Waking up with you beside me
Watching your breathing and your smiling
You don't want to leave the bed so warm
Promises of mistletoe has no harm
Orange juice kisses fill my lips
Blushing down to my finger tips
Holding you in my arms so long
Singing along to a festive song
Christmas eve will never feel the same
Unless you're here whispering my name
When you're in love you write corny poems
Sometimes they rhyme, you never know
I suggest you go fall in love and see
How happy your dumb poems turn out to be
Just a girl that's still unequipped for the real world, but working on it; one blog post at a time.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Friday, December 21, 2012
I want to
I want to watch you read a book.
I want to see how your face reacts to the text only you can see.
I want to hear you laugh at the characters you imagine.
I want to watch as you turn the page and take in a new chapter.
I want to not distract you from the world in your head.
I want to play with a strand of your hair when your attention is elsewhere.
I want to become the pages.
I want to become the text.
We are the characters in this weird book about forever.
We are the memories of our older selves.
We are the tattered edges of a well used paperback.
We are the love story without an ending.
I want to watch you read a book.
I want to see how your face reacts to the text only you can see.
I want to hear you laugh at the characters you imagine.
I want to watch as you turn the page and take in a new chapter.
I want to not distract you from the world in your head.
I want to play with a strand of your hair when your attention is elsewhere.
I want to become the pages.
I want to become the text.
We are the characters in this weird book about forever.
We are the memories of our older selves.
We are the tattered edges of a well used paperback.
We are the love story without an ending.
I want to watch you read a book.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
The number 8
My two favourite numbers are 6 and 8. 68. Never 86. I guess you call them your lucky numbers, I don't know. But 6 has always been there for me. 8 came a little later.
Do you have those random childhood memories that just kind of stuck with you? Having 8 be one of my lucky numbers is one of those stories. I remembered this today and it is just so embarrassing that this is why I like the number 8! Anyways, onward through the story...
I don't remember how old I was, maybe 10? Let's say I was 10. I got one of those teen magazines (probably because it had Hilary Duff on the cover) and was reading through it. Well, I never actually read the articles. I always used to go right for those dumb quizzes.
This one just happened to match up your lucky number with a celebrity... yes. This is happening.
Knowing my lucky number is 6, I saw that my celebrity match up was Justin Timberlake. I was not pleased. Looking at the other celebrity options, I saw Chad Michael Murray. I adored him. I saw that he was matched with people whose lucky number is... 8. Yes.
So I thought, "Well, I like 8. 8 can be my other lucky number." And that is that and I am going to bury myself into a hole because this is a real story.
Oh, how things have changed.
Do you have those random childhood memories that just kind of stuck with you? Having 8 be one of my lucky numbers is one of those stories. I remembered this today and it is just so embarrassing that this is why I like the number 8! Anyways, onward through the story...
I don't remember how old I was, maybe 10? Let's say I was 10. I got one of those teen magazines (probably because it had Hilary Duff on the cover) and was reading through it. Well, I never actually read the articles. I always used to go right for those dumb quizzes.
This one just happened to match up your lucky number with a celebrity... yes. This is happening.
Knowing my lucky number is 6, I saw that my celebrity match up was Justin Timberlake. I was not pleased. Looking at the other celebrity options, I saw Chad Michael Murray. I adored him. I saw that he was matched with people whose lucky number is... 8. Yes.
So I thought, "Well, I like 8. 8 can be my other lucky number." And that is that and I am going to bury myself into a hole because this is a real story.
Oh, how things have changed.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Plot twist
I am a triplet.
I am so funny I can't even handle it. But honestly, I love doing stuff like this. It's like messing with reality. Though my reality is pretty amazing right now; it doesn't need to be tampered with.
So, what have I been up to? It's December! It's been raining and that's only okay sometimes (when you're in bed). I want snow! I want the holiday season to be in full swing! I also really want hot chocolate but we don't have any and it is extremely frustrating.
Also, welcome to my blog new comers... ;) This is weird, but good.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Bag of McDonald's
I don't know what to write about anymore. All I want to do is swoon but I am going to hold back because I have restrain on myself! (Kind of.)
Blah, I'm so happy. I feel like a bag of McDonald's all the time. (Trust me, that's a good feeling.)
I also wish someone would get on with the whole making teleportation reality thing because like, it's almost 2013 and what do we have to show for it? A couple hours a few times a week is not enough, but it's still wonderful. Everything is wonderful. I love scary movies now, but only in the right company.
Speaking of 2013, isn't the world supposed to end on December 21st of 2012? Is that still a thing or have people forgotten?
Also speaking of 2013, I have no idea what calendar to get this year. I always get one of those tree killer, day by day, flip calendar because it gives my day a purpose. Last years was Six-Word Memoirs, which have only been okay. I like the idea though. Dare to be different.
Once more about 2013, I have a lot to write in a sentimental, change of year post. Did I write one last year? Probably.
I am going to go dance in the moonlight now. But not really because baby it's cold outside.
Blah, I'm so happy. I feel like a bag of McDonald's all the time. (Trust me, that's a good feeling.)
I also wish someone would get on with the whole making teleportation reality thing because like, it's almost 2013 and what do we have to show for it? A couple hours a few times a week is not enough, but it's still wonderful. Everything is wonderful. I love scary movies now, but only in the right company.
Speaking of 2013, isn't the world supposed to end on December 21st of 2012? Is that still a thing or have people forgotten?
Also speaking of 2013, I have no idea what calendar to get this year. I always get one of those tree killer, day by day, flip calendar because it gives my day a purpose. Last years was Six-Word Memoirs, which have only been okay. I like the idea though. Dare to be different.
Once more about 2013, I have a lot to write in a sentimental, change of year post. Did I write one last year? Probably.
I am going to go dance in the moonlight now. But not really because baby it's cold outside.
Monday, November 19, 2012
One Moment
There's that one moment when you realize it's gone too far for you to just let it go.
And that's scary because that means if it's taken it can hurt even more.
But it's also one of the best feelings in the world.
Smile, things are happening.
And that's scary because that means if it's taken it can hurt even more.
But it's also one of the best feelings in the world.
Smile, things are happening.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Go for it
I auditioned for my musical today. I sang in front of people. I've never done anything like it before. Last year I did not audition for a singing role. It's was such a weird experience but I do not regret it for a minute.
I signed up yesterday because I was very iffy about the whole thing, but then said fuck it and wrote my name at the bottom of the list and stressed about it for 24 hours.
I did something new.
I faced my fears.
I did not die.
I've been doing this quite a bit this year. Going out of my comfort zone. Because why the hell not? I don't actually have to be there, might as well do some crazy stuff. The audition itself was not flawless. I was nervous of course, but the physical nerves didn't hit until like 3/4 through the first song. Then I got a little shaky, but it was not horrible.
I think it's because I did not care. I do not care if I get a call back or get a big part, I just wanted to do it to say that I auditioned. The teacher was saying that out of all the kids in the school only a small few can say that they had the balls to get in front of people and sing, and that really stuck with me. People were also crying after. I did not.
So go do something you wouldn't have done yesterday. Do something you couldn't imagine yourself doing last year. Do something and just say fuck it. I will not say YOLO, but it was implied, yes.
I really wanted to start rapping/singing No Diggity. Should I do a cover? I'm such a good rap-ist. (Parks and Rec reference to my homies).
Friday, November 9, 2012
To adulthood
Today is my 18th birthday. Today I am legally an adult. I can vote and buy lottery tickets. This is a big step. So, today was wonderful. I got serenaded in a library by some friends and then the librarian heard and gave me chocolate. I was serenaded by a teacher in the same library. I got a present that consisted of Justin Bieber's new book (best not to ask) and The Women of Saturday Night Live DVD from my friend and her sister. My other friend surprised me and came down from Ottawa, so we hung out for a while. I gifted my birthday napkin as per usual. My peer tutoring class wished me a happy birthday in a crazy and constant way. I came home and spent time with the famjam and it was just wonderful.
I always think my birthday is going to be just like any other day, but truth is, I love my birthday. It makes me see just how many people love and care for me. It's kind of suffocating. It feels so good just to be reminded of that sometimes. So thank you to everyone.
So, here it is, my letter to myself.
Dear new adult Stephanie,
Holy shit we made it. There were some questionable times, but we're here and it feels great. 17 was a big year, but not for things you expected. You're very happy you stayed back for a year. For once you feel like someone that does something. Someone that can make a difference. You know where you want to go and actually have a realistic idea on how to get there.
17 was a year of challenges, but you're one step closer to where you want to be. You've never felt more comfortable with yourself. You've never known yourself as much. No one has ever known you as well as they do now. It feels so good.
And though it is good now, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and now you know that it's okay. Now you know that bad days are just bad days.
Things are looking good. In a year we might be completely different. I don't know what legal drinking age Stephanie will be like, but adult Stephanie is great and looking forward to diving into life.
You're going to live and blog forever.
I always think my birthday is going to be just like any other day, but truth is, I love my birthday. It makes me see just how many people love and care for me. It's kind of suffocating. It feels so good just to be reminded of that sometimes. So thank you to everyone.
So, here it is, my letter to myself.
Dear new adult Stephanie,
Holy shit we made it. There were some questionable times, but we're here and it feels great. 17 was a big year, but not for things you expected. You're very happy you stayed back for a year. For once you feel like someone that does something. Someone that can make a difference. You know where you want to go and actually have a realistic idea on how to get there.
17 was a year of challenges, but you're one step closer to where you want to be. You've never felt more comfortable with yourself. You've never known yourself as much. No one has ever known you as well as they do now. It feels so good.
And though it is good now, I don't know what tomorrow will bring, and now you know that it's okay. Now you know that bad days are just bad days.
Things are looking good. In a year we might be completely different. I don't know what legal drinking age Stephanie will be like, but adult Stephanie is great and looking forward to diving into life.
You're going to live and blog forever.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
57 Past the Old Mill
"Take a left on Sudbury. It'll be the next street." She curses herself and wonders if anyone else doubts themselves this much while giving directions. You've been here before, Janis. Calm down.
"What number is it again?" He remembers she said 57 earlier, but wants to ask just incase he remembers wrong or she thinks it's weird that he remembers. Dammit Deryl, is this awkward?
"It's 57, just past the old mill." That's how her friend described it to her when she was driving last time. Poor Tammy. I wish she was in the car now.
Deryl pulls into the dirt driveway. He swallows loudly in anticipation. Did she hear that?
Janis makes no attempt to get out. She's still thinking about Tammy. Was it my fault? Will the same thing happen to me? To Deryl?
"You came here with Tammy, right?" You told me you did once.
"I, uh, yes. We came here once. It was my first time here." Is this too much information?
"Have you been back since the, uhm..." Accident.
"No, not until now," I never wanted to come back. "I guess we should go inside." Maybe we should just leave.
Deryl unfastens his seatbelt and opens the door. When he steps out Janis does the same, mentally preparing herself. They approach a door set in three meters of brick wall.
"Do we knock?" Please don't make me knock.
"No, I have to open it. Next time you'll open it." Just like Tammy said.
Janis opens the door. A field is located on the other side. The continuation of the field where they are standing.
The door leads to nowhere. There is no magic. Janis is a loon.
