Hearts & Dog-Tags 8

I'm going to make the & a permanent fixture.
I just thought of a really funny pun: I hope you're okay little bonsai tree; you're looking a little green today.
Feel free to think I'm hilarious.



    "Paul, put some pants on, she's going to be here soon!"
    "What!? I thought you said she was coming tomorrow!"
    "Yes, I did say that. Good ears."
    "What are you talking about? Is she coming tomorrow or now?"
    "If I told you she was coming today, you would have started complaining. I got crafty. Now, go get ready, no one needs to see those Homer Simpson boxers."
    "Ugh!" After a dramatic eye-roll, Paul went to get dressed.

    Sammy's guest was set to arrive at two in the afternoon. Sammy was dressed in a flowered dress that is perfect for spring time. She was no doubt dressed to impress. Paul, on the other hand, was dressed in his favourite, stained, baggy blue jeans with a t-shirt that says, "Beer me, bro," with a picture of a voluminous woman.
    This classy shirt really brings into light the satire of the situation. It really brings into light gender stereotypes. Or it's just a t-shirt with beer and boobs.
    Sammy was not impressed but she expected as much.

    "Nice outfit choice." She said in monotone.
    "You look beautiful." He responded in monotone too.

    The door bell rang.

    "She's here!" Sammy ran to the door.
    "She's here." Paul mumbled and walked behind her.
    "Jules! You're finally here! How was the trip? Was traffic okay?"
    "Sam, Darling, slow your roll. Of course traffic was okay. Once you get into Weedner it's dead. Going through Paxton was hell though, but that's to be expected."
    "It's so good to see you! I haven't seen you in so long."
    "It's probably because you can't bare to leave this horrible little town. Maybe you and what's-his-face should make it up to Paxton. Do you even know what a sky-scraper looks like?" Jules did her witchy laugh and Paul's hair stood up on the back of his neck.
    "It's Paul, Jules." Paul always reminds her.
    "I know." Jules also had a witchy smile.

    See, Jules is Sammy's older sister. She is two years older then her and one-hundred percent meaner. Sammy and Jules grew up in Weedner together. When their mother passed away, when Sammy was 21, Jules didn't see any point in staying. She moved to Paxton.
    Paxton is one hour away from Weedner. It is no New York City, but it is definitely more lively then Weedner. Jules does not let you forget that. She lives an exciting life as a receptionist at a local hair and beauty chain headquarters. Her desk is on the sixth floor. Don't let her start on how wonderful the view is.

    "Thank you for bringing my bags to the spare-room, Derek."
    "Just tell me when you want them back in your car..." Paul had one goal: To not upset Sammy.
    "Still unemployed, Jack?"
    "Actually, he's an entrepreneur Jules. He has great ideas." Sammy added in quickly.
    "Okay... What's for dinner? I haven't had anything home-cooked for years. We aren't ordering out are we? Do you even have take-out here? Paxton has the cutest little bistro's!"
    "Dinner will be ready soon, it just has to..." Ring, ring, ring..,"Oh, I'll go get that!"
    "Interesting shirt choice, Larry. I don't think they sell such vulgar things in Paxton."
    "What...but I have company... How sick is she?... There is no one else?...I'll be right there." Sammy said on the phone.
    "What's up Sammy?"
    "I have to go do the news for tonight... I have to leave now. Watch the oven! It will beep soon! I will be home as soon as I can. Eat without me." And Sammy was out the door.

    The evening with Paul and Jules was filled with awkward small talk, good food and insults. Paul was thankful when six came so he could just put on the news.

    "You don't get this station is Paxton, do you? You've never seen Sammy on the news. She's great."
    "Why would we need to know Weedner news in Paxton?"
    "Tonight on Channel Two News at Six: Are your guitar strings a choking hazard? We have Dr. Robertson here from Weedner General Hospital to comment on the subject."
    "Oh my, why do they let her on TV?"
    "Jules..."
    "Seriously, do they know what a stylist is here?"
    "Jules..."
    "I thought you people would at least have some standards for who you put in the media."
    "JULES!"
    "What Randy!?"
    "Get out of my house."

    Jules didn't really put up a fight. Maybe it was the look on Paul's face. Maybe it was because she knew she was over the line.

    "Where's Jules?" Sammy said when she got home.
    "She went home."
    "Oh... oh, okay. I knew I should have put the other linens on the bed. I shouldn't have gone to work. This is all my fault."
    "Sammy, this one's all me. I can't put up with her. She's just so... so awful!"
    "But she's family. She's the only family I have, Paul. I know how she's like. She makes me so angry and upset! She turned so bitter. I don't know what to do."
    "Sammy, I'm your family. Right here."

    And with that, Jules was not needed to make a visit for some time. Sammy got along fine with the occasional phone call and birthday cards. She had all that she needed in Weedner.

_______________

I forgot how much I liked writing these.