Surprise party success

Yesterday was my Nannie's 80th surprise birthday party. We have been planning this bad-boy for months. I was beginning to feel like Sue:

If you don't know who Sue is then you don't watch enough SNL. Anyways, I just wanted to get this over with because I knew I was going to slip up. I will keep your secret, I will lie to your face, but I am the worst with surprises.

But she came in the room under the false pretense of going to the casino and the Littlest of Nins was blown away. There were a bunch of people there, a bunch of food, and a bunch of decorations. The best part of it all was the fact that she had no idea at all.

We had the party in a museum, so my brother and I thought we would take a little tour when things started to get dull in the party room. My brother and I have fun. As we get older I am realizing that we can be ourselves around each other and not have it be weird. I also realize how much we are a like. I am of course much funnier though.

This museum had no one in it but us. So I was going up to mannequins and saying things like, "Sir, sir, excuse me. Sir, I know you're busy but this will just take a second. Sir, please. Wow, what a jerk." And then my uncle came and got us for pictures, and there was this like fake boat with a moving background, and he was like, "Woah, it's moving!" and I was like, "I know! We went in it and it's like we left the museum!" With a lot of fake enthusiasm. He thinks I'm hilarious.

A little while later, my brother and I went to explore some more, but with my eleven year old cousin. I kept telling her all this fake information and just making up random facts, as well as going to old pictures and telling her the I knew them and naming all of them. My favourite part was when I signed the guest book, "Stephanie Jenkins, and in comments wrote: I'm from Australia! I love this place like a brother." Maybe I think I'm funnier then I actually am, but we were having fun. I went up to the same mannequin I was talking to earlier, but with my cousin and was like, "Sir, sir, you have another visitor. Sir, please talk to me."

My uncle wanted me to make a slot machine for my Nannie for a fun little joke about the casino. So, I did. And it was difficult. But it was pretty funny when we unveiled it. He gave me credit and everything, which was pretty embarrassing, but I made due. This is the slot machine:

It turned out pretty well. It's not like it was supposed to look real or anything. People laughed.

After the party, some people came back to my house. It wasn't too bad. My cousin and I hid in my room. We were soon joined by my other cousin whom I do not get along with too well, but we bonded over gossiping over our other cousin who looks like a skank. Confusing? Maybe. We were also joined by my brother and we played would you rather on my iPod. I found out a lot about people. Like for instance, how my brother would rather have 10 children than 0. That was kind of shocking.

I also find it cool how everyone just adores my room. Everyone is always saying how awesome it is. And how talented I am. I just kind of soak it all up. I love my family knowing that I am hilarious and talented. Winks.

I also want to talk about how cute my two year old cousin is because he is so cute. I picked him up, put him on my lap and was showing him my desktop because it's a picture of my cat:

And he was using the mouse and clicking things and making her 'dance' and then I gave him my little plastic lamb and we were having a dance party with them and it was so funny and so cute. I was also meowing and got him meowing and it was so cuttee!!! Babies may scare me, but toddlers are just so cute.

This has been long, but that's the recap of the party! It was pretty wonderful. I am now watching the SAG awards. I love me some award shows.

News from real life

I just folded the piece of paper on my desk into a funnel shape so I could slide the cookie crumbs off of it and into my mouth. I then laughed at what my life has succumb to and thought I would post it here. I also love the word succumb. It seems like it would be a dirty word like scum, but it isn't. 

Today has been a wonderful day. Let me walk you through it:

I woke up at a reasonable hour and just stayed in bed for a while because I had the day off. I remembered two of my dreams. One involving me meeting Tina Fey, the other involving me not knowing how to do CPR correctly and killing a kid... Yes, fun times.

I then got up and had a shower, which I will gladly get into details about. I finally found the right amount of shampoo and conditioner to use so my hair dried really curly, but with like 2 seconds of quick straightening it was wonderful. I then got to work on my task for my Nannie's birthday, which is a slot machine... I will tell you all about my Nannie's super secret surprise party after it is done on Saturday... Anyways, that is going fairly horribly, but I am dealing. No one was home except my brother, so I was in the kitchen crafting this structure and singing Gotta Be You by One Direction because I can, and let me tell you, those yous are really hard to do, but I finally got it, so yes, I have that going for me.