"Just do what I do. Don't forget." I'll see you soon Tammy.
Janis backs up a few steps and runs into the piece of brick wall to the left of the now open door. With a 'pop' she is gone.
Deryl stares at the plain brick wall. Before he can act, a figure comes out of the right side.
"Where's Janis?" Tammy asks Deryl looking very dishevelled.
"She's gone." The door slams shut. Silence takes over. The two head back to the car. They are together again.
"What number is it again?" He remembers she said 57 earlier, but wants to ask just incase he remembers wrong or she thinks it's weird that he remembers. Dammit Deryl, is this awkward?
"It's 57, just past the old mill." That's how her friend described it to her when she was driving last time. Poor Tammy. I wish she was in the car now.
Deryl pulls into the dirt driveway. He swallows loudly in anticipation. Did she hear that?
Janis makes no attempt to get out. She's still thinking about Tammy. Was it my fault? Will the same thing happen to me? To Deryl?
"You came here with Tammy, right?" You told me you did once.
"I, uh, yes. We came here once. It was my first time here." Is this too much information?
"Have you been back since the, uhm..." Accident.
"No, not until now," I never wanted to come back. "I guess we should go inside." Maybe we should just leave.
Deryl unfastens his seatbelt and opens the door. When he steps out Janis does the same, mentally preparing herself. They approach a door set in three meters of brick wall.
"Do we knock?" Please don't make me knock.
"No, I have to open it. Next time you'll open it." Just like Tammy said.
Janis opens the door. A field is located on the other side. The continuation of the field where they are standing.
The door leads to nowhere. There is no magic. Janis is a loon.
"Just do what I do. Don't forget." I'll see you soon Tammy.
Janis backs up a few steps and runs into the piece of brick wall to the left of the now open door. With a 'pop' she is gone.
Deryl stares at the plain brick wall. Before he can act, a figure comes out of the right side.
"Where's Janis?" Tammy asks Deryl looking very dishevelled.
"She's gone." The door slams shut. Silence takes over. The two head back to the car. They are together again.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
New month
How the hell is it November? I was just crying about having to wear summer clothes and now I have to cry about being an adult. STEPHANIE NO LIKE.
But yes, November. It's cold. It's rainy. It's bearded. It's here.
I haven't been blogging because I've been pleasantly distracted, but I'm well. Let's play some catch up:
But yes, November. It's cold. It's rainy. It's bearded. It's here.
I haven't been blogging because I've been pleasantly distracted, but I'm well. Let's play some catch up:
- I was runner up in a writing contest. I'm not even joking, it happened. I got money and published in an awfully coloured and kind of sketchy magazine. But, it's good.
- I've been reading
- I've been drinking tea
- I've been going to school
- I've been eating a lot of chocolate
I don't live an exciting life. But, November. Will it be exciting? Hopefully more so. I'll be an adult. I'll hopefully win the lottery. I'll do awesome things. Go awesome places.
It's a scary thought, being an adult, but I'll be sure to post a scared birthday letter when that day comes.
I am happy. I think I got my future pretty well figured out. I love talking to adults about it. I was looking into a program and telling my teacher about it and she said, "I bet a lot of people who think they're funny apply to this. The difference is, you are funny." It probably made my life.
A few things I need to remember are:
- Have a backup plan
- Nothing is certain
- Do what you love
Apparently November calls for impromptu lists. I like it. I need to blog more. This has been a mess.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Getting to know someone
One of the best feelings in the known universe is truly getting to know another person. People intrigue me to no end. We're so complex and have so many memories and stories and relationships. I love learning about someone elses experiences.
I love when it all happens organically. When you talk about your day and personal things slip through. Because, like the weird super-human I am, I remember everything. And then I make a catalogue in my head about that person and it fills up when I learn a new thing and it may be very creepy, but I can't really help it.
I don't do this for everyone I meet because I don't like knowing everyone I meet. And I want them to get to know me too. There needs to be a mutual willingness to learn and share, but not in a corny way. I look at getting to know someone like when you introduce a character in a book or movie. You can't just dump facts about them, but everything will present itself in due time.
And you have to be yourself. I make a fool of myself many times in a day, but I think people really like that. If you're being yourself, they will be themselves and everything will be magic.
And you'll know far too much about an Asian named Tina, have a good cop/bad cop persona, have a plan to become millionaires from a guide to get your dog to love you (copyrighted), and embrace being a teenage old lady.
I love meeting new people.
I love when it all happens organically. When you talk about your day and personal things slip through. Because, like the weird super-human I am, I remember everything. And then I make a catalogue in my head about that person and it fills up when I learn a new thing and it may be very creepy, but I can't really help it.
I don't do this for everyone I meet because I don't like knowing everyone I meet. And I want them to get to know me too. There needs to be a mutual willingness to learn and share, but not in a corny way. I look at getting to know someone like when you introduce a character in a book or movie. You can't just dump facts about them, but everything will present itself in due time.
And you have to be yourself. I make a fool of myself many times in a day, but I think people really like that. If you're being yourself, they will be themselves and everything will be magic.
And you'll know far too much about an Asian named Tina, have a good cop/bad cop persona, have a plan to become millionaires from a guide to get your dog to love you (copyrighted), and embrace being a teenage old lady.
I love meeting new people.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Positive Space Leadership Forum: Day 2
Let me go get some more wine before I reminisce about the better times because I am (almost) an adult.
Much better... also, it is raining super hard and yes. Lightning and thunder. Yes.
So, today was the last day of my gay-cation. I will miss it dearly as I am back in the real world where people aren't as nice, but at least I have new knowledge. I left the forum with new friends, new experiences and a lot of new information. The whole thing in general was a lot of fun.
Today we talked more about LGBTQ, we drew pictures, did surveys, listened to speakers, performed skits. Oh God, let's not talk about the skits... (I'm going to talk about them anyways). We were taken away from our wonderful groups (picture below) and had to go back with our school. Only four people from my school even came (though I did make new friends within my school). We were the smallest group as the school with two joined with another.
The skit was showing either the good, bad, or the ugly of our school. We chose bad and it was foreshadowing with the skit in general. We talked about it, didn't practise, and then we were called on first to present. Oh shit. We were like, "Noooo!" It went horribly. We decided to do a silent skit. It was three of us pointing and whispering at the transgender girl like how she would experience it before. It was like 4 seconds long. The other groups were amazing. Let's just forget about that.
Other than that experience, it was great. I wish they did this like once a month or something. I also hope I can bring back something to the school. We have to do a project like thing on this, so that should be fun times.
The past two days were wonderful and I look forward to participating in future events!
(I wrote this like a weird essay. I blame the wine.)
Much better... also, it is raining super hard and yes. Lightning and thunder. Yes.
So, today was the last day of my gay-cation. I will miss it dearly as I am back in the real world where people aren't as nice, but at least I have new knowledge. I left the forum with new friends, new experiences and a lot of new information. The whole thing in general was a lot of fun.
Today we talked more about LGBTQ, we drew pictures, did surveys, listened to speakers, performed skits. Oh God, let's not talk about the skits... (I'm going to talk about them anyways). We were taken away from our wonderful groups (picture below) and had to go back with our school. Only four people from my school even came (though I did make new friends within my school). We were the smallest group as the school with two joined with another.
The skit was showing either the good, bad, or the ugly of our school. We chose bad and it was foreshadowing with the skit in general. We talked about it, didn't practise, and then we were called on first to present. Oh shit. We were like, "Noooo!" It went horribly. We decided to do a silent skit. It was three of us pointing and whispering at the transgender girl like how she would experience it before. It was like 4 seconds long. The other groups were amazing. Let's just forget about that.
Other than that experience, it was great. I wish they did this like once a month or something. I also hope I can bring back something to the school. We have to do a project like thing on this, so that should be fun times.
The past two days were wonderful and I look forward to participating in future events!
(I wrote this like a weird essay. I blame the wine.)
 |
| The all wonderful 'Healing' group |
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Positive Space Leadership Forum: Day 1
Or, as I like to call it, crazy fun gay times. The day focused mostly on the LGBTQ(etc.) community and the wonders within. I learned so much and have new perspective and met so many people. It was honestly a lot of fun and really informative and so accepting and willing to do anything for any group. I felt so welcome and sort of awestruck.
We got separated into separate tables by folders given to us. I was Healing, though I'm not sure why it was called that. It was held in this fancy hotel so everything was pretty cool. There was this speaker who told us about his struggles and how his life turned out, which was both humorous and emotional.
Then we took our groups and headed to separate rooms. We did different exercises and talked about a lot of different things. We heard peoples stories and their own struggles. They talked about their schools and family. It was light and informative, and sometimes darker. People have to go through so much shit to just be whoever the hell they want to be. It's insane.
And there was lots of free food.
I can honestly say it was one of the best experiences I've had and can't wait to go back tomorrow. I want to meet more people and make more friends and I'm surprised I actually did so today. And now I'm rambling because I'm happy! It's Thursday! Everyone just shut up and let me have this!
We got separated into separate tables by folders given to us. I was Healing, though I'm not sure why it was called that. It was held in this fancy hotel so everything was pretty cool. There was this speaker who told us about his struggles and how his life turned out, which was both humorous and emotional.
Then we took our groups and headed to separate rooms. We did different exercises and talked about a lot of different things. We heard peoples stories and their own struggles. They talked about their schools and family. It was light and informative, and sometimes darker. People have to go through so much shit to just be whoever the hell they want to be. It's insane.
And there was lots of free food.
I can honestly say it was one of the best experiences I've had and can't wait to go back tomorrow. I want to meet more people and make more friends and I'm surprised I actually did so today. And now I'm rambling because I'm happy! It's Thursday! Everyone just shut up and let me have this!
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
"I'm so happy!"
Recently, whenever I'm in a really good mood, I'll just have this goofy smile on my face and say out loud to myself, "I'm so happy!"
Then I usually spin around on my chair or stand on it or dance or make a crazy face into a mirror and start laughing like the fool I am because why not.
I don't care what makes you happy. If it's watching hours of Youtube, reading a book, watching your opt stand near each other, or farting into a purse, it doesn't matter. But when you hit that high, when you can almost feel that dopamine seep into your brain (without any illegal narcotics) then acknowledge to yourself that this is good. You're in a good place.
(I think I had a little too much wine today.)
And tomorrow I'll tell you all about this leadership forum I'm going to! So much to look forward to!
Then I usually spin around on my chair or stand on it or dance or make a crazy face into a mirror and start laughing like the fool I am because why not.
I don't care what makes you happy. If it's watching hours of Youtube, reading a book, watching your opt stand near each other, or farting into a purse, it doesn't matter. But when you hit that high, when you can almost feel that dopamine seep into your brain (without any illegal narcotics) then acknowledge to yourself that this is good. You're in a good place.
(I think I had a little too much wine today.)
And tomorrow I'll tell you all about this leadership forum I'm going to! So much to look forward to!
Sunday, October 7, 2012
No names or faces
"Why do you do that?" Teasing.
"Do what?" Caught off guard.
"Smile like an idiot when I walk in the room." Laughing, joking.
"I... I didn't. I just wasn't expecting you this early..." Nervous.
"I'm actually late." Sits beside.
