To be ten

I guess today, in some ways, turned out better then expected. I'm really fed up with my household though. More then I have been in a long time. I can't stand even hearing their voices in the other room. Blerg.

Anyways, I hung out with my ten year old cousin today. Not being around a lot of younger kids, I realized something today. My anthropology/sociology/psychology class was not full of lies. As a well-rounded teenager, I didn't think that a lot of the things were true because it's like like you can really think back to your thoughts from when you were ten.

It's weird to think, "Was I like that when I was ten?" The answer is probably yes. The weirdest one for me is that she has no sense of self. But, we gain our sense of self in our adolescent stage. And that's weird, because she doesn't have a care in the world.

I also think that she is different then a lot of soon-to-be-eleven-year-old's because of that. She will be going into grade six and she seems so sheltered. She tells me about kids at her school, how the girls wear tons of make-up and shit. How she gets picked on. Her school goes up to grade 8 and I think if she doesn't start to understand more about society, high school is going to be a hell of a shock. And I do not like that. I think she has a lot of growing up to do and I also don't like that.

She is mature for her age, but also naive.

I think self actualization can make or break a person. Make because you're like, "Wow, I'm awesome, I look awesome and everything is awesome." Break because you're like, "I am fucked and I look fucked, how do I fix that? and my situation is fucked." If you find yourself and don't like what you see, your confidence is shattered.

I realized a few things about myself today.
1. I need to get my swearing under control. I almost made a joke about 'not giving a fuck' in front of everyone.
2. I am mature and I like it. Unless making dirty jokes is immature. Whateves.
3. My uncle and I are a lot alike.
Me: My dog hates me.
Him: Did she lend you money and you never paid her back?
Me: Yeah,
At the same time: They can really hold grudges.
Then we laughed. He thinks I'm hilarious, I really like that.

It's weird to think about how my uncle is my mom's brother because I can't picture my brother and I like that. Him coming over my house with his wife and children and me greeting him with my my children. I'm just thinking about if all our roles were changed. This would be my daughter writing a blog about how she doesn't like her family (note the beginning of the blog). That should be my one goal as a parent. To not make my children want to write mean things about me on the internet.

This might be the teen angst, but I won't be marring someone like my father, so I should probably be good. You know how people say that girls are attracted to qualities found in their father? Fuck that shit, I will be looking for the opposite.

I need to go watch some more SNL. TTYL bitches.