Then my mother came home and we went to good old Walmart. I have been to Walmart far too much over the past week. This party is going to be the end of me. But I did get McDonald's! MCDONALD'S BITCHES. I then went home and watched 30 Rock and ate it. 

And then... Then things got even better. You're probably like, "Stephanie, are you fucking crazy!? How in the world does something beat eating McDonald's and watching 30 Rock!? It isn't possible you stupid bitch! You are so dumb!" First of all, calm your shit bro, because the only thing that can beat eating McDonald's whilst watching 30 Rock is watching a NEW episode of 30 Rock at 8, then a new Parks and Recreation, and then, wait for it, ANOTHER NEW EPISODE OF 30 ROCK AT 9!!!!!!!!!!

In both, BOTH, episodes of 30 Rock my name was said. Well, one was Stephanie, the other was Stephie. BUT STILL. Also, there was a part were Liz Lemon said she needed to find a new best friend and I yelled at the TV, "I will be you're best friend!" I'm not even embarrassed. 

I have an English exam tomorrow. I have to go learn English. 

P.S. I think I figured out my life, but that's another post. Suspense much? I know you're hanging of my every word, so yes.

Obsession skyrocketing

I regret nothing.

So, this happened today. This happened and I feel like it was the total right and rational decision. I needed it in my life because it's the paperback. It's yellow and the paperback. It's yellow and the paperback and it's Tina Fey's book.

My parents have their moments. They understand my strange love for all things Tina. They back me up and don't judge me.

I need to go study for my exams now. Good day.

The poison, it's coming from inside the house

It's a fun day when you find out it's a good thing that your furnace broke for good because, as it was in it's breaking state, it was slowly poisoning you. What a ride we have had over the past couples days. We were cold from lack of heat, we were feeling great from lack of poison (we're taking good old carbon monoxide), we were worried because we had to buy a new furnace, and we were fucking cold.

The furnace broke on the 18th. It was a Wednesday. A Wednesday to end all Wednesdays. My father had some dude come in to check it out, an old buddy of his. Let me just say something, my dad may not be my favourite guy, but at least he gets the job done. It seems like he knows everyone willing to do the job for half the price as a company. The dude said he could do it Friday.

Friday. But what about Thursday? Thursday, though it may be the best day ever, is going to be cold. We survived. Most of us anyways. He came this morning around 9am and left at like 6pm. Oh, the things we learned. Some of us will never be the same again.

We learned that we could have died. We learned why our basement was leaking. We learned about a family of mice living in our wall. We learned of a dead bird somewhere (I didn't get the whole story). We learned about how the guy who wired the basement was a fucking clueless moron. We learned how to really balance our family time because it could be limited. (That was a joke.)

But alas, it is fixed with only one casualty. Lemon 2.0, you were a good fish. The cold water may have killed you, but I would rather think the poison did so I have a cool story to tell my friends. There will be no Lemon 3.0. I'm done with fish.

Now that I'm warm and poison free, it feels like a new beginning. Who are we kidding? I would like to think that this experience has changed me, but it really hasn't had an affect on me. Maybe I lost too many brain cells. Nonetheless, have a happy Friday.

Award Season

Award season has hit off with the Golden Globes of course. I love award season because, as you probably know, I am a celebrity obsessed nut ball with certain famous people. Someone should seriously secretly film me while I am watching one. It's hilarious. Anytime Tina comes on especially. I freak out a little bit and by little bit I mean a whole lot. The phrase, "Marry me and have my children," seems to come up a lot while I'm watching these shows.

I also make acceptance speeches. I honestly can't help myself. Throughout the commercials I just sit there and talk to myself as if I am talking to the ballroom and holding my very own Globe. Insane, right?

I just enjoy it. I love events where celebrities get together, like for Betty White's birthday. That was wonderful. I of course thought of a birthday speech for her too, but I am going to talk about this speech thing at my next meeting with my shrink.