"Oh, I must have lost track of time." Lying.
"It doesn't matter. Give me some of that blanket."
"Do you want the remote?"
"What's on?"
"I was watching this dumb movie."
"What's it about?" Leaning.
"Two people, unexpected friendship, the usual."
"Do they fall in love?" Smiling.
"I haven't seen the ending." Bites lip.
"Maybe we should keep watching." Silence.
Stories don't need names or faces. They can start and stop where you want. They need a writer, a reader, and imagination. These two people are who you want them to be.
"Do what?" Caught off guard.
"Smile like an idiot when I walk in the room." Laughing, joking.
"I... I didn't. I just wasn't expecting you this early..." Nervous.
"I'm actually late." Sits beside.
"Oh, I must have lost track of time." Lying.
"It doesn't matter. Give me some of that blanket."
"Do you want the remote?"
"What's on?"
"I was watching this dumb movie."
"What's it about?" Leaning.
"Two people, unexpected friendship, the usual."
"Do they fall in love?" Smiling.
"I haven't seen the ending." Bites lip.
"Maybe we should keep watching." Silence.
Stories don't need names or faces. They can start and stop where you want. They need a writer, a reader, and imagination. These two people are who you want them to be.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Your face
Do you ever have a moment when you can't stop looking at your face. If you think, no, I hate my face blah blah blah, then stop it. I honestly believe you can trick yourself into falling in love with your own face/self. I think this is very important to do because hell, it's your face. It's the first thing people see about you. It's the thing that greets you in the mirror. It's yours.
Open your webcam, or put a mirror beside you while you're on the computer and just glance at yourself. Smile at yourself. Talk to yourself via mirror person. Know yourself. When you make a certain face tell yourself you're cute. Be super cocky when you're alone, staring at your face because yes, you're the most beautiful/handsome person in the room! Own it.
It's odd that we can't just see our own face whenever we want. We need a reflection of some sort, so we don't always know what we look like. But if you get to know your face as well as you know your friends or your moms, I will make you feel more comfortable. You can think back to when you were staring at yourself the night before, thinking about how good you look and you'll remember that that face is on you right now, you just can't see it.
Put yourself in other people's shoes. You look different from ever angle. Have you ever thought that you look at yourself from the same angle, dead straight everyday. People around you are not your height. They see you differently. Take pictures from all different angles. Study them. Love the little things that make you you.
It's been said a million times, to love yourself. I think you need to get to know yourself. You need to feel comfortable with yourself, especially your outer self because like it or not, it's what people see. And if you know your face, if you study your face, you get to experience what other people experience. When you break that wall and think, "Fuck, I am looking good today," that slight smile on your face could make a whole difference.
Take a lot of pictures. You don't have to like them all, but take enough so you know you'll love at least one of them. Look your best so when you're feeling unsure, picture that picture and remember you can see yourself as that everyday. I can't just tell you not to care what other people think, but it helps if you start to feel good in your own skin.
I've never loved myself more than I do now. I think it started when I got my haircut. Maybe you need a change or maybe you just need to open your eyes.
Open your webcam, or put a mirror beside you while you're on the computer and just glance at yourself. Smile at yourself. Talk to yourself via mirror person. Know yourself. When you make a certain face tell yourself you're cute. Be super cocky when you're alone, staring at your face because yes, you're the most beautiful/handsome person in the room! Own it.
It's odd that we can't just see our own face whenever we want. We need a reflection of some sort, so we don't always know what we look like. But if you get to know your face as well as you know your friends or your moms, I will make you feel more comfortable. You can think back to when you were staring at yourself the night before, thinking about how good you look and you'll remember that that face is on you right now, you just can't see it.
Put yourself in other people's shoes. You look different from ever angle. Have you ever thought that you look at yourself from the same angle, dead straight everyday. People around you are not your height. They see you differently. Take pictures from all different angles. Study them. Love the little things that make you you.
It's been said a million times, to love yourself. I think you need to get to know yourself. You need to feel comfortable with yourself, especially your outer self because like it or not, it's what people see. And if you know your face, if you study your face, you get to experience what other people experience. When you break that wall and think, "Fuck, I am looking good today," that slight smile on your face could make a whole difference.
Take a lot of pictures. You don't have to like them all, but take enough so you know you'll love at least one of them. Look your best so when you're feeling unsure, picture that picture and remember you can see yourself as that everyday. I can't just tell you not to care what other people think, but it helps if you start to feel good in your own skin.
I've never loved myself more than I do now. I think it started when I got my haircut. Maybe you need a change or maybe you just need to open your eyes.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Let's answer some questions that I found on the internet
Does anyone else actually find these fun? I just like doing them.
How do you relieve stress?
By curling up in a ball and forgetting that life's a thing
Have you ever been in a car accident?
Nope
Do you thrive when under pressure?
I guess so. I get things done when I need to.
Are you sore anywhere?
Everywhere.
Are you more a stay at home kind of person or do you always have plans?
Stay at home
Do you ever feel unimportant?
Ha. Haha. Never. Nope. Ha.
How old are you?
17.
When did you last cry? Did you cry in front of people?
The other day. Never.
How do you feel right now?
Like shit. This is why I'm doing these questions!
Describe one of your scars.
I fell on some ice as a chillen. My knees are some sad times.
Are you currently single?
Of course.
Do you ever threaten to beat people up?
Always. Too often probably.
Is anyone in your family sick?
In the head? Yes.
Are you very up-front about things or do you “beat around the bush”?
Depends on the situation. Like if you have chocolate on your face I will tell you, if you're asking me a personal question, I will not.
What kind of camera do you have?
Casio Exilim
Has anyone ever told you that you have an accent?
Surprisingly so. I am not Russian, bitch.
Where are you from?
Your mom. Surprise.
Do you still live there?
No, ew.
Who have you texted most today?
A sock puppet named Jamal
Do you say I love you to your best friends?
Yes, and they love it and we should say it more often to each other.
What did the last text you sent say?
"I am. So many secrets." This is funny out of context
Who did you last say I love you to?
My Nannie
Do you have any posters in your bedroom?
A lot
Do you like where you live, or are you dying to leave?
I am just dying in general
Do you have a big family?
Not particularly.
Do you enjoy going through old pictures?
Yes!
Do you sing a lot?
Yes. I sing all the time.
Were you born blonde?
Yes.
Are you afraid of thunder and lightning?
What are you, my therapist?
Have you ever performed on stage in front of people?
Indeed I have. Multiple times.
Do you sleep naked?
Are you a jeans and t-shirt type of person or do you prefer to dress up?
Jeans and sweaters
What color was the last towel you used?
Pink because I am a lady
Do you sleep well at night?
Never
Do you have any nicknames?
Bitch face, Dirty Grace, Llama taste (I don't even know)
Think about someone who you’ve been distancing yourself from, why are you doing it?
Because I can
Are you a player or do you keep to one person?
I would like to be a player, but how do I get one person?
What brings out the worst in you?
fucking bears.
Do you miss someone?
Always
How do you relieve stress?
By curling up in a ball and forgetting that life's a thing
Have you ever been in a car accident?
Nope
Do you thrive when under pressure?
I guess so. I get things done when I need to.
Are you sore anywhere?
Everywhere.
Are you more a stay at home kind of person or do you always have plans?
Stay at home
Do you ever feel unimportant?
Ha. Haha. Never. Nope. Ha.
How old are you?
17.
When did you last cry? Did you cry in front of people?
The other day. Never.
How do you feel right now?
Like shit. This is why I'm doing these questions!
Describe one of your scars.
I fell on some ice as a chillen. My knees are some sad times.
Are you currently single?
Of course.
Do you ever threaten to beat people up?
Always. Too often probably.
Is anyone in your family sick?
In the head? Yes.
Are you very up-front about things or do you “beat around the bush”?
Depends on the situation. Like if you have chocolate on your face I will tell you, if you're asking me a personal question, I will not.
What kind of camera do you have?
Casio Exilim
Has anyone ever told you that you have an accent?
Surprisingly so. I am not Russian, bitch.
Where are you from?
Your mom. Surprise.
Do you still live there?
No, ew.
Who have you texted most today?
A sock puppet named Jamal
Do you say I love you to your best friends?
Yes, and they love it and we should say it more often to each other.
What did the last text you sent say?
"I am. So many secrets." This is funny out of context
Who did you last say I love you to?
My Nannie
Do you have any posters in your bedroom?
A lot
Do you like where you live, or are you dying to leave?
I am just dying in general
Do you have a big family?
Not particularly.
Do you enjoy going through old pictures?
Yes!
Do you sing a lot?
Yes. I sing all the time.
Were you born blonde?
Yes.
Are you afraid of thunder and lightning?
What are you, my therapist?
Have you ever performed on stage in front of people?
Indeed I have. Multiple times.
Do you sleep naked?
No lie, yes. It's actually wonderful and you should try it sometime.
Are you artistic? If so, what’s your area of arts?
I like to think so. All fields. (But not really)
If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it?
Yes, it would be fun seeing them bow down to me like the peasants they are.
Is there anyone you think you deserve an apology from?
The world
Do you remember who you sat by during the birth video in school?
A boy names Skylar in grade 9 science. That was some fun times.
Have you ever been called beautiful?
Yes, so often that it gets old.
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/ girlfriend drinks?
Depends to what extent and if they invite me
Do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
Very much so
Could you handle living together with the last person who you talked on the phone with?
Ha, probably not
Are you happy with who you are?
In some ways yes, in others, no
Do you believe that you can change someone?
I can change the world, baby
Who was the last person to wear your clothes?
The hooker that just left my room
Do you find smoking unattractive?
It's not a quality I would ever look for, but I think some people suit it.
What do you currently hear right now?
Crickets being little dicks
Tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
Their face and what they do with that face.
Are you artistic? If so, what’s your area of arts?
I like to think so. All fields. (But not really)
If your old class was to have a reunion, would you attend it?
Yes, it would be fun seeing them bow down to me like the peasants they are.
Is there anyone you think you deserve an apology from?
The world
Do you remember who you sat by during the birth video in school?
A boy names Skylar in grade 9 science. That was some fun times.
Have you ever been called beautiful?
Yes, so often that it gets old.
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/ girlfriend drinks?
Depends to what extent and if they invite me
Do you think you’ve changed over the past year?
Very much so
Could you handle living together with the last person who you talked on the phone with?
Ha, probably not
Are you happy with who you are?
In some ways yes, in others, no
Do you believe that you can change someone?
I can change the world, baby
Who was the last person to wear your clothes?
The hooker that just left my room
Do you find smoking unattractive?
It's not a quality I would ever look for, but I think some people suit it.
What do you currently hear right now?
Crickets being little dicks
Tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?
Their face and what they do with that face.
Have you ever used beer for your cereal instead of milk?
Is this a thing?
Is this a thing?
Are you a jeans and t-shirt type of person or do you prefer to dress up?
Jeans and sweaters
What color was the last towel you used?
Pink because I am a lady
Do you sleep well at night?
Never
Do you have any nicknames?
Bitch face, Dirty Grace, Llama taste (I don't even know)
Think about someone who you’ve been distancing yourself from, why are you doing it?
Because I can
Are you a player or do you keep to one person?
