Three guys, three girls. Dave, Brad, and Max. Alex, Jane, and Penny.

Dave was going to marry Alex, but she ran out with some dude on rollerblades. Alex is Jane's younger sister. Jane is a crazy control freak and is also married to Brad. Brad is a successful black man. Max is a gay dude who goes against all stereotypes. Penny is, well, forever alone. They are all best friends living in Chicago.

Life.

I really enjoy the show. It makes me think about how life will be like once I graduate university and actually move on with my life. Fun times will be had.

The other side of Pokémon

So, we all know fun loving Pokémon. The children go out and get their first Pokémon when they are 10, and then they can journey off to catch more, or stay home, and what? What kind of education is there is this Pokémon filled world? You're leaving your house when you're 10 to fight and travel and find strangers to tag along. When you're only 10 you start this nomadic life.

Okay, so let's say I'm 10. I am going to go out and get a nice little Pokémon. I'm not going to go become a trainer. I'm not going to 'collect them all'. I'm not even truly interested in Pokémon, because Pokémon are like animals in our society. Sure, there are a lot of jobs you can do involving animals, but majority of people don't choose to do them.

Do you even need to go get a starter Pokémon? It would be way more responsibly then looking after a dog; it shoots fucking elements out of itself! I wonder how many children die from third degree burns in this Pokémon realm.

Every season of Pokémon there are more and more different types of Pokémon appearing. Where the hell are they coming from? Are they being genetically made in labs or are they being discovered somehow? How many people use Pokémon for evil? Sure, they have bad guys on the show, but all they do is try and steal pikachu. I'm sure there are some people that would use them to kill and steal.

So they mix these dangerous animals with children. Seems legit. These children who can just leave their homes at 10. What do their parents think? I'm sure their are mixed views. There will be the parents who, themselves, went out when they were 10, then there are the ones who continued school and became something that didn't have to do with Pokémon.

I guess these kids kind of have to decide what they are doing for the rest of their lives at the mere age of 10. That is impossible. If I have to decide my life at the age of 10, I would be... a fucking witch doctor, I have no idea. Hell, I don't know what I'm doing with my life now.

I know I am looking way too far into this, but does anyone ever discuss this? The show only follows Ash, who, as we know, wants to be a Pokémon master, so what about everyone else?

A world full of Pokémon would be awesome, but very dangerous and backwards. It's so much different then what you would expect a normal childhood to be, but that's probably the westerner in me speaking because in some cultures childhood as I know it doesn't exist it at all. Maybe they would find it completely normal to go off when you're 10.

Nevertheless, I still love Pokémon, even though it makes me question everything.  

I don't even know

How do you write a blog? What are you allowed to include? Where do I direct everything? Why can't I share somethings? Who is going to be reading them? When can I stop this?

This.

Not this blog.

But this is general.

I hate this.

This.

Bedtime thoughts

Everyday when I literally climb into bed, the same thoughts cross my mind. Some obvious, some regrets, some longing. There are always a lot and there are always repeats. Let's take a look at a few of them:

"Shit, I forgot..."

"I really should have..."

"Did I finish...?"

"I really need to vacuum my floor."

"I should have blogged today."

"I should have done more today."

"Another wasted day."

"30 Rock quote."

"I am going to forget that in the morning."

"Mental note: remember..."

"I bet I will still forget."

"What am I going to wear tomorrow?"

"I hate sleeping so much."

"Sleeping is the worst."

"Everything is the worst."

"I hope I have a cool dream tonight."

"Stupid bitch! Why aren't you sleeping!?"

"I hope..."

"I wish..."

"I wonder..."

"This retainer is disgusting."

Television

As you may know, I'm a television addict. TV is the constant thing in my life that I know will make me happy—unless they screw the program up, then it just makes me angry. I know that's kind of sad, but I don't even care. I thought I would share my TV schedule with you so you can see where my life goes.

Tonight I added two shows to the list, and in January I will add one more (30 Rock!!1!!!1!!one!1!!).


