I have been felling off though. I don't know. Just, weird. Let's transfer that into today's segment. It's going to be messed up. Heads up.
"Sammy, come in here for a second!"
"What, I'm busy cooking you dinner!"
"It will only be a second, I swear!"
"Okay, what?" Sammy walked into the living room, "PAUL, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"
"Oh, so you can tell?"
"Yes! What the hell Paul. Seriously, what the hell are you doing?"
"Damn, I'm going to have to make some adjustments."
"You didn't answer my question!"
"Sammy, let me introduce you to the Masturbation Poncho!"
"Oh good God. You're serious."
"I've never been more serious! This is the best idea I've ever had."
Sadly, for Paul, this probably was the best idea he had ever had.
"See, these are going to sell like crazy because everybody does it. Old people, young people, animals. This will just make it easier to do it in public!"
"I am still trying to process the fact that you are serious."
"Babe, can you try on the woman's? I want to see if this one needs adjustment too."
"No Paul, no I will not."
"What ever, I'm sure it is fine."
But it wasn't fine. Paul doesn't think things through much. His logic was that people would use them during long sitting events. For example: a sporting event, a long bus ride or a movie. Paul found it an easy way to give in to your desires without upsetting the public. He truly thought he was doing the public a favor.
"Paul. No one is going to buy this."
"Sammy, this is going to be a big hit!"
"Yeah, for pedophiles. Paul, seriously, I'm just trying to help you."
"Well, I don't need your help! I'm going out tomorrow to test it on the public!"
"If you get arrested, I'm not bailing you out."
"You know how I said I didn't need your help? Well, I take that back. See I just had the best idea. You're in the public eye! You're on TV!"
"No."
"Let me finish! See, all I need you to do is wear it throughout the news show. Then at the end, look into the camera and say, 'You couldn't even tell I was doing it!' Maybe give a wink, and then the ad will flash for the one and only Masturbation Poncho!"
"Okay. Let's make a deal. If things go well tomorrow, I will agree to do that." And they shook hands. Sammy then yelled, "Disgusting!" and went to wash her hands.
Paul went out bright and early... for him. He started at noon. He thought the best way to get his product across was a live demonstration. Paul went down to Cricket Wood Park, the busiest spot during the day, and set up his display.
He put a bunch of folding chairs around and a home-made sign that said, "The Masturbation Poncho! Try it free today!" He was up all night perfecting the poncho.
Paul put on his and went to town. There was immediate interest. By two in the afternoon there were twelve testers that came and went, (pun intended). All of them signed up to buy one for themselves and for their significant other. By three, the order was doubled.
"Hey Paul, how did business go?"
"Before I answer that, what did you exactly mean by, 'If things go well'? I want to make sure you can't back out."
"I meant, if you actually sold any! And I need proof!" Sammy laughed.
Paul held up his order sheet, "Read it and weep! Or just get excited because we're rich baby!"
"I...Are....What? I have to go on TV and promote this..." Realization was washing over Sammy.
Sammy went on her news show wearing the poncho, said her line without enthusiasm and the ad flashed like planned. She did not wink. Paul was watching from home and cheered like there was no tomorrow. Boy, was his mom proud.
You may think this is a happy ending, but local soccer moms shut down the operation when way too many people were using it while at the games. Paul did earn quite a bit of cash though.
Sammy learned to never underestimate Paul because she might have to go on TV and make a fool of herself, again. I guess it was kind of a happy ending.
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I like how this has been the longest one yet.
I wish I finished it before Sunday though, oh well, there will probably be one later too then.
I hope I didn't go too far... Ahahaha. Fun times.
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