I would like to be a player, but how do I get one person?
What brings out the worst in you?
fucking bears.
Do you miss someone?
Always
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I don't know
I always come here and complain, and I complain to others, and I am just so sick of myself. I understand if you're sick of me too. I don't know what else to do though. I know it's my own fault. I know there's nothing to do but help myself. But I keep making excuses. I don't know how to make the next step.
I wish I could just write a list of small goals and actually accomplish all of them. But why write a list if you know nothing will come of it? It's this never ending circle.
I don't know how to be okay and that scares me.
I wish I could just write a list of small goals and actually accomplish all of them. But why write a list if you know nothing will come of it? It's this never ending circle.
I don't know how to be okay and that scares me.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Simple
I wanted to become the kind of person who drinks tea, writes stories, and has an abundance of novels ready to read.
So, I steeped tea, cleared my mind, and piled books.
Sometimes life can be (is) simple.
So, I steeped tea, cleared my mind, and piled books.
Sometimes life can be (is) simple.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Ralph and the Bath
"And where were you, Mister?"
Blink.
"Don't look at me like that."
Woof...
"Ralph, do not use that tone on me." Ralph bows his head and sticks out his tongue, not so much as in a gaped mouthed, playful way, but in defeated anguish with just the tip showing. His scrunched up face giving him the look of absolute sorrow.
"Apology accepted. Now, you need a B-A-T-H." Mary spells out the b-word as to not alarm Ralph. Bath is one of his trigger words. Others include: walk, bad, bye-bye in the car, and balloon (something to do with his complicated childhood). Mary doesn't want Ralph to flip out in his current, muddy state. She pictures Ralph getting too overwhelmed and... jumping... on her... white... couch cushions. She visibly cringes and shakes her head to try and make the image disappear.
Grabbing an organic dog biscuit, Mary tries to lure Ralph into the bathroom where lukewarm, sudsy water awaits the rambunctious pug. Ralph shows no interest to the biscuit made with real, green, leafy vegetables. Mary sighs and switches it for a treat that resembles bacon. She only bought the organic ones in an attempt to change the round body of Ralph into something more oval.
Sniff, sniff.
Mary waves the fake bacon in her hand slowly from side-to-side as she walks backwards towards the bathroom in an awkward crouch, beckoning Ralph. He waddles over to the treat, trying to taste the flavor that fills his tiny nostrils and makes his head swim.
With no recollection of how he ended up there, Ralph and Mary face each other in the bathroom. She gracefully closes the door and laughs at Ralph a little too manically for his liking. His little ears press against his head as realization dawns on him.
He's in what the human calls 'bathroom'. He smells hints of lilac and vanilla, common scents traced to cleanliness. He looks at the porcelain object referred to as 'bath', with it's bubbly substances spilling out, and up at the human which he loves. The human that takes him on walks and pets him for hours. The human that feeds him and feeds him again. How could human do this to Ralph?
Mary knows the light-bulb went off as the pug's face turns to horror and betrayal. Her heart breaks a little staring into his eyes. She frowns and squats down to pet him, the treat still securely out of reach. She sees his short fur coated with dirt and smells traces of wilderness on him. She knows what must be done.
Mary waves the treat in front of Ralph's face again. He snaps out of his trance and becomes memorized by the Ecstasy within reach. She tosses the bacon substance into the tub and Ralph soon follows suit without a second thought. Content with the treat, Ralph allows Mary to clean him and all is right in their world again.
Ralph loves human; Mary loves Ralph.
Blink.
"Don't look at me like that."
Woof...
"Ralph, do not use that tone on me." Ralph bows his head and sticks out his tongue, not so much as in a gaped mouthed, playful way, but in defeated anguish with just the tip showing. His scrunched up face giving him the look of absolute sorrow.
"Apology accepted. Now, you need a B-A-T-H." Mary spells out the b-word as to not alarm Ralph. Bath is one of his trigger words. Others include: walk, bad, bye-bye in the car, and balloon (something to do with his complicated childhood). Mary doesn't want Ralph to flip out in his current, muddy state. She pictures Ralph getting too overwhelmed and... jumping... on her... white... couch cushions. She visibly cringes and shakes her head to try and make the image disappear.
Grabbing an organic dog biscuit, Mary tries to lure Ralph into the bathroom where lukewarm, sudsy water awaits the rambunctious pug. Ralph shows no interest to the biscuit made with real, green, leafy vegetables. Mary sighs and switches it for a treat that resembles bacon. She only bought the organic ones in an attempt to change the round body of Ralph into something more oval.
Sniff, sniff.
Mary waves the fake bacon in her hand slowly from side-to-side as she walks backwards towards the bathroom in an awkward crouch, beckoning Ralph. He waddles over to the treat, trying to taste the flavor that fills his tiny nostrils and makes his head swim.
With no recollection of how he ended up there, Ralph and Mary face each other in the bathroom. She gracefully closes the door and laughs at Ralph a little too manically for his liking. His little ears press against his head as realization dawns on him.
He's in what the human calls 'bathroom'. He smells hints of lilac and vanilla, common scents traced to cleanliness. He looks at the porcelain object referred to as 'bath', with it's bubbly substances spilling out, and up at the human which he loves. The human that takes him on walks and pets him for hours. The human that feeds him and feeds him again. How could human do this to Ralph?
Mary knows the light-bulb went off as the pug's face turns to horror and betrayal. Her heart breaks a little staring into his eyes. She frowns and squats down to pet him, the treat still securely out of reach. She sees his short fur coated with dirt and smells traces of wilderness on him. She knows what must be done.
Mary waves the treat in front of Ralph's face again. He snaps out of his trance and becomes memorized by the Ecstasy within reach. She tosses the bacon substance into the tub and Ralph soon follows suit without a second thought. Content with the treat, Ralph allows Mary to clean him and all is right in their world again.
Ralph loves human; Mary loves Ralph.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Still
Everyone's moving on with their life.
Everyone took a step in the right direction.
You stood still, waiting for something to happen.
You stood still, waiting for the world to catch you.
They seldom look back.
Listen to your sad songs.
Write your dumb poems.
Feel the warm tears.
Nothing helps.
Nothing changes until you do.
Take the leap.
Take the jump.
Take the dive.
Just take a step.
I want so much out of life. I want to do so many things. I have so many dreams. So many huge dreams. But I don't do anything. I feel like I can't do anything. I feel like I can't deal with anything anymore. Everything is happening so fast. Again. I'm going to just shut down. I can't just shut down. I don't know what to do. I never knew what to do.
Nothing's going to change. I am what I am. I am nothing.
Everyone took a step in the right direction.
You stood still, waiting for something to happen.
You stood still, waiting for the world to catch you.
They seldom look back.
Listen to your sad songs.
Write your dumb poems.
Feel the warm tears.
Nothing helps.
Nothing changes until you do.
Take the leap.
Take the jump.
Take the dive.
Just take a step.
I want so much out of life. I want to do so many things. I have so many dreams. So many huge dreams. But I don't do anything. I feel like I can't do anything. I feel like I can't deal with anything anymore. Everything is happening so fast. Again. I'm going to just shut down. I can't just shut down. I don't know what to do. I never knew what to do.
Nothing's going to change. I am what I am. I am nothing.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
In The Dark I See
Here is my final cover.
In The Dark I See - Lights Cover
I hope you enjoy it. I love playing this song, once again I think it sounds better in my head. But, whatcha gunna do?
I registered for school today. I am not looking forward to it but I'm going to try and stay positive. Le sigh. The summer has gone by fast, which is good, but now I have to face this. I didn't want to become this, but here I am.
Random note to self: Never fucking buy waterproof mascara again.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Rivers and Roads
This is one of my favourite songs. Whenever I play a song acoustically I sometime think it and I sound amazing, but it never transfers on camera, and this is one of those times. I don't know if it's me thinking too highly of myself, or the camera, or my fear of cameras. But I don't think it's horrible.
Rivers and Roads - The Head and the Heart Acoustic Cover
My hair looks so different than yesterday when I shot this video! I didn't take a picture of it normal, but here is one of me and experimenting with it. I like it a lot better shorter and I like being able to do stuff with it.
I feel so much more confident with my hair short. I'm not always worried about what it looks like what I'm out. It's just there not doing anything. I love it and I feel fantastic. I wish I did it sooner.
Rivers and Roads - The Head and the Heart Acoustic Cover
My hair looks so different than yesterday when I shot this video! I didn't take a picture of it normal, but here is one of me and experimenting with it. I like it a lot better shorter and I like being able to do stuff with it.
 |
| Embracing the camera |
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
You and I
Today was a cover kind of day! I did three, so look for those periodically, or stalk my Youtube to watch or they are already all on here because you're reading this in the future.
You and I - Lady Gaga Acoustic Cover
Just click the link and go to Youtube. It's so annoying to post videos on here if they are from a different account than the one set up with your blogger. Arg.
Blogger, fix that.
Now.
Anyways, I'm getting a haircut tomorrow! Again... I will post more pictures because I am turning very vain because hell, I like my face and I like to look at it, so sue me.
You want to know something else that's hilarious? I started watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians and I love it. I'm on season four... This is my life.
You and I - Lady Gaga Acoustic Cover
Just click the link and go to Youtube. It's so annoying to post videos on here if they are from a different account than the one set up with your blogger. Arg.
Blogger, fix that.
Now.
Anyways, I'm getting a haircut tomorrow! Again... I will post more pictures because I am turning very vain because hell, I like my face and I like to look at it, so sue me.
You want to know something else that's hilarious? I started watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians and I love it. I'm on season four... This is my life.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Insight for the foolish
Everyone has their little quirks. Everyone does little things that everyone may not notice, or that they don't show to anyone. Every single person is fucking insane, but we're too afraid to let others in on it. We're so afraid to let people see the weird things we do behind closed doors.
Truth is, it's so easy to fall in love with someone. It's so easy to fall in love with the little things they do. It's so easy to look at someone and think, "I love when you do that." It's so simple to find little quirks about a person that you love, if they let you.
If you were able to follow someone home and watch them sing along to their favourite song, and watch them play with their dog, and watch them smile when they text, and watch them get frustrated at the news, and watch them interact with people that have nothing to do with you, you could so easily fall in love.
This could be that person that doesn't say anything in class, or that other person that smokes by the street, or that other person that eats lunch alone. We're so consumed in being liked, instead of being loved. We're consumed in our own lives, instead of realizing there are others out there.
In the end, we all want someone that you can show your weird quirks to. We want someone who won't judge us for what we do behind closed doors. We want someone to love us. If you're looking for love, let people see who you are. Allow them to fall in love with you one piece at a time like you will fall in love with them. Open your eyes and notice everything about them. Observe.
And then you'll realize you don't just love the way they smile to themselves, you love them.
Truth is, it's so easy to fall in love with someone. It's so easy to fall in love with the little things they do. It's so easy to look at someone and think, "I love when you do that." It's so simple to find little quirks about a person that you love, if they let you.
If you were able to follow someone home and watch them sing along to their favourite song, and watch them play with their dog, and watch them smile when they text, and watch them get frustrated at the news, and watch them interact with people that have nothing to do with you, you could so easily fall in love.
