Bag of McDonald's

I don't know what to write about anymore. All I want to do is swoon but I am going to hold back because I have restrain on myself! (Kind of.)

Blah, I'm so happy. I feel like a bag of McDonald's all the time. (Trust me, that's a good feeling.)

I also wish someone would get on with the whole making teleportation reality thing because like, it's almost 2013 and what do we have to show for it? A couple hours a few times a week is not enough, but it's still wonderful. Everything is wonderful. I love scary movies now, but only in the right company.

Speaking of 2013, isn't the world supposed to end on December 21st of 2012? Is that still a thing or have people forgotten?

Also speaking of 2013, I have no idea what calendar to get this year. I always get one of those tree killer, day by day, flip calendar because it gives my day a purpose. Last years was Six-Word Memoirs, which have only been okay. I like the idea though. Dare to be different.

Once more about 2013, I have a lot to write in a sentimental, change of year post. Did I write one last year? Probably.

I am going to go dance in the moonlight now. But not really because baby it's cold outside.

Positive Space Leadership Forum: Day 1

Or, as I like to call it, crazy fun gay times. The day focused mostly on the LGBTQ(etc.) community and the wonders within. I learned so much and have new perspective and met so many people. It was honestly a lot of fun and really informative and so accepting and willing to do anything for any group. I felt so welcome and sort of awestruck.

We got separated into separate tables by folders given to us. I was Healing, though I'm not sure why it was called that. It was held in this fancy hotel so everything was pretty cool. There was this speaker who told us about his struggles and how his life turned out, which was both humorous and emotional.

Then we took our groups and headed to separate rooms. We did different exercises and talked about a lot of different things. We heard peoples stories and their own struggles. They talked about their schools and family. It was light and informative, and sometimes darker. People have to go through so much shit to just be whoever the hell they want to be. It's insane.

And there was lots of free food.

I can honestly say it was one of the best experiences I've had and can't wait to go back tomorrow. I want to meet more people and make more friends and I'm surprised I actually did so today. And now I'm rambling because I'm happy! It's Thursday! Everyone just shut up and let me have this!

"I'm so happy!"

Recently, whenever I'm in a really good mood, I'll just have this goofy smile on my face and say out loud to myself, "I'm so happy!"

Then I usually spin around on my chair or stand on it or dance or make a crazy face into a mirror and start laughing like the fool I am because why not.

I don't care what makes you happy. If it's watching hours of Youtube, reading a book, watching your opt stand near each other, or farting into a purse, it doesn't matter. But when you hit that high, when you can almost feel that dopamine seep into your brain (without any illegal narcotics) then acknowledge to yourself that this is good. You're in a good place.

(I think I had a little too much wine today.)

And tomorrow I'll tell you all about this leadership forum I'm going to! So much to look forward to!

I am

I am not a happy person

I am not the flowers and sunshine that put light on your face

I am not a simple person

I am not that caterpillar destined to grace the Earth with new wings

I am not a optimistic person

I am not a bird ready with wings to soar

I am a thinker

I am a dreamer

I am an observer

I am in the darkness hoping the rays of life will not skip past me

I am hoping you will not need to share yours

I am willing to let you keep them

I am willing to stay in the dark

I will never be that happy person

I will never put light on your face

Big change

Today I cut off all my hair because fuck it, I wanted to. I love it. I feel like a fucking rock star or something. I feel very confident. I feel like this is the first step to the rest of my life. I feel like I am overreacting because it's just stupid hair.

Before.

After.

(I didn't take the 'before' picture today, shhh.) Anyways, it's short. I keep running my fingers through it. I thought it would feel so weird, but it doesn't. Then the realization sets in and the questions like, how's this going to grow out and what will people think, but then you're like fuck it because you're so past caring.

I honestly like it. I feel like a new me. I feel older. I feel good.

Onward!

I want to take a bottle and harness the feeling that I'm feeling so whenever I'm sad I can have a sip and everything will be better. These constant highs and lows will be the death of me. Why can't I always just remember this feeling. This feeling of complete bliss!

You don't realize how much you miss someone, or will miss someone, until you can't just talk to them always. Things just feel right again. Not in like a weird way, but it's nice knowing you have someone to talk to. I don't even know.

I think I need to start eating healthy. I don't know how, but I probably should.

And sleeping. I should probably have normal sleeping patterns.

And everything. Everything just needs to be normal.

I just feel so fucking good right now. I'm going to go watch more of this show that I am falling in love with.