It's just so crazy that someone can live to be 90. My Great Nana lived to be 97. My Nannie is going to be celebrating her 80th birthday in a couple weeks. And here I am at 17. I just wrap my brain around it. Around the unknown, around the future, around getting old.

For now I am just going to keep watching these award shows, keep writing these speeches, and keep dreaming, because what else am I going to do for 80 years?

Real life conversations 3

My mom and I are about to go out so she can purchase this picture. She is in the bathroom putting on make-up. I come out of my room and was going to use the bathroom.

Mom: Are we going?

Me: Yeah, I was going to use the bathroom.

Mom: Why don't you get dressed first?

Me: I was going to use the bathroom before I get married.

Mom: (Confused look)

Me: Did I just say married? (Laughing)

Mom: (Laughing) Do you have something to tell me? (Laughing some more)


Why I blurted out married instead of dressed, I will never know. That was really messed up, but hilarious.

A dream within a nap

Being overly exhausted today, I decided to have a little nappy nap when I got home. I curled up in my bed and just was thinking, but not bad thinking. When I take naps and can't fall asleep it is no where as bad as when I can't sleep at night. I don't need to be sleeping. I can get up at anytime.

As I was dozing off, it was so weird. I saw my cat come on my bed and go like behind me, and I could feel her and everything. But I kept thinking the whole time, how did she get up on my bed? It being a top bunk and all. And I kept really waking up, and then having this little dream.

Then I actually fell asleep and had a wonderful dream. And both my late grandparents were in it.

My family and I moved to a new house and we were planning my Nannie's birthday party. I was sad, but I don't know why. I was standing at the kitchen island thing, and was looking into the living room. People started gathering in. These two guys come behind me, in real life I don't know who they are, but in the dream they worked for my dad. They would come by often and talk to me, and it was weird because they seemed to know something. They said to me, "You might want to go into the living room." So I went, but first I spotted this animal on the ground.

There was this hedgehog on the ground. It was our family pet. I think my mom called it Sarah in the dream once. It didn't feel like you would expect a hedgehog to feel, it was really soft and it was a lot longer then one. It would just roam around.

So I look at the couch and my grandma and grandpa were sitting there. It was also weird in the dream because it wasn't like they were never gone, I knew they had died and they were somehow back. I just remember hugging them both and starting to cry and my other family being just so happy and crying too.

I remember saying to them, "So, how is heaven?" and my grandpa saying, "We call it heavenly solace actually." I do not understand that, but whatever. At that point I realized that those two workers somehow set this whole thing up.

Then Pierce Brosnan was there. I think he was supposed to represent my other grandpa whom I've never met. That was sort of awesome.

And this lady, who I don't know, and didn't know in the dream started talking to me. She had a British accent and she was like, "Can you do an English accent?" and was like, "I don't know..." and she kept pressuring me to do one, but I didn't want to. Then I woke up.

That was pretty well the dream. It was weird, but very wonderful. I love dreaming, whether I am awake or asleep. I don't complain about it, I am just happy I was able to remember.

Too much thinking

Insomnia is the worst because you are just laying here forever thinking about things that were never in your control. So many missed opportunities. Wishes that things could be different. Memories of a simpler time. Thoughts on how things would be different today.

And then you just start crying. Crying from the memories. Crying from the missed memories. And you cry and cry and think, "Well, at least I can cry myself to sleep." but whomever made up that saying is a lier because by now your pillows wet and you're even more uncomfortable and even less close to sleep.

Today in English we had a seminar and the one I was in really focused on death. We shared stories about our grandparents dying and stuff. That's what probably brought this on now. I think about them a lot especially when I can't sleep. I miss them so bad.

One I never got to meet.
One taken too soon.
One taken even sooner.

Idk where I'm going with this. I'm just sad. I just can't sleep. I just wish I could see them in my dreams at least.

My two weeks are up

And part of me is extremely glad. I need structure in my little life. Without it I don't sleep, I don't eat, I don't know what time it is, I do nothing.

I had a lot of fails this break. I didn't finish my screenplay. I haven't given up, it just hasn't really gone anywhere. I have started way too many things that I never finish. That's like the definition of my life. When you have all the time in the world, you always just say, "I will do it later." This is where procrastination thrives. It thrives on welcoming souls.