This could be that person that doesn't say anything in class, or that other person that smokes by the street, or that other person that eats lunch alone. We're so consumed in being liked, instead of being loved. We're consumed in our own lives, instead of realizing there are others out there.
In the end, we all want someone that you can show your weird quirks to. We want someone who won't judge us for what we do behind closed doors. We want someone to love us. If you're looking for love, let people see who you are. Allow them to fall in love with you one piece at a time like you will fall in love with them. Open your eyes and notice everything about them. Observe.
And then you'll realize you don't just love the way they smile to themselves, you love them.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
I am
I am not a happy person
I am not the flowers and sunshine that put light on your face
I am not a simple person
I am not that caterpillar destined to grace the Earth with new wings
I am not a optimistic person
I am not a bird ready with wings to soar
I am a thinker
I am a dreamer
I am an observer
I am in the darkness hoping the rays of life will not skip past me
I am hoping you will not need to share yours
I am willing to let you keep them
I am willing to stay in the dark
I will never be that happy person
I will never put light on your face
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Multitasking
This is a video of me singing and playing guitar to When You Were Young by The Killers on Rock Band! I did this a while ago but forgot to blog about it. And I didn't even do that well and I was playing on hard when I play this song on expert now! Whatever. Enjoy!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Olympics
I really got into the Olympics this year. I watched it pretty much all the time. I'm very sad to see it come to a close. It makes me so proud to be a Canadian, no matter how many medals we got and how many of them happen to be bronze.
I don't consider myself a sports person, but when I was younger I did and now I regret giving up sports. I was a track and field star from grades 4-8. I made it to the next level most years. I remember in grade 4, on track and field day, in the morning it was all track. I think I got one fifth place ribbon or something random. I went home for lunch slightly disappointed, but excited for the afternoon. I ended up winning first place in high-jump, triple-jump, and long-jump. It might be one of my proudest moments. High-jump was always my best sport. I came in first in grade 6 too. Such a magical time.
This Olympics I watched every sport like nobody's business, but the sport I fell in love with was soccer. And the players. Woman's soccer to be specific. The Canadian ones. But it's such a weird feeling to put yourself in their shoes. They play professional soccer for a living. They took home a bronze medal winning the hearts of all Canadians. People know their names and are watching them do what they love, and it's just so real. And so amazing to me.
It's a weird concept, putting countries against each other to compete for chunks of elements. But it brings out so much beauty and so much pride. And I'm really sad that it's over because now what am I going to watch at 5am when I can't sleep?
Another thought came to me while watching the closing ceremonies. The summer Olympics is every four years. Where will I be in four years? Last summer Olympics it was the summer I was going into grade 9. I didn't think, "Wow, next summer games I'll be a high school graduate that has really nothing going for her."
And while the Canadian Woman's soccer team practices to get ready for the next Olympics and the World Cup and stuff, what will I be doing? What will I be doing in two years for the winter Olympics? I honestly have no idea, and I think that's a good thing. But I'll be in my 20's which is just weird.
I hope, wherever I am, there is a television that constantly has the Olympics on.
I don't consider myself a sports person, but when I was younger I did and now I regret giving up sports. I was a track and field star from grades 4-8. I made it to the next level most years. I remember in grade 4, on track and field day, in the morning it was all track. I think I got one fifth place ribbon or something random. I went home for lunch slightly disappointed, but excited for the afternoon. I ended up winning first place in high-jump, triple-jump, and long-jump. It might be one of my proudest moments. High-jump was always my best sport. I came in first in grade 6 too. Such a magical time.
This Olympics I watched every sport like nobody's business, but the sport I fell in love with was soccer. And the players. Woman's soccer to be specific. The Canadian ones. But it's such a weird feeling to put yourself in their shoes. They play professional soccer for a living. They took home a bronze medal winning the hearts of all Canadians. People know their names and are watching them do what they love, and it's just so real. And so amazing to me.
It's a weird concept, putting countries against each other to compete for chunks of elements. But it brings out so much beauty and so much pride. And I'm really sad that it's over because now what am I going to watch at 5am when I can't sleep?
Another thought came to me while watching the closing ceremonies. The summer Olympics is every four years. Where will I be in four years? Last summer Olympics it was the summer I was going into grade 9. I didn't think, "Wow, next summer games I'll be a high school graduate that has really nothing going for her."
And while the Canadian Woman's soccer team practices to get ready for the next Olympics and the World Cup and stuff, what will I be doing? What will I be doing in two years for the winter Olympics? I honestly have no idea, and I think that's a good thing. But I'll be in my 20's which is just weird.
I hope, wherever I am, there is a television that constantly has the Olympics on.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Let's answer some questions!
1: When you have a container of Neapolitan ice cream, what flavor do you leave for last?
Strawberry!
2: Would you rather be caught in a thunderstorm without an umbrella or a snowstorm without boots?
Snowstorm, as long as some sort of footwear is available
3: Let's say you have access to a time machine, but it can only go either backward or forward. One or the other. Which do you choose and where do you go?
Honestly, I'd probably go back to grade 8 and get my shit together before high school knowing what I know now.
4: If you could choose to have any superpower ever, what would you pick?
The power of seduction
5: Tomorrow morning, you wake up in the body of a celebrity, like in a '90s body-swap movie. Who is it? How do they react to your life? What do you do when you're "them"? Would you choose to switch back?
Tina Fey. She is scared to death to be me. I do amazing things, like go to work and call Amy Poehler. Yes, I would because then I could talk to her about the weird thing that happened, forever forming a friendship like sisterhood.
6: Any allergies?
Only to your mom's perfume.
7: What would you be more embarrassed to buy: sex toys or adult diapers?
Adult diapers, because it's not like there's a specific store dedicated to adult diapers.
8: Did you get enough sleep last night?
Ha, no.
9: You're the sole witness to a Mafia murder. Witness protection has to set you up with a whole new life in a totally new country. You have to leave everything behind, but you can pick where you move to. Where do you go?
Ah, I don't know! I want to say like Grease or Australia, but realistically, probably NYC bitches.
10: If you could star in a biopic about any famous person ever, who would it be?
Tina. Fey.
11: What's the biggest animal you've ever killed? Bugs count.
Mountain lion with my bare hands.
12: Would you rather have millions of dollars but always feel nauseous when you go outside, or be dirt poor forever but never get sick again in your life?
Rich. Who needs the outdoors?
13: A wizard offers you immortality in exchange for your two front teeth. Do you take it?
Yes I would.
14: Could you win the Hunger Games?
I wouldn't want to win.
15: What was your favorite Halloween costume as a kid? How about as a teen/adult?
Barbie as a child. Barbie as an adult.
16: Do you bite your nails?
Nope
17: What was the first movie you remember seeing in the theater?
I remember going to go see Pokemon very clearly.
18: Do you prefer music with male or female vocalists?
Usually male
19: You and the love of your life are having a baby, and you get to choose the name! There's only one catch: your partner INSISTS that it be the name of a place, real or fictional. What do you name your baby?
Pawnee
20: If you could reboot or remake any movie, what would it be and who would you cast?
Charlie's Angels. Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Maya Roudolf would play the girls. Lorne Michaels would be Charlie. Jimmy Fallon would be Bosley.
21: If you could automatically know how to speak any language or play any instrument, which would you choose?
I would choose to know how to flawlessly play guitar, or piano.
22: For you, would getting amnesia be a good thing?
Probably
23: If you curse loudly and then realize that there are children nearby, what is your reaction?
"Oh fuck, sorry."
24: Of what animal are you most afraid?
Velociraptor
25: Pizza or oral sex?
Oral sex from someone who just ate pizza. (I'm only half joking)
26: Without looking them up, can you explain the rules of football? How about Quidditch? What do you think that says about you?
Not really. Like, in someways. I think Quidditch more than the technical aspects of football, unless by football we mean soccer.
27: You're in the car, switching channels on the radio when you hear a song that makes you go "OH SHIT, THAT'S MY JAM!" What song is it?
Hold On by Wilson Philips
28: Have you ever paid to see a Step Up movie? If not, how much would someone have to pay YOU to see a Step Up movie?
I saw the first one in theaters... twice.
29: If you were being executed tonight, what would you choose for your last meal?
Chicken fingers and smile fries.
30: Have you ever bought an item of clothing because it reminded you of something a fictional character would wear?
Ahahaha, yes. I don't even regret it.
31: If you were invisible for a day, what would you do?
Stalk a whole lot of people
32: Have you ever been punched in the face?
No, and this saddens me. Someone punch me in the face!
33: How do you take your ramen noodles?
Cooked
34: Do you ever rehearse or plan conversations before you actually have them?
Almost always
35: How much black do you wear on a regular basis (not counting funerals)?
Because funerals are a regular basis. Not that much usually.
36: Do you have any tattoos? Do you want any?
No, and yes
37: If someone offered you a free pet snake, would you take it? It's not dangerous or really big or anything. They're just moving to a place that doesn't allow pets.
If I lived alone, sure
38: Do you know how to pronounce the word "pinochle"?
I do after I asked Google
39: Can you think of anything more boring than birdwatching?
Being outside and there being no birds
40: Are you better with numbers or words?
Words, as in writing down words
41: At the movies, do you stay for the credits?
No
42: Is morality universal or relative?
Universal
43: Let's say you're getting married to someone you absolutely adore. The only catch is that you met them through a Craigslist hookup ad that was supposed to be just for one night of casual sex. Would you tell your friends how you and your fiance met?
Yes, and it would be awesome and everyone would support me. (No.) (I'd probably make a joke about it at the wedding.)
44: What's the worst name you've ever been called?
Oprah Winfrey
45: Would you eat human flesh if it had been harvested and prepared humanely? (Say, from someone brain-dead who had marked him or herself down as an organ donor - same difference, right?)
Of course, without a second thought. Let's dig in.
46: At what age did you stop believing in Santa? Alternately, if you never believed in Santa, did you ever ruin Santa for anyone else?
I don't remember. Grade 6 was complete ending point for me. I don't know what the thought process was before, it's not like I was that convinced.
47: Do you get along better with old people or little kids?
Oldies are my homies
48: If you had to choose, would you rather become a nun/monk or a drug dealer?
Drug dealer
49: What's your best bodily feature, objectively speaking?
My booty.
50: Who is your favorite late night talk show host?
Jimmy Fallon!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Just another sleep analogy
Waiting for sleep is like waiting for a late bus; you're there on time, standing with your money in hand, after a few moments you lazily shove your change deep into your pocket, after a few more minutes you decide to sit down. Just as you get comfy you see a bus coming your way so you jolt up in time to realize it's not even your bus. Now you're back at stage two. Do you bother to sit back down? Of course you do because you really don't have many other options. Sleep is a complicated waste of time, but you would literally be no where without it.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Know your age
Everyone has those moments where they freak out over something. Whether it's the future, their relationship status, their job, or their family. It could be anything no matter how big or small. I do all of this daily. I'm sitting here feeling like a heap of steaming shit (visual needed) because I am a fucking failure and horrible person. But at the end of the day I am still a 17 year old girl trying to figure out her place.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone younger than me complains about something in their life, especially about their future or their love life. Everyone needs to be able to step back and realize everything will change in a few years. Realistically, life doesn't start until you're in you're totally self reliant and facing the real world. And that's scary.
