Facebook

When I post a status update on Facebook, it can't just be a normal one like, "goin 2 skool text da cell!!11!!" Frankly, statuses like that make me want to vomit grammar all over my computer screen. I do not understand it. It's Wednesday at 8am, I sure hope you're going to school, also, what else would we text? Your ass? Was that little bit necessary? If someone was like, "Oh God, where can I find Candy and how can I get a hold of her?" I don't think there would be a lot of confusion if it just said, "text me!!11!!"

Facebook is a great way to see someones competence even if you've never talked to them. Just by a quick glance at their profile, we can see many things. Let's talk about a few.

Profile Picture
Is it even a picture of them? Are they fully clothed? Are they making a kissy face that makes you want to kill yourself? All these questions will soon be answered. You can read the comments to see if people agree with your distaste, but do not get your hopes up.

Relationship Status
Are they in an actual relationship, married to one of their friends, married to a celebrity, or nothing at all? This will give you insight if they're single, crazy, spontaneous. Also what their standards are. (If they're married to a celebrity, then you know that you have to be as cool as said celebrity and maybe that's why they don't have a real boyfriend.... ha ha...)

Number of Friends
This can be from unrealistic to desperate. Does someone with 2 000 friends add every single person they see, or are they just so likable that everyone adds them? Personally, I have no idea. If you are reading this blog, you probably have no idea too. And if you do, you should probably find a cooler blog to read. Someone with 30 friends is kind of creepy. You're 1 of 30. They are forced to read every single thing you do because there isn't much more to read.

Wall posts
Does one person only write on their wall? Are there many people? Are they all different? Do the same five people constantly write on their wall? Are they wheeling and dealing? (Is that what the kids say?) What is the grammar like on their wall? Do you want to shoot yourself in the face just because of an extensive period of time spent here? If you are feeling suicidal, please close Facebook and go on something more tasteful, like this blog.

Status Updates
These can easily make or break a person. What is an appropriate Facebook status? We all have our own opinion, whether it be what you are doing every five minutes, something funny that just happened, a song lyric of a song you don't know, stating the weather because other people don't have windows too, or my favourite, witty remarks. When someones wall is filled with status updates and nothing else, they either live a very exciting life, or have no life at all. A Facebook status should either be some cool update about someones life or just something fun to read. Everyone is reading it, might as well make it interesting. People need to realized that not one person cares that you're, "fucking pissed," every afternoon. Not one person.

Facebook is a horrible place filled with horrible people who don't understand when they post that picture of themselves smoking a bong, (do you 'smoke' a bong?) it's on the internet.

I have the same profile picture since August, I update my status less then weekly, I do not care much for Facebook. I know people do though, and that's okay, but some people are just really stupid. Just know that what you post on Facebook is perceived differently by everyone. Don't be stupid.