I am usually good with deadlines though. I honestly didn't really start my homework until 8pm tonight. And at 8 I saw that there was a magical movie on that I wanted to watch at 9. I had one hour to finish my English and my data. Guess what bitches? I did it. Wet Hot American Summer is the best movie ever. There is nothing like finishing off Christmas break with a movie about the last day of summer camp.

The one thing I worry about tonight is sleeping. I have been going to bed at 3, 4, 5am every night, and mostly from insomnia. My insomnia has been so bad. So, so horrible. Every night. Tonight is going to be the worst. I say tonight like it is far away, but it is almost midnight. Shhhiiitttt.

Things to look forward to this week:

• Tuesday 7am - Tina Fey and Jane Krakowski on the Today Show
• Wednesday 12:37am - Tina Fey on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
• Thursday 8pm - Season 6 premier of 30 Rock

It's going to be an amazing week. A fucking amazing week.

She & He

He came up behind her. His barely audible footsteps were put to the test with an old wooden floor. His cover was blown.

She could tell that he wasn't breathing. She wished they were outside. She wished that his footsteps had been muted by birds softly singing or simply a gust of wind that went towards him, and not her so that his unique sent wouldn't give him away either. Even though the surprise was gone, adrenaline still pumped through her veins.

He knew that his plan was foiled as soon as he started across the floor. If he could hear his footsteps, than she could tell that he wasn't breathing because she didn't miss much. He wished that he would have found her outside. The sounds of nature would cover up his entrance, whether it be the buzzing of the summer insects or the breeze rolling in and dragging her sweet scent with it. He wondered if she can hear his heart pounding as well.

She didn't turn around, she just kept pretending that these flowers needed to be arranged. She could tell he was still behind her, but that he was trying to take things very slow as to muffle his footsteps that were already heard clear as day. She hoped that he didn't know that she knew.

He watched her shoulders move as she diddled with the flowers, trying to make herself look busy. He still hasn't taken a breath because he knows that it will make her turn and pretend that she didn't hear the footsteps the whole time. He just wanted to surprise her.

He needed to rethink his surprise in the time it took him to put down his right foot as he had already lifted it to take the last step to her. The initial plan was foiled by betraying floorboards, but the surprise could still be there. He planted his right foot on the ground, without worrying about being quiet, nestled his hand in her shoulder and barely whispered, "Tag, you're it," before pivoting and bolting for the staircase. It felt good to breathe again; it felt better to laugh again.

She felt his presence right behind her and wondered how he was going to make himself officially known to her. She heard a loud, careless footstep right behind her. She felt a warm, familiar hand on her shoulder. And then, "Tag, you're it." She did not expect the voice she knew so well to say words that she had not heard for ages. She turned around just in time to see him running for the stairs and hear his infectious laugh echo down the staircase.

Once they were outside they were free. They ran barefoot because they could. They laughed together because they were kids again and nothing else mattered but the moment they stopped being Her and Him, and became Them.

2012

This is my first blog post of 2012! Last night I went to Niagara Falls to celebrate the passing of a new year. It was quite wonderful. Great company, crazy strangers, and good music really does something to you.

I opened my new calendar today, because we all know that New Years is just a sham created by the calendar industry. My new one sadly replaces my 30 Rock one, but it's cool too. It's called 'Six-Word Memoirs'. They are just six-worded life lessons, sort of, made by famous people, authors, writer, etc. I think it's really interesting and there are lines to add your own six-words each day. Maybe each time I blog I will tell you what my six words were today. I think it will be cool to look back at them after a year and see what I did and learned each year.

New Day. New Year. New Me. - Mich Salomon

Today my family and I went over to my Nannie's house to exchange gifts and whatnot from Christmas. It was pretty uneventful. My aunt went hilariously crazy, my mom bragged about my plays, my Nannie's small apartment proved that it could hold all of us, and my whole family was dressed in beautiful sweaters. It was of course all my idea.

It's been a good start to the year. This is going to be a really eventful year. Things are happening!

My six-words: Family time well spent in sweaters.