I am no where near that, and I am scared to death. I sit here and think that it will never come. That I will forever be the worst, and blogging about it. I will forever be unhappy and alone. But I keep reminding myself that this year of my life really means little. I need to keep that hope that things will get better.
I've never felt so fucking alone. Even when I'm with people, I feel alone. I just want things to be different, but they can't be right now. I want things to be in my favour, but they might never be. I want to not come home and crumble to the floor and have to pick myself back up everyday because I don't know how long I can do this for.
I want to be able to say, "It did get better," instead of, "It will get better," because I'm tired.
But once again, at the end of the day, even when I crumble, I am still 17 with years ahead of better experiences, more people, and happiness. As long as I keep reminding myself of that, I might just be okay.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone younger than me complains about something in their life, especially about their future or their love life. Everyone needs to be able to step back and realize everything will change in a few years. Realistically, life doesn't start until you're in you're totally self reliant and facing the real world. And that's scary.
I am no where near that, and I am scared to death. I sit here and think that it will never come. That I will forever be the worst, and blogging about it. I will forever be unhappy and alone. But I keep reminding myself that this year of my life really means little. I need to keep that hope that things will get better.
I've never felt so fucking alone. Even when I'm with people, I feel alone. I just want things to be different, but they can't be right now. I want things to be in my favour, but they might never be. I want to not come home and crumble to the floor and have to pick myself back up everyday because I don't know how long I can do this for.
I want to be able to say, "It did get better," instead of, "It will get better," because I'm tired.
But once again, at the end of the day, even when I crumble, I am still 17 with years ahead of better experiences, more people, and happiness. As long as I keep reminding myself of that, I might just be okay.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Let's write
So I started writing this book I guess. I don't know where it will go, but I keep coming back to it and I think I have a pretty solid idea. I find that when I write, if I know the whole plan completely, than I don't feel the need to write it and it's a horrible quality to have. For this one I legit just opened a word document and see where it went, and it's going.
I also realized that I'm such a slow writer! Like, I am legit the worst. It takes me like an hour to get like half a page, and it's not from writers block, I just get distracted and it's awful. Last night I wanted to seclude myself and just write, but that failed.
Do you have a room in your house that you're completely unfamiliar with? It's a room rarely used and you don't know really what's in it. That's our spare bedroom for me. It was 2am and I sneaked around and got my mom's laptop, went into the room, and everything went downhill. Where are the plugs? Well, after searching for what felt like forever I finally located them... all behind large pieces of furniture and unreachable. Oh, how I was angry. I guess I need to find an extension cord or something. I'll have to do that sometime soon because I actually want to get a lot of writing done!
The story is kind of personal in a way, which makes it easy to write, but it's also nerve racking. But, like I said before, I'll see how it goes. It's funny though! Of course. Always. I also feel like it might make a better movie than book, so who knows, maybe I'll just write a screenplay again.
Off to do more writing! I have three pages done... Shh... At least they are full pages!
I also realized that I'm such a slow writer! Like, I am legit the worst. It takes me like an hour to get like half a page, and it's not from writers block, I just get distracted and it's awful. Last night I wanted to seclude myself and just write, but that failed.
Do you have a room in your house that you're completely unfamiliar with? It's a room rarely used and you don't know really what's in it. That's our spare bedroom for me. It was 2am and I sneaked around and got my mom's laptop, went into the room, and everything went downhill. Where are the plugs? Well, after searching for what felt like forever I finally located them... all behind large pieces of furniture and unreachable. Oh, how I was angry. I guess I need to find an extension cord or something. I'll have to do that sometime soon because I actually want to get a lot of writing done!
The story is kind of personal in a way, which makes it easy to write, but it's also nerve racking. But, like I said before, I'll see how it goes. It's funny though! Of course. Always. I also feel like it might make a better movie than book, so who knows, maybe I'll just write a screenplay again.
Off to do more writing! I have three pages done... Shh... At least they are full pages!
Monday, July 23, 2012
Big change
Today I cut off all my hair because fuck it, I wanted to. I love it. I feel like a fucking rock star or something. I feel very confident. I feel like this is the first step to the rest of my life. I feel like I am overreacting because it's just stupid hair.
(I didn't take the 'before' picture today, shhh.) Anyways, it's short. I keep running my fingers through it. I thought it would feel so weird, but it doesn't. Then the realization sets in and the questions like, how's this going to grow out and what will people think, but then you're like fuck it because you're so past caring.
I honestly like it. I feel like a new me. I feel older. I feel good.
 |
| Before. |
 |
| After. |
I honestly like it. I feel like a new me. I feel older. I feel good.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Hypocrites and memory
Hippocrates make me so angry it's not even funny. I think the reason why I can't stand them is because I catch them every time. I have a weird memory, but it's usually a good one. I can almost always see something or hear, and it will drive me back to a past memory about the same thing.
Like, if someone said to me today, "I hate parrots," sometimes I would instantly remember when they talked about parrots before. I don't know how to explain things, but anyways, by observance and listening skills often get people in trouble. This is also why I hold grudges like nobody's business. It's because I can't forget.
And if someone thinks to themselves, "Wow, Stephanie is totally being a hypocrite right now," I probably know, but have changed my mind. Like, I know I had the conversation with you and what I said, and so I recall the instant you're recalling. Is this making any sense?
I just hate it when people post something or say something that is directly against something else they've done, even if they don't realize it because I recall all the little things. This has been brought on by me seeing someone posting something with the word 'fag' in it, then seeing another post about ending homophobia. Like, you just failed so hard and I am so angry.
I also notice when someone re-posts something. Right away I will be like, "You have already reblogged that, sir," I guess this only makes sense if you're on Tumblr. I think duplicates might be my thing. But it's more than that. I take in everything, and I remember most. It's the little things. I won't remember what I had for breakfast, but I will remember that you wore that outfit last time I saw you. I won't remember your birthday, but I'll remember you saying that you don't like bananas that one time randomly.
I love being able to recall the most random memories. I love being able to confuse someone because I remember something about them that they only mentioned in passing. I love just being observant and looking at everything and it's just my thing. But it also sucks sometimes because you remember too much and then you can't forget and move on.
So yes, if you tell me something, I will probably remember. If you do something to me, I'll never forget. I'll also think of it whenever we talk, and it just kills me a little, but I move on, or I try to anyways.
And now you know why I can't sleep. Dumb brain and its thinking.
Like, if someone said to me today, "I hate parrots," sometimes I would instantly remember when they talked about parrots before. I don't know how to explain things, but anyways, by observance and listening skills often get people in trouble. This is also why I hold grudges like nobody's business. It's because I can't forget.
And if someone thinks to themselves, "Wow, Stephanie is totally being a hypocrite right now," I probably know, but have changed my mind. Like, I know I had the conversation with you and what I said, and so I recall the instant you're recalling. Is this making any sense?
I just hate it when people post something or say something that is directly against something else they've done, even if they don't realize it because I recall all the little things. This has been brought on by me seeing someone posting something with the word 'fag' in it, then seeing another post about ending homophobia. Like, you just failed so hard and I am so angry.
I also notice when someone re-posts something. Right away I will be like, "You have already reblogged that, sir," I guess this only makes sense if you're on Tumblr. I think duplicates might be my thing. But it's more than that. I take in everything, and I remember most. It's the little things. I won't remember what I had for breakfast, but I will remember that you wore that outfit last time I saw you. I won't remember your birthday, but I'll remember you saying that you don't like bananas that one time randomly.
I love being able to recall the most random memories. I love being able to confuse someone because I remember something about them that they only mentioned in passing. I love just being observant and looking at everything and it's just my thing. But it also sucks sometimes because you remember too much and then you can't forget and move on.
So yes, if you tell me something, I will probably remember. If you do something to me, I'll never forget. I'll also think of it whenever we talk, and it just kills me a little, but I move on, or I try to anyways.
And now you know why I can't sleep. Dumb brain and its thinking.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Onward!
I want to take a bottle and harness the feeling that I'm feeling so whenever I'm sad I can have a sip and everything will be better. These constant highs and lows will be the death of me. Why can't I always just remember this feeling. This feeling of complete bliss!
You don't realize how much you miss someone, or will miss someone, until you can't just talk to them always. Things just feel right again. Not in like a weird way, but it's nice knowing you have someone to talk to. I don't even know.
I think I need to start eating healthy. I don't know how, but I probably should.
And sleeping. I should probably have normal sleeping patterns.
And everything. Everything just needs to be normal.
I just feel so fucking good right now. I'm going to go watch more of this show that I am falling in love with.
Stephanie. Stephanie. Onward. Onward feeling like this forever.
You don't realize how much you miss someone, or will miss someone, until you can't just talk to them always. Things just feel right again. Not in like a weird way, but it's nice knowing you have someone to talk to. I don't even know.
I think I need to start eating healthy. I don't know how, but I probably should.
And sleeping. I should probably have normal sleeping patterns.
And everything. Everything just needs to be normal.
I just feel so fucking good right now. I'm going to go watch more of this show that I am falling in love with.
Stephanie. Stephanie. Onward. Onward feeling like this forever.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I feel
I feel like people are sick of me.
I feel like I annoy everyone.
I feel as though I don't relate to anyone.
I feel as though no one understands.
I feel like no one wants to understand.
I feel like an idiot.
I feel like a loser.
I feel like someone barely getting by.
I feel like I'm lost.
I feel like a failure.
I feel like no one cares, but honestly, why should they care if I don't? I don't know how to deal with anything. This is my fault. I push everyone away. Why should I be surprised? They can't read my mind. They can't know.
I feel like I don't deserve what I have.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Today was okay, but then the night comes.
I wonder if I'd still have friends if they knew everything about me. If they knew everything I do. I guess I'll never know.
I feel like I annoy everyone.
I feel as though I don't relate to anyone.
I feel as though no one understands.
I feel like no one wants to understand.
I feel like an idiot.
I feel like a loser.
I feel like someone barely getting by.
I feel like I'm lost.
I feel like a failure.
I feel like no one cares, but honestly, why should they care if I don't? I don't know how to deal with anything. This is my fault. I push everyone away. Why should I be surprised? They can't read my mind. They can't know.
I feel like I don't deserve what I have.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring. Today was okay, but then the night comes.
I wonder if I'd still have friends if they knew everything about me. If they knew everything I do. I guess I'll never know.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Pie
I've been rethinking my life, like usual, and I've been thinking about what truly makes me happy. I've been making pro/con lists in my head about everything and everything has so many cons except for on thing. Pie. I have a deep love for pie. I'm not even kidding. By belly is full of pie right now and I am content for once.
I don't want to make pie; I want to taste pie. I want to fill my mouth with all different kinds of pies from all around the world. I want to look at a pie and say, "Get inside of me." And the pie will because I said so. I want gorgeous people to put pieces of pie in my mouth and not get angry if I can't finish it or don't like it or ask for some water, because it's just pie.
The reviews I would write would all be positive, maybe a little sexual, and have underlining wit, because tasting pie is one thing, but writing about it is another. It wouldn't be to rate it, it would simply to describe its many qualities. Hundreds, thousands, millions around the world would welcome me to put their pie in my mouth. My blog would be pilled with pictures of pies, pictures of me eating pie, and discussions about pie.