Sunday: 

• 8pm- The Amazing Race
• 10pm- Pan Am

Monday:

• Usually Movie Monday
• a.k.a- Y U NO HAVE GOOD SHOWS ON MONDAY

Tuesday:

• 8pm- Glee
• 9pm- New Girl
• 9:30pm- Raising Hope

Wednesday:

• 8pm- Up All Night

Thursday:

• 8pm- Community
• 8:30pm- Parks and Recreation
• 9pm- The Office
• 10pm- The Vampire Diaries

Friday:

• 8pm- Chuck
• 9pm- CSI:NY
• 10pm- Grimm
• 12:37am- Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Saturday:

• 11:29pm- Saturday Night Live

Total:

• 15 shows
• 12.5 hours

This does not include movies and computer TV. I usually watch one episode of SNL daily and on weeknights I watch 30 Rock at 11pm, Friends randomly, and The Office randomly.

A love letter to Adam Young

Dear Adam,

        I have this reoccurring fantasy about you. Well, maybe you would call it a scenario because it does depend on many factors. I know it's far fetched, but love is weird and unpredictable, so maybe you have to dream too big to end up happy. When I tell you my plan, I am not going to say, "if this happens," I am going to say, "when this happens," because I so badly want it to come true. If I have learned one thing from you, I have learned to always be optimistic because, well, dreams don't turn to dust.
        My plan sets off when I am blessed with a large sum of money. I am not trying to buy your love, but I do need to purchase some necessary supplies. See, I need to go buy a hot air balloon. I understand I could probably rent one for an afternoon, but hey, I thought I would splurge. The balloon design is simple; plain maroon. Now that I have the balloon, I need to know how to fly it. Everything is less romantic with a random third party, even if that third party is flying the balloon. As two extremely introverted people, I think it would be better to be alone, which means I need to learn how to fly this bad-boy.
        I don't know how long or how much hot air balloon flying lessons are. I am guessing it takes a while. Maybe I should have bought the balloon after I learned how to fly it. Nonetheless, how many months later, I am in the air. Alone. I pack light. The gondola is feeling too empty right now. I keep well, and I keep optimistic that my plan is going to be a success.
        As a Canadian Girl, the trip from the tip of Ontario to Minnesota is quite the journey. Travelling over the great lakes is a miraculous view. The birds welcome me along with their best of luck songs. The balloon is smooth sailing. It's as if I was stationary and the sky was sailing around me.
        Before I know it, I am nearing my destination. I am nervous, of course. I start to have doubts. This is crazy. This is never going to work. What was I thinking. But I think back to your blog posts. Your far fetched fantasies of meeting the girl of your dreams. I have to keep positive. I have to believe that I might get to unlock the secret that is Adam Young with my own key. I start to descend.
        I know all of Owatonna can see the balloon landing. I pray you are looking too. The field begins to fill with people wondering who this mad woman is flying this balloon. I search the crowd for your face, but with no luck. You're not here. After telling everyone I did mean to land here and that my balloon did not need to be repaired, the crowd thins. It starts to get dark, yet there was still no sign of you. I settled in for the night, but I miss the air. Insomnia claws at me everywhere I turn. I can't just give up now. I have to find you.
        Then I hear the best thing imaginable. A simple, "Hello," coming from the dark. I stand up to peer over the gondola with my flash light. You squint at the sudden brightness in a way that makes my heart melt. "You finally made it," I say with a smile. I like how you smile back, as if knowing I came for you.
        You say you don't need any bags and that we can take off right now. Hand in hand we are Airborn. And this is how it will stay.

                                                                                           -Stephanie

Kind of a big deal

So, I preformed my play today. It went very well! I was shocked. In myself mostly. I remembered all my lines, I made few errors, and I was not even nervous.

Before hand I was freaking out, but once I was on stage in front of the audience, it was nothing. It think it has a lot to do with not being alone. You feed off the others around you because you feel a level of comfort with them, I really like that.