Stephanie. Stephanie. Onward. Onward feeling like this forever.

Pie

I've been rethinking my life, like usual, and I've been thinking about what truly makes me happy. I've been making pro/con lists in my head about everything and everything has so many cons except for on thing. Pie. I have a deep love for pie. I'm not even kidding. By belly is full of pie right now and I am content for once.

I don't want to make pie; I want to taste pie. I want to fill my mouth with all different kinds of pies from all around the world. I want to look at a pie and say, "Get inside of me." And the pie will because I said so. I want gorgeous people to put pieces of pie in my mouth and not get angry if I can't finish it or don't like it or ask for some water, because it's just pie.

The reviews I would write would all be positive, maybe a little sexual, and have underlining wit, because tasting pie is one thing, but writing about it is another. It wouldn't be to rate it, it would simply to describe its many qualities. Hundreds, thousands, millions around the world would welcome me to put their pie in my mouth. My blog would be pilled with pictures of pies, pictures of me eating pie, and discussions about pie.

Maybe love will find me and begin to outshine my love for pie so we would settle down in the country next to an elderly couple who own a cherry orchard and the man bakes cherry pies while the wife picks the not-so-perfect cherries because they don't believe in gender roles. They gift me a pie on the odd occasion and I eat it and enjoy every bite, but my pie days are over and my blog is virtually dusty.  


Our Christmas cards have me and my significant other wearing beautifully vintage sweaters with a pie shaped baby in my arms. Every year the joke does not get old. I send it to a lot of people, but with no return address so they know I'm happy, even though I have not seen them for many moons. 


And everything would finally be wonderful.


Everything is pie and nothing hurts.

Screenplay feedback

A while back I made a blog about how I was going to write a screenplay. And for my writers craft class, for our final magnum opus, we had to write a minimum of ten pages, any format we wanted. I decided to submit part of my screenplay. It's not finished and I don't know if I ever will finish it, but I handed in the first 20 pages. Well, it's the first part and then a random scene that I needed to write because it kind of started the whole thing.

Anyways, my teacher read it and she gave it back to me with comments and it just feels so good. It just makes me think, "Stephanie, maybe you're not an idiot for wanting to do with with your life."

Brief Summary:

The screenplay follows Vivian, a workaholic mother of one. As she spends majority of her time at her office, she is shocked to learn she has the whole summer off in light of a promotion. Sam, her sixteen year old introverted daughter, is also surprised as she is used to doing things on her own. Together, the two must learn to coexist by ultimately getting to know each other. While this brings conflict and obstacles they must overcome, it also brings the pair closer than they've ever been before.

It's a dramady (dramatic comedy). And it's just fun, I think. I based Sam directly off myself. She is awesome, of course. I have the whole thing planned out, but again, have the 20 pages written in screenplay format.

There is a whole scene where Vivian and Sam start to connect through Guitar Hero. That is the scene I read to the class and it was weird, but sort of awesome.

So anyways, this wast the feedback from my teacher (the most wonderful teacher of all):

• This is perfect - your reader knew the 2 plots were coming together in this way and its neither surprised or disappointed with the way they do - it feels natural.
• I love this exactly as it is. The characters are believable and likable. By the time Vivian picks up the guitar we know she's ready for a life change and it does not seem at all forced or contrived. You have accomplished something that is not east to do. Mother, daughter and maid are in for some good times :)
• I must add that the dialogue is masterful - nothing is over or underwritten. It's like you've been doing this for a long time!

Of course a big part of this blog is for me to look back on my life, and this just makes me insanely happy so I needed to write it down. I'm taking the same class again next year, with the same teacher. I am looking forward to it.

Happy

Talk to people that make you happy.
Be with people that make you happy.
Smile like an idiot and don't care who sees.
Remember why you're happy right now.
No one needs to know why.
57, 18.
:)

Smile, there's turkey

Food is the only thing that makes me happy. Today was awful, but my dad made a huge turkey dinner that allowed me to cling on to life. With some, if not most, of my shows on winter hiatus, I just need to curl up in a ball and eat turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes and gravy and cranberry jelly. Nothing is wonderful, but at least I'm full.

A dream within a nap

Being overly exhausted today, I decided to have a little nappy nap when I got home. I curled up in my bed and just was thinking, but not bad thinking. When I take naps and can't fall asleep it is no where as bad as when I can't sleep at night. I don't need to be sleeping. I can get up at anytime.

As I was dozing off, it was so weird. I saw my cat come on my bed and go like behind me, and I could feel her and everything. But I kept thinking the whole time, how did she get up on my bed? It being a top bunk and all. And I kept really waking up, and then having this little dream.