Maybe love will find me and begin to outshine my love for pie so we would settle down in the country next to an elderly couple who own a cherry orchard and the man bakes cherry pies while the wife picks the not-so-perfect cherries because they don't believe in gender roles. They gift me a pie on the odd occasion and I eat it and enjoy every bite, but my pie days are over and my blog is virtually dusty.
Our Christmas cards have me and my significant other wearing beautifully vintage sweaters with a pie shaped baby in my arms. Every year the joke does not get old. I send it to a lot of people, but with no return address so they know I'm happy, even though I have not seen them for many moons.
And everything would finally be wonderful.
Everything is pie and nothing hurts.
I don't want to make pie; I want to taste pie. I want to fill my mouth with all different kinds of pies from all around the world. I want to look at a pie and say, "Get inside of me." And the pie will because I said so. I want gorgeous people to put pieces of pie in my mouth and not get angry if I can't finish it or don't like it or ask for some water, because it's just pie.
The reviews I would write would all be positive, maybe a little sexual, and have underlining wit, because tasting pie is one thing, but writing about it is another. It wouldn't be to rate it, it would simply to describe its many qualities. Hundreds, thousands, millions around the world would welcome me to put their pie in my mouth. My blog would be pilled with pictures of pies, pictures of me eating pie, and discussions about pie.
Maybe love will find me and begin to outshine my love for pie so we would settle down in the country next to an elderly couple who own a cherry orchard and the man bakes cherry pies while the wife picks the not-so-perfect cherries because they don't believe in gender roles. They gift me a pie on the odd occasion and I eat it and enjoy every bite, but my pie days are over and my blog is virtually dusty.
Our Christmas cards have me and my significant other wearing beautifully vintage sweaters with a pie shaped baby in my arms. Every year the joke does not get old. I send it to a lot of people, but with no return address so they know I'm happy, even though I have not seen them for many moons.
And everything would finally be wonderful.
Everything is pie and nothing hurts.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
New things with added ramble
So, I've been doing new things that I don't usually do this summer. This is not a breakthrough, because some of the things are not good at all. I don't know what it is, but I guess it's good to get out of your comfort zone. It's the only way you learn anything. If you're stuck in the pattern then you go crazy. If you branch out from the pattern, you could end up even more fucked, but at least you learned something.
I should write a book. I really should. Hmm... It would be called 'The Normal Life of a Non-American, Non-Call Girl, Sexually Frustrated, Delivery Person"
No it wouldn't.
Everything has just been weird lately and I hate thinking that there is so much summer left and what else is going to happen and where else is it going to take me because I honestly don't think I want to go.
Everything still makes me feel awful.
People make me feel awful.
And I keep telling myself to breath and move on because there are people out there dealing with way worse shit than you, but no matter how small you are, if something is affecting you personally, than I guess it's the most important thing because in the end, all you got is you.
In the end, all you have is yourself to worry about.
I should write a book. I really should. Hmm... It would be called 'The Normal Life of a Non-American, Non-Call Girl, Sexually Frustrated, Delivery Person"
No it wouldn't.
Everything has just been weird lately and I hate thinking that there is so much summer left and what else is going to happen and where else is it going to take me because I honestly don't think I want to go.
Everything still makes me feel awful.
People make me feel awful.
And I keep telling myself to breath and move on because there are people out there dealing with way worse shit than you, but no matter how small you are, if something is affecting you personally, than I guess it's the most important thing because in the end, all you got is you.
In the end, all you have is yourself to worry about.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Hey,
Hey Stephanie, it's Stephanie, hang in there. I love you, bye.
Summer thinking, made me so sad.
Summer thinking, really is bad.
^Only I can make Grease the worst.
People are probably wondering why I don't have a job and the only way I can explain it is I need to go curl up in a ball for the next 4 hours and I am incapable of doing anything else.
And why can't I just be happy. This is the tip of the iceberg. I don't care about anything else. Back into hiding.
Summer thinking, made me so sad.
Summer thinking, really is bad.
^Only I can make Grease the worst.
People are probably wondering why I don't have a job and the only way I can explain it is I need to go curl up in a ball for the next 4 hours and I am incapable of doing anything else.
And why can't I just be happy. This is the tip of the iceberg. I don't care about anything else. Back into hiding.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Screenplay feedback
A while back I made a blog about how I was going to write a screenplay. And for my writers craft class, for our final magnum opus, we had to write a minimum of ten pages, any format we wanted. I decided to submit part of my screenplay. It's not finished and I don't know if I ever will finish it, but I handed in the first 20 pages. Well, it's the first part and then a random scene that I needed to write because it kind of started the whole thing.
Anyways, my teacher read it and she gave it back to me with comments and it just feels so good. It just makes me think, "Stephanie, maybe you're not an idiot for wanting to do with with your life."
Anyways, my teacher read it and she gave it back to me with comments and it just feels so good. It just makes me think, "Stephanie, maybe you're not an idiot for wanting to do with with your life."
Brief
Summary:
The
screenplay follows Vivian, a workaholic mother of one. As she spends
majority of her time at her office, she is shocked to learn she has
the whole summer off in light of a promotion. Sam, her sixteen year
old introverted daughter, is also surprised as she is used to doing
things on her own. Together, the two must learn to coexist by
ultimately getting to know each other. While this brings conflict and
obstacles they must overcome, it also brings the pair closer than
they've ever been before.
It's a dramady (dramatic comedy). And it's just fun, I think. I based Sam directly off myself. She is awesome, of course. I have the whole thing planned out, but again, have the 20 pages written in screenplay format.
There is a whole scene where Vivian and Sam start to connect through Guitar Hero. That is the scene I read to the class and it was weird, but sort of awesome.
So anyways, this wast the feedback from my teacher (the most wonderful teacher of all):
- This is perfect - your reader knew the 2 plots were coming together in this way and its neither surprised or disappointed with the way they do - it feels natural.
- I love this exactly as it is. The characters are believable and likable. By the time Vivian picks up the guitar we know she's ready for a life change and it does not seem at all forced or contrived. You have accomplished something that is not east to do. Mother, daughter and maid are in for some good times :)
- I must add that the dialogue is masterful - nothing is over or underwritten. It's like you've been doing this for a long time!
Of course a big part of this blog is for me to look back on my life, and this just makes me insanely happy so I needed to write it down. I'm taking the same class again next year, with the same teacher. I am looking forward to it.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Tonight You Belong To Me
So today I did a cover on my ukulele because ukuleles make me smile and smiling is good and this song is good because it is really cute. So you should watch and maybe it will make you smile. I like making people smile.
I also did just a ukulele cover, which is here.
Today I was at the mall like I always am and I'm eating lunch with my usual lunch companion, and I am observing these old ladies. The one has a camera and gives it to another one so she can take a picture of the group. I then hear her say, "Now I need one with you!" and she was going to take the picture, and be left out. So, being the ever helpful bystander, I go over to their table and ask if they would like me to make a picture of all of them. She was taken aback, but said yes. I took two to be sure they were both good. She kept telling me to press the silver button. It was all good fun. They all came up to me after and thanked me while I smiled with french fries in my mouth.
My teacher gave me comments on my screenplay today. That will be for another happy post. Look at me, planning ahead for happy posts!
I also did just a ukulele cover, which is here.
Today I was at the mall like I always am and I'm eating lunch with my usual lunch companion, and I am observing these old ladies. The one has a camera and gives it to another one so she can take a picture of the group. I then hear her say, "Now I need one with you!" and she was going to take the picture, and be left out. So, being the ever helpful bystander, I go over to their table and ask if they would like me to make a picture of all of them. She was taken aback, but said yes. I took two to be sure they were both good. She kept telling me to press the silver button. It was all good fun. They all came up to me after and thanked me while I smiled with french fries in my mouth.
My teacher gave me comments on my screenplay today. That will be for another happy post. Look at me, planning ahead for happy posts!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
School of Despair
On Sunday a student from my school passed away in a tragic accident. He was part of the graduating class, like myself, and I've known him since kinder garden. And... and it's just so horrible. I don't even know how to explain this properly. It's like you're a helpless mess on the sidelines. You know why there is change, and you feel the change head on, but there is no end in sight and you're just there. You're just sadly standing there realizing how life can just be over, no matter your age.
Our school is a wreck; I don't know how it's still standing. When I enter the place I feel like a wave of grief just washes over me, and when I leave I realize it doesn't go away. It soaks your clothes and sticks to your skin like some kind of infection, but you welcome it because at this point there is nothing else to feel. The tears flow effortlessly even when you think you're breathing normally. Nothing is the same.
You can't concentrate because your thoughts keep circling him. Grade two, he was my best friend. It's weird thinking back because we are obviously much different, but it's the innocents of elementary school that doesn't make you question anything. He was the 'bad-boy' and I was the wannabe tomboy that followed in his footsteps. He was the leader in our Ghost Busters club where we ran around all recess collecting bad ghosts and locking them up. He would squish little red spiders with his fingers and go ask the playground teacher for a Band-Aid. We cheated together during a school wide run to get more laps by sneaking through the school every lap. We had a playful little stone fight and got in trouble by having to sit on a wall for the whole recess, and boy was I mad. That was the first time I got put on the wall and of course I blamed him, but that didn't stop me from getting put on the wall again with him for touching an out of bounds area in our field. I let him copy my homework and waited for him during recess when he had detention because he didn't copy my homework fast enough.
He was probably a horrible influence to grade two Stephanie, but we were best friends so who cares? We had a lot of fun times, but of course we drifted and found better suited friend groups. I will forever hold these memories because he did have a big impact on my life.
I don't know how to go back to normal. I dread school. I dread people. It hurts all the time. Everyone's hurting for different reasons, mine just happens to be cold nostalgia. Either way, a teenager is dead in this cruel world and it's going to take some time to smile again.
_________________
I was bawling the whole time I wrote this, but I needed to. I need to remember this.
Our school is a wreck; I don't know how it's still standing. When I enter the place I feel like a wave of grief just washes over me, and when I leave I realize it doesn't go away. It soaks your clothes and sticks to your skin like some kind of infection, but you welcome it because at this point there is nothing else to feel. The tears flow effortlessly even when you think you're breathing normally. Nothing is the same.
You can't concentrate because your thoughts keep circling him. Grade two, he was my best friend. It's weird thinking back because we are obviously much different, but it's the innocents of elementary school that doesn't make you question anything. He was the 'bad-boy' and I was the wannabe tomboy that followed in his footsteps. He was the leader in our Ghost Busters club where we ran around all recess collecting bad ghosts and locking them up. He would squish little red spiders with his fingers and go ask the playground teacher for a Band-Aid. We cheated together during a school wide run to get more laps by sneaking through the school every lap. We had a playful little stone fight and got in trouble by having to sit on a wall for the whole recess, and boy was I mad. That was the first time I got put on the wall and of course I blamed him, but that didn't stop me from getting put on the wall again with him for touching an out of bounds area in our field. I let him copy my homework and waited for him during recess when he had detention because he didn't copy my homework fast enough.