Random side note: I am watching an episode of SNL, season 28, episode 4 (which is like 2002), and the host is Eric McCormack. You're probably like who the hell is that, as I was. But I am realizing that the host does not make the show. This is one of the best episodes I've seen.

I just watched a sketch and Tina was in it! Which is a rare occurrence. She played a news anchor who suddenly falls in love with the stand in news anchor. It is hilarious because everyone is talking about their love and not focusing on the real issues in the news. Also, Amy Poehler plays an uptight reporter named Stephanie and Tina says my name a bunch of times, which is always awesome.

So, anyways, the performance went very well. I am proud of myself. I am looking forward to doing it again.

Shit, I really need to figure out what I am doing in the future...

Dinosaurs

Stop for a second. Just clear your mind. Stop worrying about this, or over thinking about that. Just stop.

Now that your mind is empty. Think about this: 65 million years ago.

Think about how different our world was. The continents have shifted. The climates have shifted. The wildlife have shifted. There were no humans. There were no superior beings. No buildings, roads, art, language, documents. The world was just kind of as is. Humans didn't start to destroy it for millions of years later.

Think about how long you've been on the Earth. Think about how long your parents have been. For me, I've been here for a mere 16 years, while my parents have been here for 47. Think about how much has changed just in those years when your parents were growing up, to when you were growing up. The changes are drastic. Humans have made that happen.

In today's world, we live for a purpose. We become educated, we work, we form families, we have a place in society. So what was the purpose for dinosaurs? It was just solely survival. Of course they cared for their offspring, but they are animals in the bigger picture. Just animals roaming around, looking for food, mating, surviving. When one of them died, they died. They were probably eaten, but they died where they died. For us to find.

It's completely impossible for me to wrap my brain around the fact that this world in which humans dominate and change and destroy was once home to just animals doing whatever they want. It's the same world. Our world. Our Earth. All we have now is bones of a past life to tell us stories about how these mysterious animals lived.

The world goes on after you are dead. You can't know that. You can't see that. But it happens. My bones could end up in a museum one day with this blog post next to it with other humans looking at it, making fun of the technology, comparing to it their own and thinking, "People lived so differently back then," and they will try to understand how we made it. But they never will because if you didn't live through something, you can never truly understand it.

We will never know everything there is to know about dinosaurs, and that's what makes them so fascinating.

Past Stephanie pointing at
a creature from the past

Hey There Delilah

Last week I made a deal with my cousin that if she did well on this school performance, which involved singing this song, and she wasn't nervous, I would make a cover for her. And so I did. And I sent it to her. And I have not gotten a reply. I don't know what happened. And I'm a little scared. (My cousin is 11 for visual sake.)

But I thought that I would post it here so at least you guys could give it some love. No? Okay.

Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's

I know it's a total overplayed song and cover, but a promise is a promise. I did notice that I look very sad in the video. I regret nothing.

Oh shit guys...

Tonight is one of those sleepless nights, I can already feel it and it's not even midnight. Though, by the time I finish this blog it probably will be. I am going to talk about a couple things, this is sort of a filler blog about what is going on in my pathetic life.

I am writing this on my iPod and blasting Owl City in my head. I say head and not ears because my usual headphones broke, the ones that come with said iPod, so I had to frantically search for a spare pair. I bought these beauties at Shoppers, on sale, for like four dollars quite a while ago. They are the kind that you shove into your ear. Are they called earbuds? I don't know. But that's why it's in my head. It's going to take some getting used to.

I got some weird/good news I guess today. You know that play I am doing at my school to become more one with Tina Fey? Well, on Monday there was a writing session. I was literally the only one there. It was just me and the two group leaders. It was actually really enjoyable. I got to showcase my writing talents while also becoming the leaders favourite. Well, maybe that's not true, but we did have fun and come up with a lot of material. Today we did casting. Guess who got the biggest part? Nope, not the likable extrovert who is involved in a bunch of other drama productions. Me. I did. The awkward introvert with no background in acting. So, Tina Fey, you have some competition...

