SNL monologue 1

As you know, I am I crazy, delusional, Saturday Night Live obsessed freak show. So, last night when I couldn't fall asleep, I wrote myself a monologue if I were to host SNL. I won't lie, this is not the first one I've thought of. That's why I wrote a 1 in the title. I might share another one with you.

I will try and explain it as best as possible. I have never written a sketch before so I am going to get most of my information about it from looking at Bossypants, because there is the original written sketches from Tina's Sara Palin party.


Here goes nothing. Also, Justin Bieber is the musical guest. And I'm writing this as if I was going to host tomorrow.




STEPHANIE DOUGHTY MONOLOGUE ~ Stephanie Doughty/Justin Bieber/Tina Fey






(OPEN ON: STEPHANIE COMING DOWN STAIRS AND DANCING.)

           STEPHANIE

Hello everyone! It's great to be here! Wow, I've thought about this moment for so long...

(JUSTIN BIEBER WALKS INTO VIEW)

           STEPHANIE

Oh, hey, Justin Bieber. You're the musical guest tonight, right?

           JUSTIN

Yes I am. And you are the host or something?

           STEPHANIE

Yeah. First time hosting.

(AWKWARD SILENCE. LOOKING AROUND AWKWARDLY.)

           JUSTIN

You are between the ages of like 2 and 20, aren't you?

           STEPHANIE

Uh, yeah... we are actually born in the same year. '94..woo..

           JUSTIN

Then why aren't you freaking out?

           STEPHANIE

What are you talking about?

           JUSTIN

Why aren't you screaming, asking for my autograph, getting your mom to take pictures of me while you try and stand beside me? All the while still screaming and trying to claw my eyes out. You know, normal teenage girl things.

           STEPHANIE

Oh... I don't know. I guess I am a pretty chill person. And, no offence or anything, but I'm not that big of a fan.

           JUSTIN

Are you being serious right now? Do you know who I am? I am..

(STEPHANIE CUTS HIM OF. LOOKS AT OTHER SIDE OF STAGE.)

           STEPHANIE

Justin, shut up. Look who is over there. 

(TINA COMES INTO SHOT. STEPHANIE FREAKING OUT.)

           JUSTIN

Who? Tina Fey?

           STEPHANIE

Yes! That is Tina Fey over there! Do you think you could introduce me? Please Justin!

           JUSTIN

Okay... fine. Hey, Tina! 

(TINA WALKS OVER.)

           TINA

Oh, hey Justin, and...

(STEPHANIE VISIBLY FREAKING OUT.)

           JUSTIN

This is Stephanie, she is hosting the show tonight.

           TINA

Nice to meet you.

(HOLDS OUT HAND TO SHAKE. STEPHANIE SHAKES HANDS.)

           STEPHANIE

Oh my God. You just touched my hand!

           TINA

Oh, sorry... I didn't know you had some weird germ thing.

           STEPHANIE

Tina Fey just touched my hand!

(TINA AND JUSTIN BOTH LOOK CONFUSED. STEPHANIE STILL VISIBLY FREAKING OUT. TINA POINTS AT JUSTIN.)

           TINA

Does she know who you are?

           JUSTIN

Exactly!

           STEPHANIE

Before I hyperventilate, we have a great show for you tonight! The Biebs is here, so stick around, we'll be right back!

(CAMERA PANS AWAY WITH STEPHANIE AND TINA BECOMING BEST FRIENDS.)

Obviously it is very rough and junk, but there is the general idea. I hope you enjoyed my crazy and I hope you understand a little better how deep the crazy goes. It would totally be an awesome show though.