He was probably a horrible influence to grade two Stephanie, but we were best friends so who cares? We had a lot of fun times, but of course we drifted and found better suited friend groups. I will forever hold these memories because he did have a big impact on my life.
I don't know how to go back to normal. I dread school. I dread people. It hurts all the time. Everyone's hurting for different reasons, mine just happens to be cold nostalgia. Either way, a teenager is dead in this cruel world and it's going to take some time to smile again.
_________________
I was bawling the whole time I wrote this, but I needed to. I need to remember this.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Ramblings from an unhappy outsider
They walk down together. Not really in a romantic way to an outsider. Why would it be romantic? One of them was wishing it was that way. They were wishing that their hands would grasp each others and continue walking. But this is not their time nor their world. So, they keep walking and one keeps wishing while the other keeps smiling and they're both just dying. Are they dying for the same reasons? Are their thoughts thinking the same thing? You'll have to ask them yourself as I am but an outsider.
So, how do I know? It's the same story told a million times. Girls, boys, boys, girls, frogs, lions, rattlesnakes. There are too many chances in this land of vast opportunity that makes it hard to guess how everything will properly line up. So yes, the one fancies them. Now, what is the chance that they are fancied back by the same individual that stays up at night thinking about them. I'm not a mathematician, but I would say the odds are not looking very good and their eyes continue to droop from lack of sleep while person number two is well rested.
We live in a sad wold where the people living are not always sad. Always being the key word. Sadness is a mysterious force that takes you over. It effects your soul like no other. It takes you down deep into the ocean where the sea life is not beautiful and the sun cannot reach and the pressure is unbearable, but somehow you're still breathing. And if you're breathing, even if you're breathing for just that one face, you have no choice but to smile.
But who knows what tomorrow will bring. Do you know? If you do then please call me and tell me. Sometimes your mind needs to be put to rest.
For I am sad; simply sad.
So, how do I know? It's the same story told a million times. Girls, boys, boys, girls, frogs, lions, rattlesnakes. There are too many chances in this land of vast opportunity that makes it hard to guess how everything will properly line up. So yes, the one fancies them. Now, what is the chance that they are fancied back by the same individual that stays up at night thinking about them. I'm not a mathematician, but I would say the odds are not looking very good and their eyes continue to droop from lack of sleep while person number two is well rested.
We live in a sad wold where the people living are not always sad. Always being the key word. Sadness is a mysterious force that takes you over. It effects your soul like no other. It takes you down deep into the ocean where the sea life is not beautiful and the sun cannot reach and the pressure is unbearable, but somehow you're still breathing. And if you're breathing, even if you're breathing for just that one face, you have no choice but to smile.
But who knows what tomorrow will bring. Do you know? If you do then please call me and tell me. Sometimes your mind needs to be put to rest.
For I am sad; simply sad.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Last Day on Earth
The last day in my home. The last day
with my friends and family. I've never been good with goodbyes... So
I really hope this camera quality is clear. I hope the audio quality
is clear too. I've heard that in space sometimes alien transmitters
can get in the signal's way.
Though it is my last day on good ol'
Earth, it doesn't have to be my last day living. See, I've been
planning this for years. I've built my spaceship. I've gathered
supplies. I've selected a crew that I'll be able to live with for
years without getting sick of them.
It's my duty to go off and collect
random objects from space to send them back to Earth for scientists
to do their scientist thing. I collect, they study. It's a simple
process.
Well, it was a simple process... until
everything went horribly wrong. My carefully selected crew started
disappearing one by one. Murder? Space madness? Alien invasions? The
remaining five crew members and I didn't have a clue. That is, until
Stacy disappeared.
I know what you're thinking, “You
really picked a girl named Stacy as your crew member?” And I will
reply with a yes. She is cooler than her name lets on and is a
dedicated... was a dedicated member to our team. Okay, she was the
worst, stop giving me that look.
Stacy was found in the storage room.
Her face stuffed with dehydrated mashed potatoes. Her hands clinging
to packaged snack-cakes. Her eyes darting between our faces as she
was very much alive.
It seems as though Stacy was ditching
off crew members one by one so she could have extra food. Murder is a
crime in space law, but stealing food is an unforgivable offense. We
had no choice but to send her off in an Earth Pod with some space
junk we collected.
Oh no... we didn't fill the Earth Pod
with supplies!? Stacy was supposed to do that... yes, we'll blame
her. (Just like it was so easy to blame her for the murders.)
Space transmission out.
____________________
Another journal entry that I am using for my final project and reading in front of the class... Only because this was the teachers comment:
"Okay- you are scary talented. This piece is so edgy and funny. I'm in awe! :)"
Hehehe
Monday, June 4, 2012
Senior Shenanigans
I had one of those corny high school moments today where I thought, "This is what I'm going to miss about high school." And it was awesome.
My friends and I (yes, friends) left class today to decorate a locker. It was one of their brother's birthday. But, we didn't know which locker was her brother's. So, instead of just giving up, we decided to decorate a random persons locker.
So, here we are, a group of three giggling girls in a hallways taping birthday wrapping paper to a complete strangers locker. It was the most fun I've had in a while, especially at school.
My friends and I (yes, friends) left class today to decorate a locker. It was one of their brother's birthday. But, we didn't know which locker was her brother's. So, instead of just giving up, we decided to decorate a random persons locker.
So, here we are, a group of three giggling girls in a hallways taping birthday wrapping paper to a complete strangers locker. It was the most fun I've had in a while, especially at school.
We then ran back to the locker after school to see the persons reaction, but there was no one to be found. We shall stake them out tomorrow morning! Also, if they take the decorations well, we are going to continue to decorate their locker with random holidays! I think tomorrow we decided on Christmas...
Good times :)
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Starship
No, not the Niki Manaj song. I won't even look up if I spelled her name correctly.
I made this video a while ago and thought I might as well post it here! It's just a video of me looking cute in glasses and singing along to I Wanna Be (A Starship Ranger) from the musical Starship. You should go watch it is you haven't seen it. It's a Youtube hit. Anyways, here we are.
It was meant to be super random and I know I'm making a fool of myself. THIS IS WHAT I DO.
I made this video a while ago and thought I might as well post it here! It's just a video of me looking cute in glasses and singing along to I Wanna Be (A Starship Ranger) from the musical Starship. You should go watch it is you haven't seen it. It's a Youtube hit. Anyways, here we are.
It was meant to be super random and I know I'm making a fool of myself. THIS IS WHAT I DO.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Henry and the Small Shovel
Henry grabs the shovel. He grasps it
easily with one hand... it really is a very small shovel. Does that
make it a spade? Who determines what is a shovel and what is a spade?
Henry examines the tool closely.
Where did I get you? He
thinks to the shovel. Was is at Tom's or were you a gift
from my mother? For the life of
him, he can't seem to remember.
Defeated
by his memory, Henry sits down by his garden. The flowers reaching
his eye level as the vines, bushes, and trees tower over him. He
doesn't realize his slacks are going to become mucked up in the dirt.
He will curse himself later for that. But for now, Henry is content
by his garden.
No,
my mother couldn't have gifted you to me... I seem to recall every
gift my own mother has presented me with. The cufflinks for
Christmas, the bar stools for my birthday, the Price Is Right season
two DVD for my housewarming. You don't fit in anywhere little shovel.
Little shovel seems appropriate because I think you're too big to
technically be a spade! I should Google the proper dimensions to
differentiate between the two. Now wouldn't that be preposterous?
Henry laughs out loud to his own
internal discussions. He looks around to see if anyone noticed, but
alas he is alone.
I
need to really stop doing that... Henry
laughs out loud once again.
Henry,
noticing his pants have become dirtied, quickly stands up.
Now
I've done it. These are new pants! That nice man down at... oh
brother! Where did I get these pants? The nice man... okay, I can see
his face. He has a nice smile. I wonder if he's thought of my face
since. The nice man, with the nice smile works at Tom's! Yes... Maybe
I should go Tom's and see if they sell small shovels...
Henry
places his small shovel near the bulbs he was going to plant and gets
in his car. Dirty pants and all.
____________________
I don't really know what this is. It just kind of came out, but I love it. Maybe I will make this a thing where Henry just gets into a bunch of awesome situations. I thought it was cool how the whole story is based around his thoughts and not dialogue.
Anyways, I hope you like it.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Juggling Outside Nonsense With a Dog
So, I made this video today. I bought some new juggling balls (that may or may not smell like poison...) and away I went. I have so much trouble editing videos. I think it turns out great but then the quality always looks like shit. Ah well, you can't win them all... or any.
My dog is a featured player. I don't know if you will be able to understand what I am saying, but I don't talk a lot, so whatever. Enjoy my nonsense and my mediocre juggling skills.
My dog is a featured player. I don't know if you will be able to understand what I am saying, but I don't talk a lot, so whatever. Enjoy my nonsense and my mediocre juggling skills.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Fireworks
I FUCKING HATE FIREWORKS. I hate them so much. Okay, well when you deliberately go out of your way to see them done in a professional manner, I guess they are alright. But when you're sitting alone in your room with your window open trying to get some fresh air and fucking loud as hell BOOMS scare the shit out of you it's not fun.
Here is a video of me last year, in my room, getting scared by fireworks. I was too late on my camera work to shoot one this year because I was busy watching a musical.
Don't mind my face. It's actually really funny because I am wearing almost the exact same thing right now. I also don't know what I am singing. But just listen. That's the shit I have to put up with.
Also, holy fuck, were my eyebrows that thick a year ago? Ahahaha. Wow. This is weird. Also, homework? Ew.
Anyways, fireworks are the worst and past Stephanie agrees with me.
OH! I'm singing All The Pretty Girls by Fun!
Here is a video of me last year, in my room, getting scared by fireworks. I was too late on my camera work to shoot one this year because I was busy watching a musical.
Don't mind my face. It's actually really funny because I am wearing almost the exact same thing right now. I also don't know what I am singing. But just listen. That's the shit I have to put up with.
Also, holy fuck, were my eyebrows that thick a year ago? Ahahaha. Wow. This is weird. Also, homework? Ew.
Anyways, fireworks are the worst and past Stephanie agrees with me.
OH! I'm singing All The Pretty Girls by Fun!
Saturday, May 19, 2012
I have become a Twitter whore. I feel the need to update the world with my random activities while still trying to remain funny. Well, sometimes. I just like how it's not Facebook. My Facebook statuses live to impress, but my Twitter posts just live to float there in space probably without people reading them.
But I guess, like the blog, it makes me feel good that maybe at least one person is reading. At least I'm putting something out there. I also like to know what people are doing. All the time. I hope that was creepy.
Some of my favourite tweets of mine are:
Some of my favourite tweets of mine are:
Just had a full blown meltdown because there's no more pie left. Now I'm eating an apple and hating it.
Homework now and The Sims later, or The Sims now and homework never? #ToughDecisions
I've cried so much tonight. Tears of sadness and happiness. It's all been television related. #RealLife #AcceptingIt
Skipping school + microwavable Sheppard's pie + Game of Thrones = Good day.
As you can see, Twitter is an exciting experience filled with my awesomeness. But I don't spam. I only tweet a couple times a day. It's just how I do it.
Follow me for more awesome: Here!
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