I am actually super scared though. I've never had to memorize lines and stuff before. I've been good at improv, but actual acting? Ahhh. We have tomorrow as our first and only reversal and then the performance on Monday... I am freaking out a little bit. I literally have no experience.

I guess I will just have to see how everything goes. This is no where near the final production, so once they see I shouldn't write the part and also star in it, they will give me a simpler part.

I am no where near Tina Fey level yet.

Lemon 2.0

So, I went out and got a new fish. I was going to get one that looked just like Lemon, but they had a new shipment of female bettas it seemed and so I got a totally different one.

She is tiny, she is cute, she is also a bitch, welcome Lemon 2.0! (That will just be referred to as Lemon because I am unoriginal and I still love that name.)

I am not used to how very tiny she is compared. I thought she was going to be very timid and be scared of Li'l Sebastian, but nope. She had to prove who the boss is if course. When I put them in the tank together, Li'l Sebastian was in his shell, slowly coming out. Lemon got curious and went over to check him out. He was almost all the was out when Lemon went over and bit him! He then went very quickly back in his shell.

She was just checking to see what it was though. He is fine, and she has not attacked again. Li'l Sebastian is roaming freely, as well as Lemon.

It's a start to another beautiful friendship.

R.I.P.

Lemon went as she lived; like nobody's business. I would be lying if I said I saw it coming, but what happens happens.

I am not going to dwell on the fact too much. I still have Li'l Sebastian and he still needs a friend. Tomorrow I shall go out and get Lemon 2.0.

She lived a good life. She had her problems, but we all do. Lemon was a good fish and she will be missed, by me, by Li'l Sebastian, by the whole Doughty household.

It will be hard to find a replacement, in the bowl and in my heart. R.I.P. Lemon.

Facebook

When I post a status update on Facebook, it can't just be a normal one like, "goin 2 skool text da cell!!11!!" Frankly, statuses like that make me want to vomit grammar all over my computer screen. I do not understand it. It's Wednesday at 8am, I sure hope you're going to school, also, what else would we text? Your ass? Was that little bit necessary? If someone was like, "Oh God, where can I find Candy and how can I get a hold of her?" I don't think there would be a lot of confusion if it just said, "text me!!11!!"

Facebook is a great way to see someones competence even if you've never talked to them. Just by a quick glance at their profile, we can see many things. Let's talk about a few.

Profile Picture
Is it even a picture of them? Are they fully clothed? Are they making a kissy face that makes you want to kill yourself? All these questions will soon be answered. You can read the comments to see if people agree with your distaste, but do not get your hopes up.

Relationship Status
Are they in an actual relationship, married to one of their friends, married to a celebrity, or nothing at all? This will give you insight if they're single, crazy, spontaneous. Also what their standards are. (If they're married to a celebrity, then you know that you have to be as cool as said celebrity and maybe that's why they don't have a real boyfriend.... ha ha...)

Number of Friends
This can be from unrealistic to desperate. Does someone with 2 000 friends add every single person they see, or are they just so likable that everyone adds them? Personally, I have no idea. If you are reading this blog, you probably have no idea too. And if you do, you should probably find a cooler blog to read. Someone with 30 friends is kind of creepy. You're 1 of 30. They are forced to read every single thing you do because there isn't much more to read.

Wall posts
Does one person only write on their wall? Are there many people? Are they all different? Do the same five people constantly write on their wall? Are they wheeling and dealing? (Is that what the kids say?) What is the grammar like on their wall? Do you want to shoot yourself in the face just because of an extensive period of time spent here? If you are feeling suicidal, please close Facebook and go on something more tasteful, like this blog.

