Exhaustion

I don't really sleep. I find sleep pointless and a waste of time. So, I go to bed late. But then there's the whole insomnia thing. In hindsight I go to bed (on a school night) between 12:30 and 1am. On a regular day anyways, sometimes it's later, sometimes it's earlier. But I get into bed at that time then lay there wanting to die for any length of time.

Insomnia is the worst thing ever. It takes away a basic human function. I guess a lot of things do that. But still. I have tried a couple things to help and some have worked. I don't want to try any kind of medication though. A few things that you have to do if you have insomnia are:

1. Accept that you have insomnia and that it is here to stay.
2. Do not force yourself to try and sleep. It will not work and you will get stressed out.
3. Stop worrying about the amount of hours you get to sleep.
4. Never look at the time. Stress level increase and makes you more awake.
5. No matter how many hours you think you sleep; it is probably more.
6. Calm down. You're going to get through the day regardless.

When I first accepted I had insomnia it was a lot worse. A lot worse. I was so stressed out over when I was sleeping, or trying to sleep I guess, and how many hours of sleep I got. It would be a constant check of the time. Which is a horrible thing to do, because when you see 2:30am you start to freak out a little bit.

Now I'm just chill about it. Yeah, I'm getting 4 hours of sleep. Yeah, it's 2am, I don't want to sleep. Yeah, I can't fall asleep, maybe Friends is on. What of it?

So, I sleep in the early morning and then have to wake up in the early morning. My alarm goes off at 7:20. I then continue to press snooze and get up at around 7:30-7:40am. Then I go to school.

I have different levels of tired. I can honestly say I am hardly ever not tired. I have learned to fight passed the urge to pass out. I also hardly have any caffeine so everyday is a fun day. These are different days and how I'm feeling about the tiredness:

Giddy

When I go to bed really late but I'm doing something I enjoy that I don't want to stop, like reading a book or watching a series, I feel super in the morning. My alarm will go off and I will just open my eyes because there is no hint of tired. It's like a strange high.

Dead

When I go to bed late and can't fall asleep forever. I wake up a couple times. I cannot get comfortable. The morning is coming fast. Sleep is the worst; not sleeping is not an option. It's time to get up. I don't think that's possible. Today is going to be a horrible day.

Yawn

When I get a decent amount of sleep. Still not looking forward to school. YAWWWNNN. When I yawn constantly my eyes water a lot. It looks like I'm crying all day. Stupid yawning. Will not stop.

Doze-off

When I go through the week with all these days and I just can't handle it. Naps don't really work. Going to bed early doesn't happen. Time to skip first period for a little bit of sleep.

Other side effects include loopyness, unawareness, zombie looking-ness... 

At school it's hard to focus. When I start to think about how tired I am, bad things happen. I will put my head on my hand and yawn and yawn. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's like a tugging; trying to pull me under. This feeling goes in and out throughout the day. Half the time I don't even remember what we did at school.

By 9pm I'm wide awake and this cycle starts all over. Sleep is for the weak.