Then I actually fell asleep and had a wonderful dream. And both my late grandparents were in it.

My family and I moved to a new house and we were planning my Nannie's birthday party. I was sad, but I don't know why. I was standing at the kitchen island thing, and was looking into the living room. People started gathering in. These two guys come behind me, in real life I don't know who they are, but in the dream they worked for my dad. They would come by often and talk to me, and it was weird because they seemed to know something. They said to me, "You might want to go into the living room." So I went, but first I spotted this animal on the ground.

There was this hedgehog on the ground. It was our family pet. I think my mom called it Sarah in the dream once. It didn't feel like you would expect a hedgehog to feel, it was really soft and it was a lot longer then one. It would just roam around.

So I look at the couch and my grandma and grandpa were sitting there. It was also weird in the dream because it wasn't like they were never gone, I knew they had died and they were somehow back. I just remember hugging them both and starting to cry and my other family being just so happy and crying too.

I remember saying to them, "So, how is heaven?" and my grandpa saying, "We call it heavenly solace actually." I do not understand that, but whatever. At that point I realized that those two workers somehow set this whole thing up.

Then Pierce Brosnan was there. I think he was supposed to represent my other grandpa whom I've never met. That was sort of awesome.

And this lady, who I don't know, and didn't know in the dream started talking to me. She had a British accent and she was like, "Can you do an English accent?" and was like, "I don't know..." and she kept pressuring me to do one, but I didn't want to. Then I woke up.

That was pretty well the dream. It was weird, but very wonderful. I love dreaming, whether I am awake or asleep. I don't complain about it, I am just happy I was able to remember.

Happy that it happened

So, I just got home and I really felt the urge to blog while everything is fresh in my mind. Such an amazing day. Both our performances went really well, for me anyways. The crowds were packed. My parents were there! It was weird having them there because I've never done anything like this before. The littlest Nin wouldn't stop complementing me. It was so strange and new and wonderful.

At the end of our last performance it really just hit me that this happened. I came so far in these short 12 weeks. My schools drama teacher came up to me and told me how far I had come. She also said, "Now we just have to get you to join Oliver!" and this time I agreed. Guess what guys. I'm going to be in a musical.

One of the leaders, Colin, pulled me aside and also shared his praise. For my acting, but mostly for my writing which I was very excited to hear. He told me that I should pursue this and that I have talent for it. He also mentioned his famous dad. I don't even know. It was very nice though.

Then the part with the goodbyes. I am so horrible with goodbyes. Of course I started crying. We gave our group leaders Tim Horton's gift cars and cards with all of our names signed because we are super nice like that. I drew a cat face next to my name. I gave them hugs because I am cute like that. One of asked me if I was going to Second City and I said, yes, I was thinking about it. He told me I should. That followed more complements on how amazing I am.

This post is not me bragging about how amazing I am, even thought it may be true, it's about how I would not have known any of this talent if it wasn't for this amazing group. I am so grateful that it came to my school and that it came this year because it if would have come any other year I probably would not have joined. They say that senior year is the best year, and that would not be true if it wasn't for Commotion.

It made me realize that this is what I want to do. I want to write and do improv and act because I love doing it and apparently have some talent towards it. My mom was like, "Do you want to be an actress?" and I said, "I don't know," and she said, "We will see your name in lights." I don't know why, but that just made me smile hearing it from my mom.

I came home and cried, but not for the reasons I thought I would. I was just so happy, but also very sad. I am happy that it happened, but sad that it had to end.

P.S. I just got invited to a real teen drinking party with some of the kids from Commotion, but I didn't go. I just wanted to state, for the record, that I got invited.

Owls

I like owls. 

I like to think of myself as an owl collector, but in truth I don't have a lot of owl things except these shown below:

 The last one counts... hehehe.

Funny story with the Kleenex box... I destroyed a whole display to get the ones with the owls. I grab it, the rest fall... on top of me. People laughed, I did too.

So, there you have it. I think this probably all started because of Owl City, and I'm okay with that. I think we should all have something that makes us smile. If I get a new owl anything, I am happy. If I listen to an Owl City song, I am happy. It all connects.

OHEMGEE

So, I own the book, here's a few pictures of me molesting it.


0 Days:

Me, happy with the book

Me, happy with a larger book.

Me, well... things got out of hand.

SO EXCITED.

If the inside of the book is half as funny as the back cover, I will be happy.