Status Updates
These can easily make or break a person. What is an appropriate Facebook status? We all have our own opinion, whether it be what you are doing every five minutes, something funny that just happened, a song lyric of a song you don't know, stating the weather because other people don't have windows too, or my favourite, witty remarks. When someones wall is filled with status updates and nothing else, they either live a very exciting life, or have no life at all. A Facebook status should either be some cool update about someones life or just something fun to read. Everyone is reading it, might as well make it interesting. People need to realized that not one person cares that you're, "fucking pissed," every afternoon. Not one person.

Facebook is a horrible place filled with horrible people who don't understand when they post that picture of themselves smoking a bong, (do you 'smoke' a bong?) it's on the internet.

I have the same profile picture since August, I update my status less then weekly, I do not care much for Facebook. I know people do though, and that's okay, but some people are just really stupid. Just know that what you post on Facebook is perceived differently by everyone. Don't be stupid.

Escape

I watch so much TV because I like to escape the real world. I would rather watch someone else life then live my own sometimes. It doesn't matter what is going on with me while Liz Lemon gets herself into another Lizaster, it doesn't matter how I'm feeling while Leslie Knope is convincing me that Pawnee is the best town in the world.

I decided to start Raising Hope from the beginning, and near the end of the episode I just started crying. I don't know why, it wan't even sad. Just silent tears.

Silence is the scariest thing. There is nothing to go by, no where to turn. It's like being trapped in a white room with no depth. You can't see the end, you can't feel the floor. But you're there, and even though you're alone, maybe that's enough.

Let's rant

There is this new show, on NBC Thursdays, called Whitney. It comes on after all my favourite programming, so I thought I would try it out. Community- Wonderful. Parks and Recreation- Wonderful. The Office- Wonderful. Whitney- Turned it off after four minutes.

I right away could not go from a filmed show, to two mocumentaries, to a show filmed in front of a live studio audience. The pause loud laughter after every stupid joke made me want to cry. To me, it feels like it takes away what you personally find funny. SNL is also filmed in front of a live audience, but it is a live show, so it's okay.

The following Friday, I saw that Whitney was on. I thought, for a good continence, I better sit through one full episode to really be able to judge it. The show is bad. And through the entire episode, only one line I can remember. The line was a rape joke. It was about how the boyfriend still had sex with her even though she was drugged on Tylenol PM. It just pissed me off more then anything. Like, that is not funny.

So, the show is bad. But my rant does not stop there. The creator of the show, and it just so happens that she stars in it too, is Whitney Cummings. Now, it's one thing to make a bad show, but it's another to talk bad about other shows while your show is out there being awful.

Whitney talks about how her show will save NBC. How her show can be relatable because she doesn't think shows have sexy, relatable characters anymore. That's what pisses me off. We have Liz Lemon, and Leslie Knope, and all the women on Community, (mostly Britta Perry).

Whitney is just a cliche show about relationships. Whitney is just 'one of the guys' who has a bad sex life so she tries to spice things up with a sexy costume. Never heard of that shit before.

Whitney was picked up for a full season today, that's why I decided to rant about how awful it is. So, to recap: Whitney the show = The worst. Whitney the person = The worst.

Get out of NBC Thursdays, bitch.

Russia

This is a true story. A story that happened to me today. I am laughing while writing this.

This girl that I sit next to in one of my classes, who I am friendly with, turns to me today. This is the conversation we had:

Her: Were you born in Canada?
Me: (Kind of laughs) What? Yeah, why?
Her: Oh, I thought you were like Russian or something.
Me: (Still kind of laughing) What? No, I'm not any part Russian.
Her: Oh, it's just because you have a little accent sometimes when you say some words.
Me: (Forever laughing) Really? Now I am going to be self conscious about my random accent.


I was really surprised. I guess you never really know how people see you until they just come out and ask if you're Russian.

Still though, I don't think I have an accent... do I have an accent?

Cold

As I am sitting here typing this, my elbows are touching the glass surface of my desk and becoming chilled. Everything in my room has a still feel to it today. Everything is frozen. The air is even still. For once in months my window isn't open, trailing in a cool breeze to slight the temperature in my small room. If I were to open it now, I would be too worried about the water freezing over in Lemon and Li'l Sebastian's bowl.

I keep thinking, "Winter is here," but it isn't. Autumn just started. Fall is my favourite season. It's sweater weather, which is the best kind of weather out there. Fall is also home to the best colours; orange, yellow, green, brown, red. Autumn is for celebration and decoration. My family does not skimp of any opportunity to decorate.

 We've had the furnace on once in September, but only because we were not use to the decline in temperature. It probably wasn't as cold as it is now. When my Dad gets home, he will probably mention something about turning on the furnace, which will cause my Mom to argue that we don't need it on yet. This is a normal occurrence with the change in seasons.

Personally, it doesn't bother me, the cold that is. As long as I have warm pajamas, a big blanket, and can always think of a third thing while listing things, I am fine for the day. Today I am going to curl up and read a good book. That book is Oryx and Crake by Margret Atwood. Speaking of which, I have another blog about said book for my English class. Feel free to check it out.

It's weird blogging only for the soul purpose for another person. I write this blog more for myself then for anyone who happens to read it. It's also weird having to blog about one thing, and the fact that when that one thing is over, the blog is useless. I like the fact that I am an experienced blogger. My teacher was trying to explain to me how Blogspot works, and I just nodded along. I'm worried that my classmates will somehow find this blog, I don't know how, but it might happen. The idea of my peers getting to know me this way makes me cringe.

I know I always blog about season changes, but that's because it fascinates me to no end. Every month (in Canada, anyways) there are changes outside. To our environment. To out lifestyle. I understand why seasons change, but it is still so magical.

I now have to go venture outside and take pictures for this blog that by this point in your reading, you will already have seen them. Blog-ception? I hope you are enjoying not only your day, but your existence. Without your existence, no one would be reading this and even though I write for myself, it is infinity gratifying to be able to share it.

It is freezing outside. I really like the pictures though. I edited them all to give them kind of a dull look because I am a photographer. I'm joking, but I hope you like them too.

New, but still the same

I've been busy lately. Between school, extra curricular activities, and TV, I haven't had much time to go back into my old ways. I feel a change in myself that's weird, but good.

I've been going to bed at a decent hour and actually falling asleep within the hour. I've been getting up earlier then I need to and just relaxing a little before school. There is no rush.

I'm still the lovable introvert, but I'm trying to break from that. I've joined the play thing at my school. We do a lot of improv and we get to write the play. One step closer to Tina Fey. I've also been participating in school like nobody's business. I think it's scaring my teachers. 

This may not be a big deal, but today I held open the door when there was a fire drill. One teacher was holding open one side, but the other side was just kind of a nuisance, so I stood there and held it open for everyone. Every teacher said thank you, even some students. It was weird. But I took that slight initiative. 

I guess what I'm getting at is that I like having the routine. I like being busy. I still may not love school, but I am glad it's there. It takes my mind off of all my problems and just puts me in the moment somewhere between stress and frustration. 

Stephanie: Awkward, Introvert, Insomniac. But maybe a little bit less of each.

What would you do?

What would you do if you opened your bedroom door and your bedroom was not inside? Your bed was gone. Your clothes gone. Your beloved fish just gone. You're not even looking at the inside of a house. There is a grassy hill in the distance that you barely even notice because about one hundred meters away you see a house. Maybe you wouldn't call it a house, it's more of a cottage. I quaint little stone cottage. You think they are stones anyways, each one set in the wall is such a bright, unnatural colour. You've been staring at this foreign country side for hardly a minute when it hits you. This isn't your bedroom.

Do you run?

Do you close the door and walk away?

Do you call for help?

Do you think you've gone insane?

Do you walk up to the house?

Do you see what's beyond the hill?

Do you continue to stare unblinkingly into your bedroom hoping it will disappear?

What if you do close the door. What if closing the door makes this strange world move on into the next non-expecting persons bedroom? Would you risk it? If you close that door and what you just saw is gone, you will think you're crazy for the rest of your life. You can't prove it was ever there. You can't tell anyone about it because no one will ever believe you.

So you slowly walk in. The ground definitely feels like grass. There is a slight breeze and the air smells like cinnamon. It's coming from the house. That's a friendly smell, right? You decided to release the doorknob and step further into the strange surroundings. Bad idea. The door slams shut. Panic washes over you. What if your house isn't on the other side?

What's done is done. If your house is on the other side, great, If not, well, you're stuck here. Before you test your fate you decide to check out this world anyways. As you make your way closer to the house, the smell becomes stronger. You tentatively knock on the door. There is no answer and the door is ajar. You make yourself known but there is no answer back. You step into the house. It's beautiful. It is just so you. All of your favourite things are already there. There are fresh cinnamon buns on the counter waiting.

You spot an envelope with your name on it. Confused, you open it. It reads:

I'm glad you made it. We are very happy to have you here. Please do not be alarmed. You were chosen among many. You have unique qualities that can benefit everyone greatly. Of course, we will make you feel very welcome. I am getting ahead of myself. You have a choice. If you go back now, your house and your old life will be waiting on the other side of the door. If you stay, your life will be fulfilled. Everything you've ever wanted. Everything you ever need. Relationships. Companionship. We have endless possibilities to make your life the best it will ever be. This is a big choice. Choose wisely. At 12am your door will disappear forever. Hopeful to meet you soon. 
P.S. Whether you decide to stay or not, help yourself to a bun. They are delicious.


You look around and easily spot the clock. It is 5:34pm. Time is ticking away.

What will you do?

Magic Tree

I found this beauty at the dollar store. I thought I would make a little stop motion video of the thing growing. Or whatever it is doing. Chemicals ftw.

I have to remember to take the face tracking thing off when I do stop motion. It is decent though, at least I didn't move the camera too much.

It actually looks pretty gross. Like some sort of mold growing or other type of hazardous bacteria. So worth $1.25 though.

And of course that it my ukulele playing in the background. I hope you can jam out to that.

Good bye.

Jar of Hearts

Here is my cover. You're welcome Nathan.

Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri:

I did two and I liked the second one better, but for some reason my camera killed it, and when it uploaded it didn't have any sound.So you're stuck with the moderately worse one. Whateves.You can hear some sickness in my voice, but I don't even care.

I also came home today and Photoshopped my heart out! I hope you like the new background. I like it a lot better then the last one.

And final note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY POEHLER! As you guys know, I am a huge fan. Parks and Recreation is starting up next Thursday and I am beyond excited. I missed TV so much, even though it never really left.

Picture theory

This may get complicated because of my poor way at explanations. Try to stick with me.

I was born in 1994. At this time, picture technology was fairly advanced. Sure, they have come a long way as of today, but the pictures looked good. If you took a picture of a tree in the sunlight, the picture would turn out as a picture of a tree in the sunlight.

Now, let's step back in time. Pictures started black and white. If you look at a legit black and white photo from decades ago you think, wow, this is so old. Moving into the first coloured pictures, they still didn't look like they did today. They were yellowish and spotty. Looking at these pictures you think, woah, this is so long ago.

No, onto my theory. Looking at pictures of your parents when they were younger, you always make fun of their hairstyles and clothing. Now, try and picture them just in an everyday situation. I don't know about you, but for me it's hard because I want to picture them how they look in their pictures. Black and white or yellowish. Obviously life in their time looked the same as our time, but they didn't have the technology to capture it like we capture our life.

Now let's think to the future. When our kids look at our pictures will they think it's that much of a change because our picture quality will be the same? Assuming that pictures don't change, I don't see how they can because what we capture digitally is crystal clear, exactly how we are seeing it. When they look through our yearbooks are they really going to think that our hairstyles were really odd because they are going to look real?

To break it down, my theory is that we judge the past based on what we see in pictures, and how we see the pictures. Maybe I'm making no sense. Think about it though, I think I make sense anyways.

Bearded Knowledge

A short by Stephanie Doughty

One day as I was walking home, minding my own business, this man stops in front of me. He harshly says, "Kid, you're not going anywhere."

I guess you could say I was taken aback, but, in truth, I knew it all along. My life has been one stationary movement. Ever since I could walk, I was happier standing still. My grades are average. My family is average. There is literally nothing special about me. I am not going to do anything spectacular like fly a spaceship or go fishing for the Loch Ness Monster. So what am I doing? Dreaming? There is no point.

Of course this man could have said this because he was about to mug me. I look into his rugged, bearded face and look beyond the dirt and grime to see what other secrets of life he holds. As he rough handles me for my cash, I don't struggle, I just think. This man is so smart, I wonder how he ended up on the streets.

I watch him as he runs off with my life savings of thirty-five thousand dollars and have a urge to run after him. Not to try and get my money back, but to thank him. To thank him for his words of truth. For his knowledge.

I now know that there is no point of trying. I'm not going anywhere.

End scene.

Quick writes

My sociology teacher does this thing where she puts a question up on the board and we answer it. We do about 4 each week and she collects them every 2 weeks. The questions range from personal to about sociology.

One of my greatest strengths is expressing myself through writing, so I quite enjoy these. It lets my teacher get to know me without actually having to talk. When I'm writing, I don't care what I say. I have no limits when I answer these questions, which I guess is kind of weird.

We did our first quick writes of this semester today. The question was something like: If you were my age (she's 34), where would you be living? Where would you be working? What would you do in your spare time?

I found this the perfect opportunity to show a completely different side of myself.

This is my answer: I am living in New York City. I live in a cozy apartment with my mentally unstable roommate named Kat. I am a writer for a new television show. I spend my free time hanging out with my best friend, and mentor, Tina Fey. Everything is wonderful.

In grade 9 French we had to do this presentation about our role models. I talked about Tina Fey. It's the same teacher. I don't know if she will remember, but I think it's pretty funny.

On the first day of class we went around the room finding people that matched these different things, like, I play an instrument, or I've met a famous person. When we were finished we talked about each thing and put up our hands if we do that or have done it.

It felt weird telling the class that I play guitar and ukulele (the teacher was surprised), and telling them I met Doris Roberts and having to explain who she is and where I met her. I can't remember how many I shared, and each time I put my hand up, how surprised the teacher was. It felt good.

Sociology is definitely my favourite class.

Forever sadface

How the fuck do people do this? How do they decide what to do with the rest of their lives? How do they make it through high school?

School today was horrible.

Every class was blah this about university, and blah that about grades and scholarships.

I don't want to do this. I don't know if I can handle university.

This is only the first day back and I already want to give up and continue my hermit lifestyle.

I really hope this gets better before it gets worse.

Inevitable

Here I am sitting my my room and becoming really sad because school starts up tomorrow.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....OOOOOOOOO....ooo...o.

I am starting twelfth grade, and can I just say, high school is an awful place filled with awful people. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I had friends, but at school I would be lucky if I could name five people that I would voluntarily spend time with. Did you know that I can't make friends? Was it that obvious? Oh...

The first week of school is the worst. New people, old people, introductions. Seating. Having no friends means that it's always a struggle picking a seat. That's what I worry about the most. Of course it is never that big of a deal, but it just freaks me out.

I am also going to have to get dressed like everyday. How horrible?

I guess it will be kind of nice to get back into a structured day. Summer for me means doing nothing. Nothing includes TV, a shit ton of TV.

Stephanie, what did you do this summer?
Well teacher, I watched a lot of TV on the internet. It made me smarter though, I swear.

Today I thought I would end the summer well. I watched SNL, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon with Tina Fey, I am going to be watching a lot of TV, eating a lot of crap, and just enjoy the few hours I have left.

I hope this year is simply manageable. I don't go in with a lot of expectations.

The day is young, time for more TV!